Old Blackwater
What lurks??24 total reviews
Comment from Kathryn Varuzza
Susan,
This is good. I had to give you a 6.
Creepy.
Chilling
Suspenseful.
Good descriptions
Good dialogue.
Great ending.
Good luck in the contest.
luv,
katie
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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Susan,
This is good. I had to give you a 6.
Creepy.
Chilling
Suspenseful.
Good descriptions
Good dialogue.
Great ending.
Good luck in the contest.
luv,
katie
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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Oh Katie, I read this and thought I had thanked you! SO sorry, what a wonderfully encouraging review. I am told I need more dialogue, so may redo some of this...but how I appreciate your time for me to read it and let me know your thoughts! Thank you dear one...HUGS and a smile! Susan
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Susan,
you're welcome.
hugs,
katie
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One more thank you...it's so special getting a sixer, as they call them. Hug to you too young lady!! ") Susan
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you're welcome Susan,
hugs,
katie
Comment from adewpearl
swathed through the water for it's prey - drop the apostrophe
like the alligator's he always pursued - drop the apostrophe
age was taking it's toll - drop the apostrophe
the abborition rose - apparition??
like a god and with lighting flashing - lightning
flashing from it's eyes - drop the apostrophe
into it's unholy realm - drop the apostrophe
Susan, this is one SCARY story - you create atmosphere so well with your description of setting and you create suspense so well, and when the poor little dog falls victim to that claw - UGH. I really enjoyed reading this horrific tale with a great ending :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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swathed through the water for it's prey - drop the apostrophe
like the alligator's he always pursued - drop the apostrophe
age was taking it's toll - drop the apostrophe
the abborition rose - apparition??
like a god and with lighting flashing - lightning
flashing from it's eyes - drop the apostrophe
into it's unholy realm - drop the apostrophe
Susan, this is one SCARY story - you create atmosphere so well with your description of setting and you create suspense so well, and when the poor little dog falls victim to that claw - UGH. I really enjoyed reading this horrific tale with a great ending :-) Brooke
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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Hi Brooke! Thanks again!! I did fix your suggestions too! Do you think I need more dialogue? They say modern readers like less narrative, ?? Less telling. But it is always what comes to me...? But, it's a great feeling to hear you liked this silly tale Brooke. Thank you so much!! ") Susan
Comment from venusanblue
A really good enjoyable story. It kept me reading. Ah poor little dog, but I thought it was a bloodhound? I was surprised it was a terrier. But all in all, nice read.
V,xx
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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A really good enjoyable story. It kept me reading. Ah poor little dog, but I thought it was a bloodhound? I was surprised it was a terrier. But all in all, nice read.
V,xx
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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Hi Venus! Thank you!! I am thrilled that you liked my silly tale! And for the wonderful review you have taken time to do for me too!! HUGS! Susan
Comment from c_lucas
It is hard to believe that Alligators are on the endangered species list. This is very well written. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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It is hard to believe that Alligators are on the endangered species list. This is very well written. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Hi Charlie! Thank you! I had a ball, mostly because I found a fun picture, my son said, "Is THAT really necessary?" So, I knew I had the right piece of art! ") Thank you again Charlie!! ") Susan
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Y9u're weclome. Susan. Charlie
Comment from Lon Frank
Oh ma sha! I like dis, me. Make me wanna get de dog and de pirouge and hunt dat gator t'ing, it do. Maybe take the wort'less brother-in-law, Eustace, along for bait. LOL!
I get de beer and you whup up some a' yo' mamma's fried chicken. Den, I be comin' by wit' de boat and we gonna pass a good time, back in de swamps. Jes' you an' me, gal, an' dem old big spookies!
Lon
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Oh ma sha! I like dis, me. Make me wanna get de dog and de pirouge and hunt dat gator t'ing, it do. Maybe take the wort'less brother-in-law, Eustace, along for bait. LOL!
I get de beer and you whup up some a' yo' mamma's fried chicken. Den, I be comin' by wit' de boat and we gonna pass a good time, back in de swamps. Jes' you an' me, gal, an' dem old big spookies!
