Steve's Poems for Kids
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "Around My Place"A collection of my children's poems
23 total reviews
Comment from RuralFrights
I am in absolute love with the rthythm of your poem. Would make a superb piece for children. One suggestion (and its small): When dad starts to mow the lawn. Hmmm. Needs a little something. How about, "When dad, he mows the lawn"...or something similar. Keeps the superb rythym flowing.
The subject, coupled with pictures of animals, would be a child's dreams. Best to you!
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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I am in absolute love with the rthythm of your poem. Would make a superb piece for children. One suggestion (and its small): When dad starts to mow the lawn. Hmmm. Needs a little something. How about, "When dad, he mows the lawn"...or something similar. Keeps the superb rythym flowing.
The subject, coupled with pictures of animals, would be a child's dreams. Best to you!
Comment Written 17-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Thanks for your generous comments - actually, rhythm is not something I actively think about when writing, I just go with what feels natural. However, I do notice faulty rhythm in the work of others! I will take another look (and listen) Thanks again
Comment from miss joyce
I like the animals you've used here and the adjectives to point out some noticeable traits. The quatrain had good rhythm and rhyme. The imagery was witty and entertaining. Much luck in contest!
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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I like the animals you've used here and the adjectives to point out some noticeable traits. The quatrain had good rhythm and rhyme. The imagery was witty and entertaining. Much luck in contest!
Comment Written 17-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Thanks. Happy to entertain you.
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Happy for the pleasure to share it with you.
miss joyce
Comment from jinxiegal
Adorable poem! Your imagery is clear and creative, and it all comes together to create an enjoyable and pleasant piece of writing! You might want to fix your description, however...it reads, "Children's poem about local wildkife". lol Great poem, thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Adorable poem! Your imagery is clear and creative, and it all comes together to create an enjoyable and pleasant piece of writing! You might want to fix your description, however...it reads, "Children's poem about local wildkife". lol Great poem, thanks for sharing
Comment Written 17-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your kind comments. Will try to work out how to fix the typo in the description.
Comment from juliaSjames
This is a delightful poem, with the bonus of introducing the reader to many exotic birds and animals. Your writing is lively and vivid, using a wide variety of action verbs. I think it will lend itself well to illustration. Best of luck with finding a publisher.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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This is a delightful poem, with the bonus of introducing the reader to many exotic birds and animals. Your writing is lively and vivid, using a wide variety of action verbs. I think it will lend itself well to illustration. Best of luck with finding a publisher.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Thank you - the kind of book I have in mind would require a brilliant and dedicated illustrator, which is why this has sat in my bottom drawer for a while now!
Comment from Nic42
This is so much fun! I was laughing as i read it from start to finish. would make for a great children's book of poetry piece. good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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This is so much fun! I was laughing as i read it from start to finish. would make for a great children's book of poetry piece. good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 17-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Thank you - the kind of book I have in mind would require a brilliant and dedicated illustrator, which is why this has sat in my bottom drawer for a while now!
Comment from Carolyn Hilliard
What a charming wildlife poem. it's clever, fun to read and funny at the end. Very well done. You have one little oops
Children's poem about local wildkife
wildlife
I do hope the children love it as much as I do.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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What a charming wildlife poem. it's clever, fun to read and funny at the end. Very well done. You have one little oops
Children's poem about local wildkife
wildlife
I do hope the children love it as much as I do.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your kind comments. Will try to work out how to fix the typo in the description.
Comment from Mari_
Oh I think this would make a wonderful book kiwisteveh!
Only one small thing: You broke the rhythm in the 3rd stanza - There are peewees... If u change it back to singular like the other stanzas, you'll be golden (There's a peewee). Also in the second line, you might remove the 'starts to'. I don't think it's needed if you change it to mows. Those changes will get your rhythm back for sure in this poem.
I love the last stanza! That dang python!
Mari
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reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Oh I think this would make a wonderful book kiwisteveh!
Only one small thing: You broke the rhythm in the 3rd stanza - There are peewees... If u change it back to singular like the other stanzas, you'll be golden (There's a peewee). Also in the second line, you might remove the 'starts to'. I don't think it's needed if you change it to mows. Those changes will get your rhythm back for sure in this poem.
I love the last stanza! That dang python!
Mari
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Thanks for your comments - the last stanza was a last minute inspiration - gives it a nice flourish to finish I think.
Comment from Gungalo
LOL I do love this one, poet. Your rhyming is superb and your verses kept me reading. I too live in a place like that in the Virgin Islands. Only difference is the creatures are always about as there is very little grass to mow. Mostly it's mountainous and a machete is the tool.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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LOL I do love this one, poet. Your rhyming is superb and your verses kept me reading. I too live in a place like that in the Virgin Islands. Only difference is the creatures are always about as there is very little grass to mow. Mostly it's mountainous and a machete is the tool.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Thank you. Virgin Islands sounds nice - when I am a famous writer (and rich) I will come visit!
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LOL you don't have to be rich to live or visit here, sweet poet.
Comment from Matoshka
This was so delightful. Your words flowed so smoothly and created the picture of where you live. I could see and hear the birds in the trees and the animals around. I liked the one about the frog in the loo. So funny. Thank you for writing and sharing this, it was a delightful read.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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This was so delightful. Your words flowed so smoothly and created the picture of where you live. I could see and hear the birds in the trees and the animals around. I liked the one about the frog in the loo. So funny. Thank you for writing and sharing this, it was a delightful read.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Frogs in the loo are a frequent danger here - they return even after being flushed away! Haven't had the python in the bed (YET!)
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I never knew that about frogs or the pythons. kinda scary.
Comment from l.raven
This is truly cute.Has a wonderful flow to it.And I love the wording.How sweet this is.I don't has a many creators as you have,but my father lives where you take the dirt road, to the dirt road ,to the dirt road.Has gators,possums,snakes,turkey, deer and God knows what else.And at my house I have a cement patio.LOL
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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This is truly cute.Has a wonderful flow to it.And I love the wording.How sweet this is.I don't has a many creators as you have,but my father lives where you take the dirt road, to the dirt road ,to the dirt road.Has gators,possums,snakes,turkey, deer and God knows what else.And at my house I have a cement patio.LOL
Comment Written 17-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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I still have a few more creatures I could fit in - like cane toads for example - venomous and spectacularly ugly!
Thanks for your comments
