The Rape
Dark Sonnet - after reading William Butler Yeats153 total reviews
Comment from Veekz
This is written really really well for such a dark topic too. Your last lines:
"In shame, this virgin now in silence cries,
her innocence upon a dark street lies."
are just simply brilliant. The image it brings to the minds eye is very powerful very hopeless and very sad all at the same time.
Excellent piece :)
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2010
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This is written really really well for such a dark topic too. Your last lines:
"In shame, this virgin now in silence cries,
her innocence upon a dark street lies."
are just simply brilliant. The image it brings to the minds eye is very powerful very hopeless and very sad all at the same time.
Excellent piece :)
Comment Written 20-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2010
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Thanks you so very much. It's up for the poem of the month contest!!!
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Is it? Well done!! How is that decided... is it selected or do people vote?
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People vote under Contests up at the top of the page!!
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Thanks for letting me know - I'm heading there now!
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Have fun!!!!
Comment from sizemore0409
The shock and horror steals unexpectedly and without warning from out of the shadows, and suddenly pounces and is upon her! The entirety of her former life of innocence ends in a flash, as the brutality commences and goes on and on. Seconds seem like hours; and the few minutes duration of the entire horrific episode seems to stretch on for an eternity. And when it is over, she finds herself in an entirely different unknown world governed by pain, fear and mistrust; a world in which there is no place for hop-scotch and jump-rope and skipping and giggling and prancing like a young fawn through fields of flowers and dandelions.
And we, your readers, are right there with her.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2010
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The shock and horror steals unexpectedly and without warning from out of the shadows, and suddenly pounces and is upon her! The entirety of her former life of innocence ends in a flash, as the brutality commences and goes on and on. Seconds seem like hours; and the few minutes duration of the entire horrific episode seems to stretch on for an eternity. And when it is over, she finds herself in an entirely different unknown world governed by pain, fear and mistrust; a world in which there is no place for hop-scotch and jump-rope and skipping and giggling and prancing like a young fawn through fields of flowers and dandelions.
And we, your readers, are right there with her.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2010
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Thanks so very much for your poetic review. You have said it well and there is even so much more to tell.
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It brings to mind a poem I wrote, within a novel (as yet unpublished) called THE DRAGON & THE LAMB. I don't really have any intention of posting it on the FanStory website; but you might like it --- so here it is, just for YOU:
HOP-SCOTCH, POM-POMS, & PONY-TAILS
Here comes sunshine skipping down the street ---
Daddy's little girl --- she laughs so sweet!
Hop-scotch, pom-poms, and pony-tails,
Greets you with a smile that never fails!
She cartwheels once and curtsies twice;
She's sugar and spice and everything nice!
Here comes joy with sparkles in her eyes,
As innocent and beautiful as butterflies;
As happy and pure as she could be,
What a sight!.... What delight!.... What a joy to see!
When someone or something tries to ruin her day,
She laughs, wags her finger, and skips away!
Here comes a servant of the Dragon most foul,
The sight of such purity makes him growl;
His mind starts dwelling on thoughts so cruel,
As he makes his plans he begins to drool.
He'll choke that laughter and kill that smile,
Her purity and joy he'll spoil and defile!
Here comes the tempter as an angel of light,
Offers her attractive fruit: "Just take a little bite!"
She slowly and warily approaches near,
He says "This will improve your life; no need to fear."
She takes a little taste and it seems okay;
And the tempter knows he's trapped another soul today.
Here comes the girl with the brand new life,
Innocence and joy are replaced by strife;
Laughter and smiles are pure no more,
No longer does she care for what she loved before;
The tempter says "Follow me far away,
I'll show you what will satisfy your soul today."
Here comes the girl running 'round at night,
Seeking love and happiness, but nothing works out right;
Her life is full of bad decisions and mistakes;
She longs for a past forever gone, her little heart breaks;
The tempter got her started on her down-hill slide;
"Too late for me!" she now believes, sick inside.
Here comes the girl whose life's been tossed,
She can't return to purity --- she's hopelessly lost;
Bruises on her face and bruises in her soul,
Filth and darkness fill a life she can't control;
She sobs and sighs until she is too empty to cry,
The tempter tosses her aside to rot and die.
Here comes another little girl so sweet,
With bouncing curls and giggles and dancing feet;
The Dragon's servant sees her so tender and young,
"Ahhh..... yes!... Another little life I can turn to dung!"
He sees her beaming smile, it's shining like the sun,
He makes his plans --- "The Dragon's work is never done!"
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What a wonderful write that is you!!! I love the Dragon for that is an apt pictorial of this guy. Thanks for sending it to me to read!!!
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Thanks! Glad you enjoyed! By the way, I don't know if you remember my poem you reviewed (first ever submitted by this brand new FanStory member, about a week ago) an acrostic poem called NONEXISTENCE, which I submitted for the NEW ARRIVAL contest. Anyway, the deadline for that contest is TODAY. When should I expect to be informed of the results of the judging?
Also, I wrote a short story for entry into the contest THIS SENTENCE STARTS THE STORY: "The bed was empty." However, my finished product surpassed the 7000-word maximum which was specified in the contest rules, so I couldn't enter it into the contest. Instead, I broke it into two chapters, the first of which can currently be found on page 4 of the STORIES UP FOR REVIEW. I have no idea whether you like prose but, as my favorite FanStory poet, I would be thrilled to receive your critique, if you should happen to find both the time and inclination to read it.