Lon
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Hi Lon! This review is better than my silly story!! Yeehaw! I should have consulted you for help with dialect!! Swamps are among the spookiest places on earth, to me! I would drown you, hanging onto your head Lon!! ") Thank you for a really fun and encouraging review! ") Susan
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Susan, I left the ranch when I was 17 and got a job on a towboat out of Lake Charles. The Captain was named Percy Premeaux, and the other boat hands were a Thibedeaux, two Beaudreaux's and a Chagois. I love the swamps and marshes and the people, mostly, who live among the balled cypress and Spanish moss. Your story would have had some of them ole boys, awalking on water!
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Oh that's just awesome Lon!! I love those names!! I wish I could meet these people...have you ever seen a movie called "Southern Comfort"? An all star cast about six weekend "warriors" who take on the Cajuns. One of my fav movies. What a grand reply...wow. I will ask for help the next time I try for this dialect? Smiles, Susan
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Susan, your dialect was just fine. If you go all out Cajun, why, cain't nobody unnerstan' you darlin'!
Comment from humpwhistle
So Susan, you want to give me nightmares, eh? I think you took some time writing this story. I would have thought the Cajun swamps were out of you jurisdiction, but you played it out well. Great job, and good luck with the contest. Oh, did you mention that the last night of gator season is 10/31? I might have missed it. If not, I think a Halloween mention might help with the judging.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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So Susan, you want to give me nightmares, eh? I think you took some time writing this story. I would have thought the Cajun swamps were out of you jurisdiction, but you played it out well. Great job, and good luck with the contest. Oh, did you mention that the last night of gator season is 10/31? I might have missed it. If not, I think a Halloween mention might help with the judging.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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") That's a good idea! I will try to work it in Lee! HUGS and smiles for a kind and encouraging review...you have helped cheer me up this cold and windy day!! Susan
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
This is so amazing - something
quite unique, Susan - I so enjoyed
this tale of horror
the water for it's prey - its
was taking it's toll - its
montrosity - monstrosity
flashing from it's eyes - its
tresspass - trespass
it's unholy - its
Good luck in the contest, my friend.
Margaret.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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This is so amazing - something
quite unique, Susan - I so enjoyed
this tale of horror
the water for it's prey - its
was taking it's toll - its
montrosity - monstrosity
flashing from it's eyes - its
tresspass - trespass
it's unholy - its
Good luck in the contest, my friend.
Margaret.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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Hi Margaret!! I corrected these! Thank you again!! Darn!! Those apostraphes. I hate them! Ahhhhh!!! But at least I have help! Gee. SO glad you liked this, and I really got lucky finding that odd picture!! It's a good piece of art!! Smiles!! Susan
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I do the same with - farther and further - often get it wrong. Mx
Comment from Begin Again
Susan,
Girl Fried, I don't want to hang out in that Cajun neighborhood for nothing. It's daylight and I'm still shivering. You chose an excellent photo to compliment your writing. Very well done..your imagery, thoughts, and flow were excellent and very welll thought out. You really are on top of this one, Susan..I hope you win..you deserve something wonderful to happen.
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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Susan,
Girl Fried, I don't want to hang out in that Cajun neighborhood for nothing. It's daylight and I'm still shivering. You chose an excellent photo to compliment your writing. Very well done..your imagery, thoughts, and flow were excellent and very welll thought out. You really are on top of this one, Susan..I hope you win..you deserve something wonderful to happen.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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Oh wow! I finally got to this one, thank you dear Carol!! Your comments are so encouraging, and helpful. I redid the other one, it IS much better...THANK YOU for that too!! I am so tired, just writing a silly story wears me thin. Thank you so much. It's always fun to give it a go! You too, keep at it!! Love you! Susan
Comment from Judy Swanson
Oh my, Susan. This was wonderfully terrifying and a great Halloween contest entry!
Your imagery is excellent throughout, but a couple of spots really grabbed me - very powerful.
Something huge had reared up out of the water and taken a crane, like a frog takes a fly,
And once in a while, they would gently move, as if unseen fingers had wistfully run through them.
And, many more.
I don't know how you write this stuff - it is awesome. Dark, mysterious, troubling - and very well written. The dialog and dialect sound authentic and add a lot to the story set in a Cajun swamp or bayou. All of the spookiness comes to life.
Very well done, my friend.
Judy
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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Oh my, Susan. This was wonderfully terrifying and a great Halloween contest entry!
