Comment from InHisownwrite

Excellent

Not ony a great poem......
But also a great thought provoing piece....
Water under the bridge......
Certainly in more ways than one.....
Love how the first two lines tie into this thought...
Bryan

 Comment Written 29-Nov-2010

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reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010

Bryan, thanks so very much :-) Brooke

Comment from Soulester

Exceptional

Hi, Brooke! I doubt this senryu can be bested. Not only do you have the form and the spirit, you've also nailed the irony. Best wishes in the contest. I haven't seen all of the entries, but this will surely be a top contender. Wow! Mary

 Comment Written 29-Nov-2010

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reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010

Thanks so much, Mary - you are so encouraging and gracious - I truly appreciate this most generous review :-) Brooke

Comment from Amina Ahmed

Excellent

hi brook another beautiful expression. i have to admit that i had learned that senryu is also 5-7-5 syllables but didnt know tht actually its 6-5-6 syllables. thx for the information :). your poem is lovely and emotional

 Comment Written 29-Nov-2010

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reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010

Amina, thanks for your most thoughtful review :-) Senyru is often 5/7/5, but the rule is simply that it be 17 or fewer syllables in 3 lines, which allows for many different syllable counts. Brooke

Comment from Rdfrdmom2

Excellent

Brooke:

I suspect there are way more people living
under bridges and train trestles today than
any of us could even begin to imagine -- then
there are those who live in their cars -- it
is a sad, sad situation and something we should
all do whatever we can to fix

thanks for sharing
good luck in the contest
love,
jan

 Comment Written 28-Nov-2010

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reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010

Thanks so very much, Jan. Oh, I think most people have NO idea. And many are not even counted as homeless whose situation is quite precarious, like those living in their sister's living room, just waiting for the brother-in-law to get sick enough of them to demand the sister throw them out. My sister had a pupil once whose family was living in a camper in the aunt's driveway, but they are not counted as homeless. It's a mess, and we'd better do something about it. Brooke

Comment from Aussie

Excellent

What more can I add to your All Time Best status? There is another saying 'sweep it under the carpet.' Many folks go around with blinders on, not wanting to know how the other half lives. We know, we weep to those less fortunate, so many are suffering hunger, homelessness and shame. One day a bank manager the next a homeless man who lost his job and was swept under the bridge. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 28-Nov-2010

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reply by the author on 28-Nov-2010

Thank you for your perceptive insights, Kay - I always appreciate knowing you truly think about what I write :-) Brooke

Comment from Fireshadow

Excellent

Brooke, great entry for the senryu poem contest, and I'm sure it will be a strong contender in the competition. Terrific philosophical statement, especially applicable to our current times. My best wishes in the contest.

Ama

 Comment Written 28-Nov-2010

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reply by the author on 28-Nov-2010

Thanks, Ama, for your kind contest wishes and great review :-) Brooke

Comment from allborn66

Excellent

This is a great poem. I like the ironic twist at the end. The word choice is fantastic. I like the flow that it has. The picture is a great choice.
Barbara

 Comment Written 28-Nov-2010

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reply by the author on 28-Nov-2010

Barbara,thank you for your thoughtful response to this poem :-) Brooke

Comment from Valkarie

Excellent

There is a powerful message here in your poem I believe which flows so well is concise and has that most creative of word play. One can picture the floods sweeping everything in its path including homesteads, a graphic detailed description.
A well thought out piece which I think is most creative.

Valkarie...

 Comment Written 28-Nov-2010

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reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010

Thank you, Valkarie - I appreciate your thoughtfulness :-) Brooke

Comment from dmoncrief

Excellent

A bit cynicism at the end. It is sad that importance is a matter of opinion. I would hate to be swept under the bridge and forgotten. This senryu is nicely constructed. I like that you didn't stick to a rigid 5/7/5 word count. The first time I reviewed a senryu with less than 17 syllables, I marked it down a star and then was supremely embarrassed when I got an education.

Thanks for sharing this and good luck.--Denise

 Comment Written 28-Nov-2010

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reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010

Thanks so much, Denise - yes, cynicism really is part of the tone of the senryu form :-) Brooke

Comment from Amicus

Excellent

This is both a sharply ironic and poignant little poem, Brooke. It is most clever to turn an old phrase into a satirical insight...I wonder if you considered dropping the first two words in line one and adding the word swept to line two...that high water most likely caused by rain sweeps away the makeshift homesteads is implied but by not stating it, you also bring to mind the police "sweeps" that come periodically to move the homeless from under the bridge too...just a suggestion to ponder.

Good luck in the competition.

 Comment Written 28-Nov-2010

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reply by the author on 28-Nov-2010

Thanks for your feedback, Amicus - I will reread the poem with your suggestions :-) Brooke