Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Chaptet 9; part two"Can love survive small town gossip?
71 total reviews
Comment from animatqua
The action and tension here are great. You hold the fear in balance with the caring, giving the reader time to tense up, then catch their breath. Great technique!
You mention in the author's notes that you are losing your hair. I knit and crochet chemo caps for the local hospital. I do this to honor a dear friend. If there is a neutral address you would feel safe in transmitting, I would be glad to make one for you. Just tell me the colors that look best on you.
Barb
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2010
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The action and tension here are great. You hold the fear in balance with the caring, giving the reader time to tense up, then catch their breath. Great technique!
You mention in the author's notes that you are losing your hair. I knit and crochet chemo caps for the local hospital. I do this to honor a dear friend. If there is a neutral address you would feel safe in transmitting, I would be glad to make one for you. Just tell me the colors that look best on you.
Barb
Comment Written 31-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2010
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I will PM you. I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
What a horrible thing for a parent to have to go through. I can only wonder what I would under similar circumstances.
If missing children aren't found within the first twenty-four hours[,] the chances of finding them alive are slim.
"Is the reason the press hasn't hounded me[] because the Task Force's shielding me? -- This is very awkward but I can't figure what's wrong with it.
Within ten minutes[,] the front door opened[ and] Sara jumped up. "Joe?"
"Sorry[,] Sara. Joe's trailing a possible suspect. He won't be available until later. I came to get
It was after midnight[] when a noise woke her.
walked into the living room, [she Joe] was on the couch wearing dark gray sweat pants and a white athletic T-shirt.
[When] she knelt on the floor beside him. "Oh my."
She reached and touched the bloody gash in his arm[.] Joe said, "Please. Don't, it's nothing."
"We were easily visible[] because we hoped to force them to make a mistake.
"You're tired[. W]e can continue this later."
Sara stood at the front door[] as he jogged down the sidewalk.
He turned toward his car, [and] then glanced back at Sara
Do you know the story of the footsteps in the sand? Where there is only one set, it is because God is carrying you. You are in his arms.
Roberta
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2010
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What a horrible thing for a parent to have to go through. I can only wonder what I would under similar circumstances.
If missing children aren't found within the first twenty-four hours[,] the chances of finding them alive are slim.
"Is the reason the press hasn't hounded me[] because the Task Force's shielding me? -- This is very awkward but I can't figure what's wrong with it.
Within ten minutes[,] the front door opened[ and] Sara jumped up. "Joe?"
"Sorry[,] Sara. Joe's trailing a possible suspect. He won't be available until later. I came to get
It was after midnight[] when a noise woke her.
walked into the living room, [she Joe] was on the couch wearing dark gray sweat pants and a white athletic T-shirt.
[When] she knelt on the floor beside him. "Oh my."
She reached and touched the bloody gash in his arm[.] Joe said, "Please. Don't, it's nothing."
"We were easily visible[] because we hoped to force them to make a mistake.
"You're tired[. W]e can continue this later."
Sara stood at the front door[] as he jogged down the sidewalk.
He turned toward his car, [and] then glanced back at Sara
Do you know the story of the footsteps in the sand? Where there is only one set, it is because God is carrying you. You are in his arms.
Roberta
Comment Written 31-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2010
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Yes, the Footsteps in the Sand is one of my favorite stories. I struggle with commas. There are so many opinions on them Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Rama Rao
It's excellent to hear you are progressing well with your chemo therapy. Don't worry about hair, which you can get back or transplanted. I wish you speedy recovery.
As for the chapter it is excellent as usaul and doesn't need any further comment.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2010
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It's excellent to hear you are progressing well with your chemo therapy. Don't worry about hair, which you can get back or transplanted. I wish you speedy recovery.
As for the chapter it is excellent as usaul and doesn't need any further comment.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I have decided hair is the least of my problems.
