The Empty Bed
It's lonely at the top72 total reviews
Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas
Hi.
It has a good twist in the end, meeting the contest guidelines and based on quite a nice theme. However, the language, my friend, is not "natural" to the story, that is what I felt. I am being honest to it, and I love your poetry. But, I could not deal with "fake pressurized sentences " to make the story a logical twist.
Had it been natural, it deserved a 5 star.In current form and method, I am unable to rate it 5.
P.S some dialogues were below par.
regards
K
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
   |
Hi.
It has a good twist in the end, meeting the contest guidelines and based on quite a nice theme. However, the language, my friend, is not "natural" to the story, that is what I felt. I am being honest to it, and I love your poetry. But, I could not deal with "fake pressurized sentences " to make the story a logical twist.
Had it been natural, it deserved a 5 star.In current form and method, I am unable to rate it 5.
P.S some dialogues were below par.
regards
K
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
-
Thank you for your review.
Comment from RKagan
Very realistic thought process for a woman having an affair. I thought your surpise ending was clever and unexpected. good job.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
|
Very realistic thought process for a woman having an affair. I thought your surpise ending was clever and unexpected. good job.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
-
Thanks for an excellent review.
Comment from mountainwriter49
Alvin,
This is a superb read! It was fast-paced, full of surprises
and wow, the ending was true Hitchcockian in flavor. I
could hear the ticking. You've done an exceptional job
with this piece and I'd give you a six if I had one. It's that GOOD!
-Ray
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
|
Alvin,
This is a superb read! It was fast-paced, full of surprises
and wow, the ending was true Hitchcockian in flavor. I
could hear the ticking. You've done an exceptional job
with this piece and I'd give you a six if I had one. It's that GOOD!
-Ray
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
-
Thanks for a superb review and the virtual six star rating. I was pleased to receive such a good review from such a respected writer as yourself, especially since there was one three star rating. I am glad you liked the ending; I wasn't quite sure about it and you have reassured me. Thanks again, Ray.
-
It was superb Alvin, and you'd been at 10 Degrees BAr, i'd bought you a martini to celebrate the piece...-rr
-
Thanks, Ray. What's 10 Degrees Bar?
Comment from richard7
I like how you begin the story at the end and take the reader thru the day with the caracters introduced, there occupation, their thoughts whispering it is all very well written.
The underlying ploy revealed at the end is a real twist.
A very enjoyable read!
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
|
I like how you begin the story at the end and take the reader thru the day with the caracters introduced, there occupation, their thoughts whispering it is all very well written.
The underlying ploy revealed at the end is a real twist.
A very enjoyable read!
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
-
Thanks for an excellent review; I am so glad you enjoyed it.
-
You're welcome, a subtle write with detail to end with a surprise double cross has a certain humour to it, look on face,
ticking
futile realisation,
a bad day, at least she got laid!
Good stuff
-
Thanks again.
Comment from amada
This work has much suspense and intrigue. Oh to the ins and outs of those unfaithful relationships. The character of the "lady boss" is quite pitiful. Very well written, I got into it.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
|
This work has much suspense and intrigue. Oh to the ins and outs of those unfaithful relationships. The character of the "lady boss" is quite pitiful. Very well written, I got into it.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
-
Thanks for an excellent review; could you explain to me a little more about how you see Katherine as pitiful? I am not quite sure exactly what you meant.
-
If she goes with a married man, knowingly, she is much pitiful.
-
Oh, I see. Thanks again for a great review.
-
Alvin. I hope I didn't offend you. I carry the shadow of an everlasting catholic upbringing.
-
No, not at all. I take the Sacrament of Marriage very seriously.
Comment from azwildrosa
guess she should have stayed on the phone to find out where the other one was. you had me laughing each time she talked to herself, or her conscience pipped in and then, she'd talk to herself, blah. i enjoyed how you ended it, the first bomb, then hearing the second. it was great. thank you for sharing and best wishes to you in the booth. :)
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
|
guess she should have stayed on the phone to find out where the other one was. you had me laughing each time she talked to herself, or her conscience pipped in and then, she'd talk to herself, blah. i enjoyed how you ended it, the first bomb, then hearing the second. it was great. thank you for sharing and best wishes to you in the booth. :)
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
-
Thanks for an excellent review and your good wishes.
Comment from shy1250
I read this as I've read you poetry before, but don't remember reading any prose. You exceed in all forms of writinh, obviously, No errors or suggestions. Gripping and realistic. Kudos yet again!! later and God bless, shy
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
 |
I read this as I've read you poetry before, but don't remember reading any prose. You exceed in all forms of writinh, obviously, No errors or suggestions. Gripping and realistic. Kudos yet again!! later and God bless, shy
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
-
Thanks for the six star review! I am ever so grateful. I have been writing more prose of late.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Al,
This is a stunning story that kept me on the edge of my seat. I didn't know what to expect but I never thought of a bomb. Your surprise ending is something all writers strive for and few accomplish. You have done that here. A well written and absorbing story. Good luck in the contest....chey
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
|
Hi Al,
This is a stunning story that kept me on the edge of my seat. I didn't know what to expect but I never thought of a bomb. Your surprise ending is something all writers strive for and few accomplish. You have done that here. A well written and absorbing story. Good luck in the contest....chey
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
-
Thanks for a great review! I am quite grateful. I loved Ho! Ho! Ho!. I plan on reviewing it on Sunday (I am sure you know why I am waiting until then...)
-
Thank you Al, I'm looking forward to your review....chey
Comment from honeytree
The way how these words are written suited the story and the way written would have a impact on those, who read the words here.
The grammar as is, suits the story.
Honey tree
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
|
The way how these words are written suited the story and the way written would have a impact on those, who read the words here.
The grammar as is, suits the story.
Honey tree
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
-
Thanks for a great review. I know I owe you some reviews; I hope to get to them in Advent.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great job writing this mystery, romance, spy story. you wrote it so well i didn't expect the ending. good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
|
this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great job writing this mystery, romance, spy story. you wrote it so well i didn't expect the ending. good luck in the contest
Comment Written 25-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
-
Thanks for an excellent review.
