Old Blackwater
What lurks??24 total reviews
Comment from Lee62
Creepy as all hell. I could clearly visualize the story as though watching it on TV. Some of the Cajun-speak threw me off for a few seconds but otherwise a great story for me. I like that the creature was ultimately protecting its home and the imagery of it twisting the gator like a rag was effective in describing the size of the creature. I would love to see a further story depicting the deceased characters turning into creatures as well and setting out for their own corner of the swamp. Well done.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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Creepy as all hell. I could clearly visualize the story as though watching it on TV. Some of the Cajun-speak threw me off for a few seconds but otherwise a great story for me. I like that the creature was ultimately protecting its home and the imagery of it twisting the gator like a rag was effective in describing the size of the creature. I would love to see a further story depicting the deceased characters turning into creatures as well and setting out for their own corner of the swamp. Well done.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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Hi there! What a great surprise! Thank you for delving deep into my work. I like this one too, and see that it needs some work. I may continue this. It would be fun to try!? Thank you again for reading an oldie! :)) Susan
Comment from Kaine Darcwater
Yeah! This is my kind of story. I loved the description of the swamp and your creature. Poor dog. You got this thing about writing dialogue in the Redneck's lingo don't you? LOL! Ya sure do. This could easily have been a much larger story. I think the ending could have talked about how the murky swamp water slowly turned red with blood. You really should write more like this and Possum Holler but longer. Kudos. ;)
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2011
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Yeah! This is my kind of story. I loved the description of the swamp and your creature. Poor dog. You got this thing about writing dialogue in the Redneck's lingo don't you? LOL! Ya sure do. This could easily have been a much larger story. I think the ending could have talked about how the murky swamp water slowly turned red with blood. You really should write more like this and Possum Holler but longer. Kudos. ;)
Comment Written 23-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2011
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Thanks Bryan! Glad you enjoyed...I love that art! ")) S.
Comment from MightyBilliam
Good pace, interesting characters and great dialogue phonetics. A swamp has always been a creepy setting and you've seem to have made it even more so.
Excellent work.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2011
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Good pace, interesting characters and great dialogue phonetics. A swamp has always been a creepy setting and you've seem to have made it even more so.
Excellent work.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2011
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Thank you so much! I would love to hear what I could do to make this a five or six in your eyes? I always want to improve! Thanks again! Susan
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Jeez, sorry, I thought I clicked on 5 stars...Can I change that?
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Nevermind, I just did.
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Oh, thanks! It's okay! I think if you click a six it stays. Otherwise you can change it. But no need! i just wanted to fix anything you may have noticed! :0)
Comment from Isaiah Ramesses
Great write, Susan. How did I miss that one? Creepy tale you've conjured up here. You should make horror/thriller your personal genre.
Isaiah
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2010
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Great write, Susan. How did I miss that one? Creepy tale you've conjured up here. You should make horror/thriller your personal genre.
Isaiah
Comment Written 14-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2010
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") Thanks Isaiah. It didn't even place, I never do well with these...I do enjoy them tho...did you like the pix?? I love it! ha. S>
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I loved it as well. I like creepy things though: creatures, ghost, aliens and the like.
Comment from anne1204
Very scary and spooky story. You timing and story telling was exactly right. A different kind of Halloween story. Description of swamp so good I could hear the crickets and see the lightning bugs fly. Anne 1204
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2010
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Very scary and spooky story. You timing and story telling was exactly right. A different kind of Halloween story. Description of swamp so good I could hear the crickets and see the lightning bugs fly. Anne 1204
Comment Written 08-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2010
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Oh you read my favorite one! ") What a grand review Anne. Thank you so much. I worked so hard on this! The rules said to "put readers on edge or terroize", that's what I tried to do? Thank you for this!! Susan...ps. so sorry for this slow reply! "(
Comment from Ted T
Hi Susan :)
More of this kind of work could be publishable.