Comment from Readywriter52
The situation has gotten tenser. Sara got a call telling that Cassie is alive, but won't be if the police continue to look for her. The story effectively shows how tense and fearful the characters are. Sara needs to trust Joe.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2010
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The situation has gotten tenser. Sara got a call telling that Cassie is alive, but won't be if the police continue to look for her. The story effectively shows how tense and fearful the characters are. Sara needs to trust Joe.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Begin Again
Barbara,
You're a very strong person and I admire your courage and strength in this difficult time. Please know that I think of you often and pray it will all go well.
Your story is a difficult one but you are right ..a black cloud is over Sara but she has many friends by her side to help her through it. Just like you!
Smiles to you...Carol
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2010
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Barbara,
You're a very strong person and I admire your courage and strength in this difficult time. Please know that I think of you often and pray it will all go well.
Your story is a difficult one but you are right ..a black cloud is over Sara but she has many friends by her side to help her through it. Just like you!
Smiles to you...Carol
Comment Written 31-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Zebeljan
nice story. so far it seems good. on a side note, i hope you feel better, as chemo can be really rough. anywyays, good luck with the writing :)
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2010
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nice story. so far it seems good. on a side note, i hope you feel better, as chemo can be really rough. anywyays, good luck with the writing :)
Comment Written 31-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Missey
Interesting story. Some grammatical issues... shouldn't there be another question mark after the word "slim" instead of a period?
Is it true? If missing children aren't found within the first twenty-four hours the chances of finding them alive are slim. Cassie's been missing for forty-eight hours."
Start a new paragraph after your first quotation marks, and another one before your second.
"Matt made sure you're off limits to the press." He sighed as he watched Sara answer the telephone. When her face went pale, he stepped closer. After she slammed the receiver down, he asked, "Who was it and what did he say?" He removed the tape from the recorder Joe had placed on it Saturday evening.
Start a new paragraph after the word "hands." Also before the word "She".
Sara wrung her hands. "He said if the police don't leave, they'd kill Cassie. She's alive. She called for me!" She ran to the door and opened it. "Get out of my house, now!" When George didn't move, she screamed, "Get out!"
That will make these paragraphs easier to read.
Keep up the good work!
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2010
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Interesting story. Some grammatical issues... shouldn't there be another question mark after the word "slim" instead of a period?
Is it true? If missing children aren't found within the first twenty-four hours the chances of finding them alive are slim. Cassie's been missing for forty-eight hours."
Start a new paragraph after your first quotation marks, and another one before your second.
"Matt made sure you're off limits to the press." He sighed as he watched Sara answer the telephone. When her face went pale, he stepped closer. After she slammed the receiver down, he asked, "Who was it and what did he say?" He removed the tape from the recorder Joe had placed on it Saturday evening.
Start a new paragraph after the word "hands." Also before the word "She".
Sara wrung her hands. "He said if the police don't leave, they'd kill Cassie. She's alive. She called for me!" She ran to the door and opened it. "Get out of my house, now!" When George didn't move, she screamed, "Get out!"
That will make these paragraphs easier to read.
Keep up the good work!
Comment Written 31-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2010
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I do need a question mark after slim. Thank you for catching it, but as for the paragraphs, I am correct. The same person is speaking so the paragraphs are just fine.
Comment from Sacred Heart
Barbara,
Very much deserving of six but it won't let me.
Guess site figures I've already given you enough.
Having said this, this is another great chapter!
I could really feel for poor Sara's anquish...
You are an inspiration to us all, here you are so sick, and still, you manage to find the will to keep plugging away.
Amazing strength you have my friend. I continue to keep you in my prayers. ((hugs)) Love Patty
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2010
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Barbara,
Very much deserving of six but it won't let me.
Guess site figures I've already given you enough.
Having said this, this is another great chapter!
I could really feel for poor Sara's anquish...
You are an inspiration to us all, here you are so sick, and still, you manage to find the will to keep plugging away.
Amazing strength you have my friend. I continue to keep you in my prayers. ((hugs)) Love Patty
Comment Written 31-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I am not so amazing this novel is complete so I need to do is edit and edit and re edit.
