The Predator
A young woman starts a new life.108 total reviews
Comment from 1ClosetWriter
I like your story! I like how you allowed us into the thoughts in Jasmine's head, and how she met Eli. Being a romantic at heart, this story touched my heart! Thank you for sharing and congrats on the surviving the first chemo treatment!
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2010
  |
I like your story! I like how you allowed us into the thoughts in Jasmine's head, and how she met Eli. Being a romantic at heart, this story touched my heart! Thank you for sharing and congrats on the surviving the first chemo treatment!
Comment Written 09-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Southern Writer
knowing this was in some way a personal story, was glad to see the humor in it. And I love the dog, would have one if I wanted a bear.Liked the ending, cause everyone is touched by cancer and noone is that shocked about the lose of a breast anymore.
Glad your first chemo is over. Can't tell you how important rest is for you. and be sure you eat well, organic foods and stay away from chemicals of all kinds, even cleaning supplies. Keeping you in my thoughts. If you are going to lose your hair, got pick out a wig while you still have hair. my pal has had 5 treatments for her cancer. popped on the new wig and noone even notices.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2010
|
knowing this was in some way a personal story, was glad to see the humor in it. And I love the dog, would have one if I wanted a bear.Liked the ending, cause everyone is touched by cancer and noone is that shocked about the lose of a breast anymore.
Glad your first chemo is over. Can't tell you how important rest is for you. and be sure you eat well, organic foods and stay away from chemicals of all kinds, even cleaning supplies. Keeping you in my thoughts. If you are going to lose your hair, got pick out a wig while you still have hair. my pal has had 5 treatments for her cancer. popped on the new wig and noone even notices.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review and encouraging words.
Comment from Joseph W. Sestrich
Greetings barbara wilkey,
It was so refreshing to read such a well organized and constructed work. It flowed easily from one frame to the other with any tugs or jerks to distract or confuse the reader.
Your detailed attention t the dress; its soiling by the encounter with the dog, the offering that was made to clean it, the sighting of it on the back of the kitchen chair by Eli and his taking it for future cleaning, was a very nice follow up focal point.
I also thought the use of the dog, his size, his ability to intimidate and cause you concern tied in quite well with Jasmin's concern about her physical scars from breast surgery. Sam showed Jasmin that she did not have to be afraid of Sam, that she did not have to be afraid of him either, nor be afraid of talking to him about the obvious problem she was having dealing with and taking a chance in its revealing. That was a very effective way to lead us her coming to grips with and facing her terror.
You produced a very difficult reality in a gentle manner. This may help others process their own tragic personal situations with comforting acceptance instead of paralyzing fear. I wish you the best with your journey as well. It can be a very exhausting road to have to walk.
I have given the majority of review attention in the area of Poetry. Most of the stories I have read (and I have read a number of them) have not succeeded in drawing me in to them. Too much jumping around with lack of cohesion. Yours grabbed my attention and held it until the last word of your creation.
No doubt, you must receive quite favorable reviews on a consistent basis. From what I just experienced in reading this, the praise of you work is well deserved.
I myself produce poetry. You would be most welcome anytime to view this body of work in my portfolio.
Thank you for bringing a smile to my day. I will help to melt some of the snow that is falling here this afternoon.
Joseph
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2010
|
Greetings barbara wilkey,
It was so refreshing to read such a well organized and constructed work. It flowed easily from one frame to the other with any tugs or jerks to distract or confuse the reader.
Your detailed attention t the dress; its soiling by the encounter with the dog, the offering that was made to clean it, the sighting of it on the back of the kitchen chair by Eli and his taking it for future cleaning, was a very nice follow up focal point.
I also thought the use of the dog, his size, his ability to intimidate and cause you concern tied in quite well with Jasmin's concern about her physical scars from breast surgery. Sam showed Jasmin that she did not have to be afraid of Sam, that she did not have to be afraid of him either, nor be afraid of talking to him about the obvious problem she was having dealing with and taking a chance in its revealing. That was a very effective way to lead us her coming to grips with and facing her terror.
You produced a very difficult reality in a gentle manner. This may help others process their own tragic personal situations with comforting acceptance instead of paralyzing fear. I wish you the best with your journey as well. It can be a very exhausting road to have to walk.
I have given the majority of review attention in the area of Poetry. Most of the stories I have read (and I have read a number of them) have not succeeded in drawing me in to them. Too much jumping around with lack of cohesion. Yours grabbed my attention and held it until the last word of your creation.
No doubt, you must receive quite favorable reviews on a consistent basis. From what I just experienced in reading this, the praise of you work is well deserved.
I myself produce poetry. You would be most welcome anytime to view this body of work in my portfolio.
Thank you for bringing a smile to my day. I will help to melt some of the snow that is falling here this afternoon.
Joseph
Comment Written 09-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review and encouraging words. I will check out your poetry, but I can't promise such a wonderful review. I know very little about poetry, only what I like and don't like. I have not studied it so am ignorant in that area.
Comment from reshwity
Putting the inner dialogue in another font makes it jarring to read.
