The Predator
A young woman starts a new life.108 total reviews
Comment from mountainwriter49
Good Evening Barbara,
I'm glad your first treatment went well and yes, fatigue is major part of the process. Learn to listen to your body and rest from time-to-time throughout the day.
I enjoyed this story very much. It is well constructed and the story line flowed well and was well developed. I liked the way the dialogue flowed--it gave insights into each of the characters and is well beyond the he said, she said type of dialogue. Well done.
Thanks for sharing this story. An enjoyable read for this insomniatic night. :)
-ray
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Good Evening Barbara,
I'm glad your first treatment went well and yes, fatigue is major part of the process. Learn to listen to your body and rest from time-to-time throughout the day.
I enjoyed this story very much. It is well constructed and the story line flowed well and was well developed. I liked the way the dialogue flowed--it gave insights into each of the characters and is well beyond the he said, she said type of dialogue. Well done.
Thanks for sharing this story. An enjoyable read for this insomniatic night. :)
-ray
Comment Written 05-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I teach first grade, their little bodies don't slow down. NEVER!!!!! (LOL)
Comment from Rama Rao
An excellent story of Romance which you alone can write in this way. I can see a bit of autobiographical element in the story.
I'm also glad to read you are improving rapidly. Wishing more strength to your elbow,
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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An excellent story of Romance which you alone can write in this way. I can see a bit of autobiographical element in the story.
I'm also glad to read you are improving rapidly. Wishing more strength to your elbow,
Comment Written 05-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from LadyWave
This was a beautiful story! I loved how you kept her secret a mystery - you had me hanging to hear what it would be. I'm so glad to hear you're doing well. Stay strong!
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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This was a beautiful story! I loved how you kept her secret a mystery - you had me hanging to hear what it would be. I'm so glad to hear you're doing well. Stay strong!
Comment Written 05-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Thank you for your kin review.
Comment from Dom G Robles
I like the story with the picture of a lovely dog complementing it. Jasmine Morgan was to work in a new place where she met Eli Parker who had a dog, a Pyrenees.
As she was coming out of her car that morning, a big dog, a Pyrenees, which she thought was a big bear, came to meet her and she was so frightened until the owner, called the dog and talked with Jasmine. He invited Jasmine for supper the following day and she accepted the invitation. They had nice conversation. They got to know each other better until Jasmine told the secrets of her life. She had cancer and lost her left breast for which reason, her husband left her. He could not stand looking at her hody. Eli, was very understanding because he said, his mother had also cancer many years ago when he was 24 years old. Eli said, "I can't tell the future, but I'm positive your battle with cancer will not come between us."
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
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I like the story with the picture of a lovely dog complementing it. Jasmine Morgan was to work in a new place where she met Eli Parker who had a dog, a Pyrenees.
As she was coming out of her car that morning, a big dog, a Pyrenees, which she thought was a big bear, came to meet her and she was so frightened until the owner, called the dog and talked with Jasmine. He invited Jasmine for supper the following day and she accepted the invitation. They had nice conversation. They got to know each other better until Jasmine told the secrets of her life. She had cancer and lost her left breast for which reason, her husband left her. He could not stand looking at her hody. Eli, was very understanding because he said, his mother had also cancer many years ago when he was 24 years old. Eli said, "I can't tell the future, but I'm positive your battle with cancer will not come between us."
Comment Written 05-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
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If I ever need a a synopsis of my stories, I know who to call. Thank you
Comment from bowls
What a lovely story! I'm sure they'll make a wonderful couple. Your description of the dog suggests you have a real fondness for them. He comes off as a lovable pooch. Very natural-sounding dialogue here. When she first gets her pink dress I think you've left a word out. You say, "George said I looked nice it". That sentence could probably use an "in". A bit later you write "She fell; using her arms to protect her face". You might have left part of the sentence out, but as it stands you don't need the semi colon since you don't have two main clauses. I'm so glad you're coming along. Do rest as much as you need to.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
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What a lovely story! I'm sure they'll make a wonderful couple. Your description of the dog suggests you have a real fondness for them. He comes off as a lovable pooch. Very natural-sounding dialogue here. When she first gets her pink dress I think you've left a word out. You say, "George said I looked nice it". That sentence could probably use an "in". A bit later you write "She fell; using her arms to protect her face". You might have left part of the sentence out, but as it stands you don't need the semi colon since you don't have two main clauses. I'm so glad you're coming along. Do rest as much as you need to.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
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I have made those changes. I appreciate your eagle eye.