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Good for you!! Congrats on that, quite an accomplishment. Editing, not my strong point, I think with mine I will have to have an editor do that before it's published anyway. I think it's smart though to do as much as you can yourself before it gets to that point makes it easier. Smile, later, Patty
Comment from bookishfabler
When my husband's hair fell out, was exactly when that team in the olympics, I can't remember which team, all shaved their heads. It made Dave so happy to see that. And now it's the in thing for men, but I also think there are a lot of options for women now too. Just think, you can now have any hair you want. Long blonde, sassy red, wavy brown, auburn, an afro. (I know I just made you smile) Okay, back to your book. Honestly, I look forward to each chapter. Not just saying that either. THis was no disappointment.
I have a few suggestions, you don't have to take them, but here thy are.
but exhaustion caused her to fall asleep. Though ther eis nothing wrong with this sentence, I think it could be tighter. Say-
but exhaustion took over, and she fell asleep. (I think the word caused bothered me. Maybe just me)
I do this one a lot.
but exhaustion caused her to fall asleep. I(You have her noticing things and say she noticed.
You can just say, When she walked into the living room, Joe was on the couch,
She knelt on the floor beside him. "Oh my,God." She reached over and touched the deep bloody gash on his forearm.
Please, Don't it's nothing."
but exhaustion caused her to fall asleep. (I've been warned about using as too much also. Simply-
He sat up and cringed in pain from the gash in his arm.
Hope this was helpful. feel better.
lots of hugs nad kisses your way
book
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2010
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When my husband's hair fell out, was exactly when that team in the olympics, I can't remember which team, all shaved their heads. It made Dave so happy to see that. And now it's the in thing for men, but I also think there are a lot of options for women now too. Just think, you can now have any hair you want. Long blonde, sassy red, wavy brown, auburn, an afro. (I know I just made you smile) Okay, back to your book. Honestly, I look forward to each chapter. Not just saying that either. THis was no disappointment.
I have a few suggestions, you don't have to take them, but here thy are.
but exhaustion caused her to fall asleep. Though ther eis nothing wrong with this sentence, I think it could be tighter. Say-
but exhaustion took over, and she fell asleep. (I think the word caused bothered me. Maybe just me)
I do this one a lot.
but exhaustion caused her to fall asleep. I(You have her noticing things and say she noticed.
You can just say, When she walked into the living room, Joe was on the couch,
She knelt on the floor beside him. "Oh my,God." She reached over and touched the deep bloody gash on his forearm.
Please, Don't it's nothing."
but exhaustion caused her to fall asleep. (I've been warned about using as too much also. Simply-
He sat up and cringed in pain from the gash in his arm.
Hope this was helpful. feel better.
lots of hugs nad kisses your way
book
Comment Written 31-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2010
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I have purchased many different scarves and hats. I can't see me in a wig. I HATE being hot and my class room is hot. Anyway, the first grade team ladies have told me they are going to join me with the scarves. These probably will too. I think you have to have some personality quirks to teach first grade year after year. These ladies are wonderful. I am off to make the corrections. Thank you for your eagle eyes.
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Barbara ....
This is a well-written chapter in your book in which you have described so well, the feelings and fears that Sara has been experiencing together with the strength of character of both George and Joe, both of whom in their different ways, are working towards rescueing Cassie.
There is just one small correction needed ...
* You have - but your circumstances are different than most. This should be - different from most. (It is always 'different from' - never 'different to' or
'different than.'
Thank you for sharing this with us and also for your personal Notes at the end. Our prayers are with you.
Love from .... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2010
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Hullo Barbara ....
This is a well-written chapter in your book in which you have described so well, the feelings and fears that Sara has been experiencing together with the strength of character of both George and Joe, both of whom in their different ways, are working towards rescueing Cassie.
There is just one small correction needed ...
* You have - but your circumstances are different than most. This should be - different from most. (It is always 'different from' - never 'different to' or
'different than.'
Thank you for sharing this with us and also for your personal Notes at the end. Our prayers are with you.
Love from .... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your eagle eye and I will make that correction.