The scene when she first meets the dog is hillarious and I once had a similar dog and that is exactly what used to happen.
I like the twist as you have made us think there was some violence instead it is surgery.
a very enjoyable read. you are missing a " in front of one of your direct speech.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2010
|
Putting the inner dialogue in another font makes it jarring to read.
The scene when she first meets the dog is hillarious and I once had a similar dog and that is exactly what used to happen.
I like the twist as you have made us think there was some violence instead it is surgery.
a very enjoyable read. you are missing a " in front of one of your direct speech.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2010
-
I am sorry but it's standard procedure to use italics for thought. I willl search out that missing ". Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from M.L. Gardner
I like this. Is this something you plan on continuing as a book? It tackles a tough issue many can relate to. I like relateable fiction escapes. Well done.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2010
|
I like this. Is this something you plan on continuing as a book? It tackles a tough issue many can relate to. I like relateable fiction escapes. Well done.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2010
-
I orginally wrote this as only a short story, but many have requested I continue it, so I just might.
Comment from duckylamour
This was upbeat and easy to read dealing with a serious subject, breast cancer. It flowed and gives people hope dealing with such a serious topic.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2010
|
This was upbeat and easy to read dealing with a serious subject, breast cancer. It flowed and gives people hope dealing with such a serious topic.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from RazberryBullet
Got a chuckle here: What's that stuff hanging from his mouth?"
"Drool, his third bad habit." He rubbed the back of his neck.
"Does he have any good habits?" Her eyes widened. "I like your sense of humor." He chuckled. "Right this minute, I'm not sure." LOL!!!
suggestion: "You get off work at five-thirty, right?" (")Yes, but ... I guess it'll be all right."
Liked the ending :) Well done!
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
|
Got a chuckle here: What's that stuff hanging from his mouth?"
"Drool, his third bad habit." He rubbed the back of his neck.
"Does he have any good habits?" Her eyes widened. "I like your sense of humor." He chuckled. "Right this minute, I'm not sure." LOL!!!
suggestion: "You get off work at five-thirty, right?" (")Yes, but ... I guess it'll be all right."
Liked the ending :) Well done!
Comment Written 08-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
-
I rewrote that section and still messed up, darn. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Pen&Ink
Hello barbara.wilkey,
This is a really good story. It deals with a serious topic, but puts it into a style most could appreciate. Not too glum. I usually shy away from the romance genre. I'm glad I stuck around to read this piece. I see nothing to correct or change.
A very good write and an equally good read.
Ray
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
|
Hello barbara.wilkey,
This is a really good story. It deals with a serious topic, but puts it into a style most could appreciate. Not too glum. I usually shy away from the romance genre. I'm glad I stuck around to read this piece. I see nothing to correct or change.
A very good write and an equally good read.
Ray
Comment Written 08-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate your encouraging words.
Comment from MizKat
Barbara - I really like this story too. It's nice that you wrote about breast cancer since you know about it. I'm so glad you're doing well after chemo. Now you'll be going again for a second one. It was in your author notes in the chapter of your book I just read, but I forgot to mention it then.
Where do these Great Pyrenees come from? We have a huge dog too, but he's got short hair and is completely black. We don't know for sure what kind of a dog he is, but we think he's part chow and part black lab. Some people say labs can get really big. I didn't think so. Kat
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
|
Barbara - I really like this story too. It's nice that you wrote about breast cancer since you know about it. I'm so glad you're doing well after chemo. Now you'll be going again for a second one. It was in your author notes in the chapter of your book I just read, but I forgot to mention it then.
Where do these Great Pyrenees come from? We have a huge dog too, but he's got short hair and is completely black. We don't know for sure what kind of a dog he is, but we think he's part chow and part black lab. Some people say labs can get really big. I didn't think so. Kat
Comment Written 08-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
-
Great Pyrenees are orginally from the Alps of France. They were a herding dog. Some Labradors do get very large. I had a yellow lab that weighed 80 pounds. She was large for a female lab. I appreciate your review.
-
I think this dog must weight around 80 pounds. We're taking him to the vet tomorrow to get fixed. They'll weigh him there. Thanks for telling me where your kind of dog is originally from. Kat
-
The vet should be able to tell what breeds this dog has in him.
-
I wondered about that. I hope he will know what he is. Kat
Comment from sibhus
I guess I would have like the story for GreatPyrenees, which you have done a great jo describing. My son rescued one from a kill shelter, even though he he crew up with Huskies, but we got over that. As for the rest of the story it was very intense and feel with a lot of empathy for cancer surviving character. Having knoew a few people that have survived this ordeal. You have written a womderful story of hope and survival.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
|
I guess I would have like the story for GreatPyrenees, which you have done a great jo describing. My son rescued one from a kill shelter, even though he he crew up with Huskies, but we got over that. As for the rest of the story it was very intense and feel with a lot of empathy for cancer surviving character. Having knoew a few people that have survived this ordeal. You have written a womderful story of hope and survival.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review.
