Water Under the Bridge
senryu110 total reviews
Comment from juliaSjames
Your senryu together with your author notes paint a grim picture of how the "other half", the marginalized, live... even in the richest country in the world. One is left to ponder the reasons why their plight is so often disregarded.
Good luck in the contest with this excellent entry.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Your senryu together with your author notes paint a grim picture of how the "other half", the marginalized, live... even in the richest country in the world. One is left to ponder the reasons why their plight is so often disregarded.
Good luck in the contest with this excellent entry.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Julia, I fear the answer to your pondering is not that difficult to find. Ask 100 Americans if they are against homelessness and they will all say yes. Ask the same 100 people if they're willing to pay extra tax money to eradicate poverty or even just build an extra shelter in each county, and then a whole bunch of those people who oppose homelessness will become hesitant. Everyone hates it, not nearly as many people are willing to do anything about it that involves their money or their hands on help. Thanks so much, my friend. Brooke :-)
Comment from rosah
it certainly does make you think.....i love this poem, love the message in your author notes, thank you for sharing this thought provoking senryu, peace be with you.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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it certainly does make you think.....i love this poem, love the message in your author notes, thank you for sharing this thought provoking senryu, peace be with you.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Thanks so much, my thoughtful friend :-) Brooke
Comment from Loyd C. Taylor, Sr
Hello Brooke and I hope you have had a great day! That's an old saying and you have re-written it in poetic style, as always I enjoyed. Loved the artwork. Loyd
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Hello Brooke and I hope you have had a great day! That's an old saying and you have re-written it in poetic style, as always I enjoyed. Loved the artwork. Loyd
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Thanks so much, Loyd, for your thoughtful review :-) Brooke
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My pleasure, Loyd
Comment from FredCollingwood
I've read a lot of pseudo senryu, and this one is excellent. The only comment I have is traditional senryu do not favor upper case. It's no loner a rule, but some prefer it.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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I've read a lot of pseudo senryu, and this one is excellent. The only comment I have is traditional senryu do not favor upper case. It's no loner a rule, but some prefer it.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Thank you, Fred - coming from you, this means a lot :-) Brooke
Comment from MissMerri
This seems like a perfect example of what a senryu should be. There is the right syllable count, but more importantly this speaks of the human condition and uses an ironic double meaning in the last line. It would certainly get my vote in this contest!
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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This seems like a perfect example of what a senryu should be. There is the right syllable count, but more importantly this speaks of the human condition and uses an ironic double meaning in the last line. It would certainly get my vote in this contest!
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Adonna, thanks so much for your thoughtful comments on this satiric senryu :-) Brooke
Comment from Connie C
This is so clever, Brooke, as you apply a double meaning to "water under the bridge." The tents of the homeless who live under the bridge are washed away, but then who in this society cares. I appreciate poems such as this one that bring to light the plight of the homeless. This is an excellent entry in this contest. Connie
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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This is so clever, Brooke, as you apply a double meaning to "water under the bridge." The tents of the homeless who live under the bridge are washed away, but then who in this society cares. I appreciate poems such as this one that bring to light the plight of the homeless. This is an excellent entry in this contest. Connie
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Thanks so much, Connie - so glad you liked the satiric twist on an old saying. Brooke :-)
Comment from R. K. Alan
Such a sad commentary on life in America. Your senryu points out the complacency most Americans have about those poor souls, it's just so much more water under the bridge, swept away, out of sight and out of mind. Why can't the richest country in the world care for their own? Ray aka Krylon
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Such a sad commentary on life in America. Your senryu points out the complacency most Americans have about those poor souls, it's just so much more water under the bridge, swept away, out of sight and out of mind. Why can't the richest country in the world care for their own? Ray aka Krylon
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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There is the million dollar question, Ray! And the answer is that while everyone deplores human suffering, way fewer are willing to put the time and the money and the creativity into doing something to end it. Thanks so much, my thoughtful friend :-) Brooke
Comment from Just Alyx
What a beauty. Senryu poetry doesn't usually pull me in much because of the brevity, but the words you chose offer very potent imagery, while saying so much through the double meanings. Exceptional. All the best in the contest; you nailed it beautifully for a worthwhile subject and form.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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What a beauty. Senryu poetry doesn't usually pull me in much because of the brevity, but the words you chose offer very potent imagery, while saying so much through the double meanings. Exceptional. All the best in the contest; you nailed it beautifully for a worthwhile subject and form.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Lucas, thanks so much for your most thoughtful response to this senryu. Brooke :-)
Comment from jackpeg
Congratulations on this winning Senryu, Brooke. Did any of my teeny-weenie suggestions help, or were there any? (I just pressed "send" to jettison this brief follow-up and was told it wasn't long enough, so now, maybe it is. I'll try again.)
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Congratulations on this winning Senryu, Brooke. Did any of my teeny-weenie suggestions help, or were there any? (I just pressed "send" to jettison this brief follow-up and was told it wasn't long enough, so now, maybe it is. I'll try again.)
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Thanks, Jack, for your kind review. Brooke :-)
Comment from ArtGal
Brooke, you can eliminate the capital R and period at the end. I love how you use the double meaning for water under the bridge. A great satori, also. There's such a sadness for me reading your 'author notes, because my nephew was one who lived there also. But we never gave up hope, and thank God, because he's now married with two jobs, and his baby girl just turned 1 yr. old last weekend. Needless to say how much I enjoyed this. . .Sharon
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Brooke, you can eliminate the capital R and period at the end. I love how you use the double meaning for water under the bridge. A great satori, also. There's such a sadness for me reading your 'author notes, because my nephew was one who lived there also. But we never gave up hope, and thank God, because he's now married with two jobs, and his baby girl just turned 1 yr. old last weekend. Needless to say how much I enjoyed this. . .Sharon
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Thanks, Sharon - I prefer using capitalization and punctuation, which many modern senryu employ. I'm so glad your nephew turned things around :-) Brooke
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Thanks Brooke, he's a real gem!