Comment from Pili Pubul
I love this story, is well written and is about a subject that we all should know about and talk about. Of course I love the promising romance coming, adore dogs even if they are giants LOL. As you may remember I am on chemo too and yes is exhausting, but I am glad that you seem to be doing better than you expected before you started. One day at the time...
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
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I love this story, is well written and is about a subject that we all should know about and talk about. Of course I love the promising romance coming, adore dogs even if they are giants LOL. As you may remember I am on chemo too and yes is exhausting, but I am glad that you seem to be doing better than you expected before you started. One day at the time...
Comment Written 05-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
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I love all dogs, but I am partial to the gentle giants. I also own a black labrador. I have reasonable days and bad days. Today is a reasonable day. My prayers continue for you.
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Thank you my friend, I am glad is reasonable day today. I pray for you too, and I am optimistic. Love labradors a lot, unfortunaly I have great problem walking, so we have a cat, very sweet girl...
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I also have a kitty, she completely is in charge of both of these dogs. It's funny to watch.
Comment from mcfinlayson
This narrative has a great flow and realistic characters. The dialog is strong and your writing style is easy to read. The only reservation that I have is that perhaps the 'relationship' between the two characters was developed too quickly. I'm aware that this may well be due to the medium where it is written, but it still bears mentioning. Overall I enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
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This narrative has a great flow and realistic characters. The dialog is strong and your writing style is easy to read. The only reservation that I have is that perhaps the 'relationship' between the two characters was developed too quickly. I'm aware that this may well be due to the medium where it is written, but it still bears mentioning. Overall I enjoyed it.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
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I believe one of the last things Eli says is that he doesn't know what the future holds but cancer will not have any impact on it. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from dportwood
barbara.wilkey,
Congratulations! I'm happy you are doing well. I've seen a few Great Pyrenees. Sometimes they're used as sheep dogs. Your story is excellent - well written and engrossing.
Duane
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
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barbara.wilkey,
Congratulations! I'm happy you are doing well. I've seen a few Great Pyrenees. Sometimes they're used as sheep dogs. Your story is excellent - well written and engrossing.
Duane
Comment Written 05-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
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My pyre loves to herd. He especially likes enjoys herding our black labrador. My lab enjoys playing tennis ball and catches it in the air. My son tries to teach the pyre but he insists on waiting till the ball drops and pouncing on it, which at his size looks silly. He's supper smart, so it's not his intelligence. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from pickthorn
Barbara.. This is a great story. There may be men out there who are as heartless as 'George', but I hope there are none that I know. I like stories with a happy ending and I'm glad Jasmine met a guy like Eli. I am glad you are keeping us posted on your treatments and how you are doing. Take care of yourself and get that rest. Hope you continue to do well with the treatments with a minimum of discomfort.
I found a couple of typos you may want to check:
He scratched the back of this neck ( his neck)
I think he liked you from the beginning that's way he tried to herd you ( that's why )
I enjoyed the story very much. Keep writing. :o)
pickthorn
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
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Barbara.. This is a great story. There may be men out there who are as heartless as 'George', but I hope there are none that I know. I like stories with a happy ending and I'm glad Jasmine met a guy like Eli. I am glad you are keeping us posted on your treatments and how you are doing. Take care of yourself and get that rest. Hope you continue to do well with the treatments with a minimum of discomfort.
I found a couple of typos you may want to check:
He scratched the back of this neck ( his neck)
I think he liked you from the beginning that's way he tried to herd you ( that's why )
I enjoyed the story very much. Keep writing. :o)
pickthorn
Comment Written 05-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
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I fixed those errors. Thank you for finding them. I appreciate your eagle eye.
Comment from JeffreyStone
It takes courage to battle cancer. It takes courage to face the consequences. And it takes courage to write about it. Congratulations on meeting the challenges. Your story is touching. JeffreyStone
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
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It takes courage to battle cancer. It takes courage to face the consequences. And it takes courage to write about it. Congratulations on meeting the challenges. Your story is touching. JeffreyStone
Comment Written 05-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