I'll give you "four" because there are issues. The following sentence doesn't make sense:
[Gritton's blood boiled with desire to kill the thing and at the death of his dog.] -- You need to fix it.
I was getting a little tired of Gritton's dialect. At times it was hard to understand.
You still need more balance between "Telling" and "showing."
The piece has all the elements of being great.
Ted
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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Hi Susan :)
More of this kind of work could be publishable.
I'll give you "four" because there are issues. The following sentence doesn't make sense:
[Gritton's blood boiled with desire to kill the thing and at the death of his dog.] -- You need to fix it.
I was getting a little tired of Gritton's dialect. At times it was hard to understand.
You still need more balance between "Telling" and "showing."
The piece has all the elements of being great.
Ted
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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Hi again! Thank you for reading this long one! I will work on this too, after a bit of sleep. Happy writing Ted!! :) S.
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Okay :)
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
This story is the epitome of swamp-monster stories! For just a moment I thought the old man was going to get away safe.
It has great flow and great characters. The swamp is the perfect setting for a horror story. Good luck in the competition.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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This story is the epitome of swamp-monster stories! For just a moment I thought the old man was going to get away safe.
It has great flow and great characters. The swamp is the perfect setting for a horror story. Good luck in the competition.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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Hi Giddy! Thank you! I am thrilled that you enjoyed this one! AND took time to review for me too! I had fun writing it and got lucky to find a really creepy pix even! ") Thank you again. Susan
Comment from missy98writer
Susan,
your did a fantastic job on your horror story. The art work scared the pee out of me. Your narrative is excellent with great narrative and very god descriptive writing. Your words paint a creepy picture in my head. You managed to create a setting, conflict and resolution in your horror story. I was on the edge of my wheel chair on this one. Your story is an awesome entry in the Halloween Horror Story contest. I think this story will be a real contender and I wish you good luck in the contest. I hope I don't have a nightmare tonight after reading this one.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Susan,
your did a fantastic job on your horror story. The art work scared the pee out of me. Your narrative is excellent with great narrative and very god descriptive writing. Your words paint a creepy picture in my head. You managed to create a setting, conflict and resolution in your horror story. I was on the edge of my wheel chair on this one. Your story is an awesome entry in the Halloween Horror Story contest. I think this story will be a real contender and I wish you good luck in the contest. I hope I don't have a nightmare tonight after reading this one.
Melissa.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Me too, Melissa, but I am glad it gave you a little bit of a scare! Otherwise I would have failed?! Bless your heart, I love your reviews. I get such a kick out of your wonderful attitude and all the time you give me. Thank you my sweet friend! Luv you! Susan
Comment from BethShelby
Wow! You have build quite a tale around this horror picture. This is a excellent horror story. You build suspense and didn't leave you horror fans disappointed. How does a girl from Indiana know some much about the bayou and swamp country? This sounds like Louisiana, Florida, or South Georgia.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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Wow! You have build quite a tale around this horror picture. This is a excellent horror story. You build suspense and didn't leave you horror fans disappointed. How does a girl from Indiana know some much about the bayou and swamp country? This sounds like Louisiana, Florida, or South Georgia.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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Hi Beth! Thank you thank you!! I watched an episode of "Swamp People" on TRU t.v. channel! Those people are either really brave or really crazy! Ha! And I found this pix after the story, I couldn't believe how lucky I got. Some artwork. Did you think the dialect was off? If so, let me know, I wasn't sure...but thank you again, I'm tickled you enjoyed this! Wow. Susan
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You do a fantastic job with descriptions. You put your reader right there in the story. I still struggle in that area. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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You do a fantastic job with descriptions. You put your reader right there in the story. I still struggle in that area. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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Hi Barbara! What a really nice compliment...thank you very much!! I always try and to hear such encouragment from someone as accomplished as you really is nice. Thank you again Barbara! Smiles and a hug too. Susan
