The Predator
A young woman starts a new life.108 total reviews
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
I LOVED THIS IT HAS IMAGERY AND IS OOZING WITH EXCITEMENT, IT HAS GOOD FLOW i ENJOYED READING THIS THANKS FOR SHARING.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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I LOVED THIS IT HAS IMAGERY AND IS OOZING WITH EXCITEMENT, IT HAS GOOD FLOW i ENJOYED READING THIS THANKS FOR SHARING.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and encouragement.
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Barbara,
I met a Pyrenees outside Tewkesbury Abbey where I was both a Licenced Minister (Reader) and the Church Warden at the time. I invited his owner to take him inside and the dog was a real treat to meet and watch.
Nicely written story, and one I have heard many cancer survivors express regarding the 'mutilation' aspect and the loss of companionship or a relationship. Such a shame that people can't see beyond the purely cosmetic.
Patrick
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Hi Barbara,
I met a Pyrenees outside Tewkesbury Abbey where I was both a Licenced Minister (Reader) and the Church Warden at the time. I invited his owner to take him inside and the dog was a real treat to meet and watch.
Nicely written story, and one I have heard many cancer survivors express regarding the 'mutilation' aspect and the loss of companionship or a relationship. Such a shame that people can't see beyond the purely cosmetic.
Patrick
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Thank you for your kind words. My pyre is a joy to have around daily. He's extremely polite.
Comment from Thesis
Tese dogs are fantastic. I've seen several, but would love to own one. Of course, my wife and daughters have a Maltese. Although I love her to death, it's quite a sight to see a 6'2 guy walking a dog no longer than his shoe size, lol.
I liked the story. It was quite interesting how this guy came into her life. I kept wondering if he was the predator. - John
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Tese dogs are fantastic. I've seen several, but would love to own one. Of course, my wife and daughters have a Maltese. Although I love her to death, it's quite a sight to see a 6'2 guy walking a dog no longer than his shoe size, lol.
I liked the story. It was quite interesting how this guy came into her life. I kept wondering if he was the predator. - John
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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I grew up with a chihuahua. My brother, a huge jock, felt embarrased when his friends would come over and see this chichuahua. He talked our parents into a large dog, my parents said okay and assumed he would bring home a labrador or something similar. He brought home a Great Dane. My dad asked the vet how big he would get. The vet said the more you feed him the bigger he'll get. Dad decided we over fed him. He was 38 inches tot he shoulder and weighed 225 pounds, a big boy, but another gentle giant.
Comment from Writeaway...
Taking a break from the novel are we, hmm, I was looking forward to reading the next chapter. However this piece is amongst your best work, I can find nothing to suggest for improvement and was kept in thralled from beginning to end, hang in there, keep writing!! :)
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Taking a break from the novel are we, hmm, I was looking forward to reading the next chapter. However this piece is amongst your best work, I can find nothing to suggest for improvement and was kept in thralled from beginning to end, hang in there, keep writing!! :)
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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I am going to try to post my next chapter Sunday, but if I don't have the pumps, I will post as soon as I get them. Thank you for caring.
Comment from Gungalo
OH so sighhhhhh. What a love story this is gonna be and the closing line is awesome. A strong write you havehere and a pretty wonderful new beginning, I'd say.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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OH so sighhhhhh. What a love story this is gonna be and the closing line is awesome. A strong write you havehere and a pretty wonderful new beginning, I'd say.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and encouragement.
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My pleasure Barbara!!!
Comment from marcellawachtel
In spite of the fact that I have no feelings for dogs whatever, I am enjoying this good story- I hope you consider working this into a novel. I like the people you introduced us to. I think this courtship was too whirlwind for reality, and why did she decide to leave after the first bite? Was there something wrong with the meat? There was no mention, I know that, but it isn't something a woman would do. Too many things happened too quickly in this first part (I hope it's a first part),
I am so glad you are feeling better.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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In spite of the fact that I have no feelings for dogs whatever, I am enjoying this good story- I hope you consider working this into a novel. I like the people you introduced us to. I think this courtship was too whirlwind for reality, and why did she decide to leave after the first bite? Was there something wrong with the meat? There was no mention, I know that, but it isn't something a woman would do. Too many things happened too quickly in this first part (I hope it's a first part),
I am so glad you are feeling better.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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I need to make some changes I am changing the firt bite to staring at the steak and I haven't figured out what to do about the world win romance, I have only 1500 words to work with.