If not, I still love you, anyway!
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Not sure about how the announce it other than they run the winner on page one of here. This one of mine is in a contest too for poem of the month and I had no idea it was even nominated. LO>.
Comment from Carolyn Hilliard
A very encompassing description of rape. You've done the job well. Ashame it's a subject that has to even be addressed, Maybe one day that will change.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2010
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A very encompassing description of rape. You've done the job well. Ashame it's a subject that has to even be addressed, Maybe one day that will change.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2010
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Thanks you. Wouldn't that be wonderful?
Comment from chita
This poem is different from your love and passion but I feel that you have given a voice to rape victims and you are very descriptive about the incident--great job and Best Wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2010
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This poem is different from your love and passion but I feel that you have given a voice to rape victims and you are very descriptive about the incident--great job and Best Wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2010
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Thank you Chita for a wonderful review.
Comment from sugardog
Now this was chilling...a nightmare. You wrote this with such a clear and concise voice that made it all the more terrorizing. Just a horrifying act and so powerless and helpless the victim feels, which is what the perpetrator wants them to feel. Your account of this act is so real and makes the reader cringe-very powerful write!!!! You are one talented girl. Dana
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2010
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Now this was chilling...a nightmare. You wrote this with such a clear and concise voice that made it all the more terrorizing. Just a horrifying act and so powerless and helpless the victim feels, which is what the perpetrator wants them to feel. Your account of this act is so real and makes the reader cringe-very powerful write!!!! You are one talented girl. Dana
Comment Written 20-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2010
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Thanks you. I've no idea how it ended up nominated for poem of the month though. Surprised me. Your review is awesome and I appreciate it very much!!!
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I can definitely see why it is nominated. Is that for this month? I will check that out!! You're welcome!
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Yes it is. It really did surprise me.
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Well, very deserved and I am gonna vote!
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Thanks girl for this was one that I just felt I had to do. For all those out there who need people to know but can't or won't say.
Comment from Trybuck
Unfortunately you're right about it taking place every day. Too many times it's a child too young to even be thinking about such things never mind having to experience it.
Well done, Buck
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2010
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Unfortunately you're right about it taking place every day. Too many times it's a child too young to even be thinking about such things never mind having to experience it.
Well done, Buck
Comment Written 19-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2010
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Thanks Buck. You are so right. Unfortunate for sure and hopefully some how, some way there is an end to all such!!!!
Comment from Keronica
VERY intense. Some may find it even to be offensive. For me, this poem brings up horrible memories. This poem is shocking and all too real for many women. A study was done a few years back, it says that one in three women will be sexually assaulted or abused in their life time. Think about that. I certainly am thinking about your poem...
~Keronica
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2010
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VERY intense. Some may find it even to be offensive. For me, this poem brings up horrible memories. This poem is shocking and all too real for many women. A study was done a few years back, it says that one in three women will be sexually assaulted or abused in their life time. Think about that. I certainly am thinking about your poem...
~Keronica
Comment Written 19-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2010
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Thank you for reading. Predators are everywhere and we need to be prepared as much as possible against them.
Comment from missy98writer
G,
your poem is extremely well written despite the darkness and subject matter. Your art work is awesome. You sonnet is in excellent form with great rhymes and very good descriptive writing that paints a vivid imagery. Effective use of alliteration. The last two lines are the most powerful: "In shame, this virgin now in silence cries, her innocence upon a dark street lies." I wish you good luck in the poem of the month. There are some excellent poems. I'm in a conundrum who to vote for. Your is amongst my top three. Good luck in the contest.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2010
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G,
your poem is extremely well written despite the darkness and subject matter. Your art work is awesome. You sonnet is in excellent form with great rhymes and very good descriptive writing that paints a vivid imagery. Effective use of alliteration. The last two lines are the most powerful: "In shame, this virgin now in silence cries, her innocence upon a dark street lies." I wish you good luck in the poem of the month. There are some excellent poems. I'm in a conundrum who to vote for. Your is amongst my top three. Good luck in the contest.
Melissa.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2010
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Thanks Melissa for a great review. Your words mean a lot to me.
Comment from Jean Lutz
Normally, I would have trouble reading a poem such as this. Yet with this I was able to hurt for the victim, and finish the poem. I have never had to serve on jury duty, but if I ever do I hope the prosecutor will present the facts as starkly as this writing does. I wish you well in the contest and can see why it was selected.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2010
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Normally, I would have trouble reading a poem such as this. Yet with this I was able to hurt for the victim, and finish the poem. I have never had to serve on jury duty, but if I ever do I hope the prosecutor will present the facts as starkly as this writing does. I wish you well in the contest and can see why it was selected.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2010
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Thank you very much for this wonderful review!!!
Comment from Lastamen
A tragedy of such proportions, it defies adequate words to expound upon it. Even yours, which so often capture the essence of the subject matter undertaken fall short, in regard to this horrific episode that happens all to often.
Till the last amen
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2010
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A tragedy of such proportions, it defies adequate words to expound upon it. Even yours, which so often capture the essence of the subject matter undertaken fall short, in regard to this horrific episode that happens all to often.
Till the last amen
Comment Written 18-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2010
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Thank you for a review comment that really cares.
