The Predator
A young woman starts a new life.108 total reviews
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
yes, barbara:
resting is a good thing but it takes a little
getting used to if you've never gotten in the
habit of it -- I find it a real blow to my ego
to find out I cannot go at the pace I used to,
then I have to remind myself how lucky I am to
be alive
this is an excellent story
I am so glad your chemo is going well
thanks for sharing
that is quite a dog
love,
jan
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
  |
yes, barbara:
resting is a good thing but it takes a little
getting used to if you've never gotten in the
habit of it -- I find it a real blow to my ego
to find out I cannot go at the pace I used to,
then I have to remind myself how lucky I am to
be alive
this is an excellent story
I am so glad your chemo is going well
thanks for sharing
that is quite a dog
love,
jan
Comment Written 07-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review. I may have to devote an entire story to Great Pyrenees, he's becoming a star.
Comment from Soledadpaz
I'm glad your first treatment went well. I hold good thoughts for you. And yes, you must rest and let your body fight its battle.
This story is very touching. A story known by so many. Thankfully, their stories also have good endings.
Take good care of yourself.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
|
I'm glad your first treatment went well. I hold good thoughts for you. And yes, you must rest and let your body fight its battle.
This story is very touching. A story known by so many. Thankfully, their stories also have good endings.
Take good care of yourself.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from ejebb1951
I am so glad I had the opportunity to read this piece Barbara. This was most touching. Earlier this year I had breast cancer scare that lasted for four months. True faith brought me through. I stood on God's word and He delivered me. This was emotional, funny, everything was just awesome. Much, much Kudos.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
 |
I am so glad I had the opportunity to read this piece Barbara. This was most touching. Earlier this year I had breast cancer scare that lasted for four months. True faith brought me through. I stood on God's word and He delivered me. This was emotional, funny, everything was just awesome. Much, much Kudos.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from mbarkersimpson
Hi Barbara
This is a beautiful story and well written. It's inspirational and speaks to the heart. It's also a testiment to strong women. I really loved it.
I hope you continue to do well on chemo.
Kind regards
Mel
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
|
Hi Barbara
This is a beautiful story and well written. It's inspirational and speaks to the heart. It's also a testiment to strong women. I really loved it.
I hope you continue to do well on chemo.
Kind regards
Mel
Comment Written 07-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
First and most importantly; I am delighted that you have come through your first chemo with flying colours.
Yes, rest must be a necessity!
Now the story. I could sense the pain and rejection Jasmine must have suffered. You illustrate it in such a way that the reader feels involved.
Good use of the resident prop in the form of the Great Dane, and the reader is left with the hope that this meeting will prove to be the start of something really good.
Juliette
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
|
First and most importantly; I am delighted that you have come through your first chemo with flying colours.
Yes, rest must be a necessity!
Now the story. I could sense the pain and rejection Jasmine must have suffered. You illustrate it in such a way that the reader feels involved.
Good use of the resident prop in the form of the Great Dane, and the reader is left with the hope that this meeting will prove to be the start of something really good.
Juliette
Comment Written 07-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review and encouring words.
Comment from M. Karol
Nice staory but little fast. It takes time for people to reach a stage when they can share deep wounds. In the very first meeting, they looked rather too close.
the bear dog was scary. I am surprised it became so timid and loving in the end. It brought them closer though.
Madhvi
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
|
Nice staory but little fast. It takes time for people to reach a stage when they can share deep wounds. In the very first meeting, they looked rather too close.
the bear dog was scary. I am surprised it became so timid and loving in the end. It brought them closer though.
Madhvi
Comment Written 07-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
-
The dog didn't want to HURT her, it was tryign to HERD her. Pyrenees do that, all the time. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from rama devi
Great news about your handling chemo well. That fatigue is inevitable but it's good you've learned resting is a good thing.
:)
the cancer-recovery theme makes sense, and it is a clear theme in the story, yet I felt this story did not dive deeply enough into it. The conflict/resolution aspect of your plot could be strengthened a bit - this seems more like a first chapter to a novel than a complete short story in itself.
The characters are well defined and the pacing and dialog are good, though there are a few places that might be better trimmed.
Enjoyed the dog-character in this story, especially because it brings back fond memories. I lived with a boyfriend about twenty five years ago who owned a huge black bear of a dog whom he called 'IGGIGRY" which means Black Bear in the native language of the northwestern eskimo tribes. We called him Iggy and he used to knock people over with his affection. (he also drooled).
LOL
*Not sure of the punctuation here-
"I should introduce myself, Eli Parker. I'm glad to meet you."
*Felt this question came on too suddenly - on the first day of meeting.
"I have a feeling your secret's tearing you up inside. It might help if you talk about it. I'm a great listener."
Also, sounded odd that he referred to them as if in a relationship when they first met.
*If it stops,(no ,) in a few weeks, okay, and if it doesn't(, or --) great."
Overall, this is well written but has room for improvement in terms of short-story composition style. It would make a great first chapter.
Lots of Love and prayers for speedy recovery,
rd
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
 |
Great news about your handling chemo well. That fatigue is inevitable but it's good you've learned resting is a good thing.
:)
the cancer-recovery theme makes sense, and it is a clear theme in the story, yet I felt this story did not dive deeply enough into it. The conflict/resolution aspect of your plot could be strengthened a bit - this seems more like a first chapter to a novel than a complete short story in itself.
The characters are well defined and the pacing and dialog are good, though there are a few places that might be better trimmed.
Enjoyed the dog-character in this story, especially because it brings back fond memories. I lived with a boyfriend about twenty five years ago who owned a huge black bear of a dog whom he called 'IGGIGRY" which means Black Bear in the native language of the northwestern eskimo tribes. We called him Iggy and he used to knock people over with his affection. (he also drooled).
LOL
*Not sure of the punctuation here-
"I should introduce myself, Eli Parker. I'm glad to meet you."
*Felt this question came on too suddenly - on the first day of meeting.
"I have a feeling your secret's tearing you up inside. It might help if you talk about it. I'm a great listener."
Also, sounded odd that he referred to them as if in a relationship when they first met.
*If it stops,(no ,) in a few weeks, okay, and if it doesn't(, or --) great."
Overall, this is well written but has room for improvement in terms of short-story composition style. It would make a great first chapter.
Lots of Love and prayers for speedy recovery,
rd
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
-
I made a hard copy of the suggestions and will takle them one at a time. I had only 1500 words to do this story in.
Comment from c_lucas
This is a very well written story with the promise of a happy ending. There is very good imagery and descriptie scheme. Good Job. I wish you the best in your fight with the Demon Cancer.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
|
This is a very well written story with the promise of a happy ending. There is very good imagery and descriptie scheme. Good Job. I wish you the best in your fight with the Demon Cancer.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review and encouraging words.
-
You're welcome, Barbara. Charlie
Comment from CodyJack
Good luck with the treatments. I wish you only the best. This story is good with imagery and I need to read more chapters It grabs you from start to finish. Great story and well written. Cody
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
|
Good luck with the treatments. I wish you only the best. This story is good with imagery and I need to read more chapters It grabs you from start to finish. Great story and well written. Cody
Comment Written 07-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from whitteron
This is a good story and well written. I didn't see the ending coming. As the story progressed, I thought she sounded too young to ave been married for ten years. the conclusion pulled everything together very well.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
|
This is a good story and well written. I didn't see the ending coming. As the story progressed, I thought she sounded too young to ave been married for ten years. the conclusion pulled everything together very well.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
-
HUMMMM, interesting comment. It's the first I have about her age. I will take that into consideration.