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Oh! I didn't realize this was an entry that limited your words. One way you might handle it was for either or both of them to be thinking (in those italics you use,) that this thing seems to be going very quickly. That might make the reader accept it because you brought it up. Whatever you do, it is a good story, and worth the work. Marcella
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I can't do both of them thinking. I't in her POV. It's too short to switch POV's.
Comment from Missey
Good story - it's a very good topic and an interesting scenario. My one critique would be that the relationship happened awfully fast. Not many poeple, I don't think, would want to share something that personal, that fast. I also like the dog being part of the story, but it confused me at first because when she said she was scarred, and was afraid of the dog, I thought she might have been attacked by a bear, which kind of took away from the cancer theme. Was that intentional to build suspense? I think this story has potential though! Cancer is a terrible thing to have to deal with - and it's wonderful when there are people who are willing to be loving and supportive.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Good story - it's a very good topic and an interesting scenario. My one critique would be that the relationship happened awfully fast. Not many poeple, I don't think, would want to share something that personal, that fast. I also like the dog being part of the story, but it confused me at first because when she said she was scarred, and was afraid of the dog, I thought she might have been attacked by a bear, which kind of took away from the cancer theme. Was that intentional to build suspense? I think this story has potential though! Cancer is a terrible thing to have to deal with - and it's wonderful when there are people who are willing to be loving and supportive.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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The reason I put the last sentence in is because Eli said, I don't know what the future holds. Yes, the dog part was put in because I needed a different way for a boy to meet a girl other than in a bar. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from hyway94
DI have to give you six for a great story. I'm really proud to see you doing so well. But the word of the day is rest, rest and rest. chemo can make a person tired and sometimes sick to the stomach. So please take care of your self.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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DI have to give you six for a great story. I'm really proud to see you doing so well. But the word of the day is rest, rest and rest. chemo can make a person tired and sometimes sick to the stomach. So please take care of your self.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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I am doing my best. My boys favorite word right now is, "GIT!" Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Spiritual Echo
This is a great story and it works on so many levels. Have you considered this as a chapter in a book. It has all the ingredients of being able to sustain a ride through hard covers.
Only a single thought to throw out. I'm not sure if your girl would take a bite of steak, then push back her chair to leave. I'd consider her staring at the steak. Somehow if someone took a bite out of a meal then got up to leave I'd have to ask if there was something wrong with the food. Just kidding, but I don't think in the order that you add this to the story its realistic.
Great read. Love the bear attack. I really thought after all she had suffered she was now going to be mutilated further.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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This is a great story and it works on so many levels. Have you considered this as a chapter in a book. It has all the ingredients of being able to sustain a ride through hard covers.
Only a single thought to throw out. I'm not sure if your girl would take a bite of steak, then push back her chair to leave. I'd consider her staring at the steak. Somehow if someone took a bite out of a meal then got up to leave I'd have to ask if there was something wrong with the food. Just kidding, but I don't think in the order that you add this to the story its realistic.
Great read. Love the bear attack. I really thought after all she had suffered she was now going to be mutilated further.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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I like your suggestion. I will change it. Thank you for your eagle eye.
Comment from lola29
I think anyone who survies cancer is a winner. Some people are shallow, and if beauty is their primary concern, then I think their life will be filled with a lot of sadness because they will be missing out on true beauty.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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I think anyone who survies cancer is a winner. Some people are shallow, and if beauty is their primary concern, then I think their life will be filled with a lot of sadness because they will be missing out on true beauty.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