Your imagery is excellent throughout, but a couple of spots really grabbed me - very powerful.
Something huge had reared up out of the water and taken a crane, like a frog takes a fly,
And once in a while, they would gently move, as if unseen fingers had wistfully run through them.
And, many more.
I don't know how you write this stuff - it is awesome. Dark, mysterious, troubling - and very well written. The dialog and dialect sound authentic and add a lot to the story set in a Cajun swamp or bayou. All of the spookiness comes to life.
Very well done, my friend.
Judy
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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Hi Judy!! Thank you! I am so thrilled to see you enjoyed this one! ha. It was a fun one!! ANd I got so lucky to find the pix too!! One reviewer said it would have the real Cajun's "walking on water"! I was so tickled! Thanks again my dear friend! xoxo. Susan
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You are very welcome. I loved reading it. Judy
Comment from CALLAHANMR
1. Something huge had reared up out of the water and taken a crane, like a frog takes a fly,{Great imagery and simile.}
2. Both hunters fell into light sleep, unable to resist the caress of the early autumn sun. Dragonflies flitted silently around the hull of the boat, one landing on Buford's nose, waking him up. The little [terrior ==> terrier] was instantly on guard, searching again for the scent of an alligator close by. {I like the calm before the 'storm.'}
3. He peeked up from his hiding spot and the creature still [wrecked ==> wreaked] havoc on his old boat; it was in metal shreds by now, being swirled and tossed, it was in ruins. {A common error.}
4. He peeked up from his hiding spot and the creature still wrecked havoc on his old boat; it was in metal shreds by now, being swirled and tossed, it was in ruins. Gritton watched in disbelief as the gator he had been hunting raised up and latched onto the monster. Trying to roll with it, the fourteen foot 'gator had literally bit off more than it could chew.
The creature was thin, but strong. And it picked up the alligator, twisting it like a rag, then flinging it in the same direction it had little Buford. Gritton's blood boiled with desire to kill the thing and at the death of his dog. But his gun was long gone, there was nothing he could do but stay hidden. He didn't move. He barely breathed. And he vowed there would be another day. {Now I can almost feel Gritton's terror.}
I like the way the terrible creature dispatched the fourteen foot long gator. Now the gator Gritton had feared was secondary in his mind.What fear was generated in Gritton's mind.
This is a powerful horror story with a great atmosphere i Cajun country. The accent seemed authentic.
I hope you did ell in the contest.
Roger
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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1. Something huge had reared up out of the water and taken a crane, like a frog takes a fly,{Great imagery and simile.}
2. Both hunters fell into light sleep, unable to resist the caress of the early autumn sun. Dragonflies flitted silently around the hull of the boat, one landing on Buford's nose, waking him up. The little [terrior ==> terrier] was instantly on guard, searching again for the scent of an alligator close by. {I like the calm before the 'storm.'}
3. He peeked up from his hiding spot and the creature still [wrecked ==> wreaked] havoc on his old boat; it was in metal shreds by now, being swirled and tossed, it was in ruins. {A common error.}
4. He peeked up from his hiding spot and the creature still wrecked havoc on his old boat; it was in metal shreds by now, being swirled and tossed, it was in ruins. Gritton watched in disbelief as the gator he had been hunting raised up and latched onto the monster. Trying to roll with it, the fourteen foot 'gator had literally bit off more than it could chew.
The creature was thin, but strong. And it picked up the alligator, twisting it like a rag, then flinging it in the same direction it had little Buford. Gritton's blood boiled with desire to kill the thing and at the death of his dog. But his gun was long gone, there was nothing he could do but stay hidden. He didn't move. He barely breathed. And he vowed there would be another day. {Now I can almost feel Gritton's terror.}
I like the way the terrible creature dispatched the fourteen foot long gator. Now the gator Gritton had feared was secondary in his mind.What fear was generated in Gritton's mind.
This is a powerful horror story with a great atmosphere i Cajun country. The accent seemed authentic.
I hope you did ell in the contest.
Roger
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Wow, and many many thanks Roger! I am thrilled, and will fix my errors asap. I am so happy you liked this, your opinion means a lot to me. I love the picture I found, it fit perfect for my idea! I got lucky! Thank you so very much!! ") It will be a good day afterall! ") Susan
