Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "Chapter 8; part two"Can love survive small town gossip?
78 total reviews
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Barbara, had I not known what you've been through, I would not have suspected anything from the way this chapter is presented. Perfect as usual, and interesting in the way Sara changes the colors of her walls ...
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Hi, Barbara, had I not known what you've been through, I would not have suspected anything from the way this chapter is presented. Perfect as usual, and interesting in the way Sara changes the colors of her walls ...
Comment Written 17-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate the support.
Comment from quashdog
Good story. I saw many errors with punctuation. Simple stuff like putting commas and quotation marks in the right place. An example:
"I wanted to paint the room orange, but..."
The comma was not needed there. If she was pausing before continuing in her conversation then a period was more appropriate. "But" would then be the start of a new sentence to continue on her thought before being interrupted. I'm guessing that is why she stops mid sentence. It is hard to tell because the next thing you write is that George set down his brush. I don't understand how somebody putting a brush down stops another person's thought process.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Good story. I saw many errors with punctuation. Simple stuff like putting commas and quotation marks in the right place. An example:
"I wanted to paint the room orange, but..."
The comma was not needed there. If she was pausing before continuing in her conversation then a period was more appropriate. "But" would then be the start of a new sentence to continue on her thought before being interrupted. I'm guessing that is why she stops mid sentence. It is hard to tell because the next thing you write is that George set down his brush. I don't understand how somebody putting a brush down stops another person's thought process.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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I think you need to review your notes on writing dialogue. She paused because she wasn't sure how to continue the sentence and it's correct the way it is written. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Lois Delaney
I really don't know how you do it, Barbara. Stick with writing to get your mind off things. I know it's easier said than done.
Cassie sounds like she is about to be found. I can't imagine painting my living room while my daughter has been abducted. It shows strength in the character.
I haven't all the chapters, but it sounds like the main character was married before. Now someone else is trying to get close to her.
Now your computer. At least, you can afford paper and pen. It may bring something good out of it all. Who knows? Thanks for sharing, and please take care. Hugs, Lois
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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I really don't know how you do it, Barbara. Stick with writing to get your mind off things. I know it's easier said than done.
Cassie sounds like she is about to be found. I can't imagine painting my living room while my daughter has been abducted. It shows strength in the character.
I haven't all the chapters, but it sounds like the main character was married before. Now someone else is trying to get close to her.
Now your computer. At least, you can afford paper and pen. It may bring something good out of it all. Who knows? Thanks for sharing, and please take care. Hugs, Lois
Comment Written 17-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. Cassie is a product of date rape.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Barbara,
More intrigue to make me lose sleep over! I feel so sorry for Sara, I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a child to kidnappers or whoever they are. As usual you have written a chapter that comes alive, both in descriptions and conversations. How you are feeling? Blessings, chey
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Hi Barbara,
More intrigue to make me lose sleep over! I feel so sorry for Sara, I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a child to kidnappers or whoever they are. As usual you have written a chapter that comes alive, both in descriptions and conversations. How you are feeling? Blessings, chey
Comment Written 17-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I start chemo on the 28th. I am trying to figure out a way to ignore it and maybe it will go away, but my husband reminds me I have no choice.
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You'll do fine...chemo is so much easier to take than it ever was before...hugs
Comment from Begin Again
Barbara,
WEll done..Really enjoy the connections between the characters and how they are interacting with the difficult times while Cassie is missing. Very well written and thoroughly enjoyed.
Carol
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Barbara,
WEll done..Really enjoy the connections between the characters and how they are interacting with the difficult times while Cassie is missing. Very well written and thoroughly enjoyed.
Carol
Comment Written 17-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from bowls
Such a wonderful lady you are - turning adversity into a short story! Most people would be ranting and raving. Anyway, I love this newest post. The whole painting thing is great. It provides a way for you to give the impression of time passing slowly without actually saying it, and it also shows how distraught Sara is. You end on a really exciting note. Have they found her or not? I guess the reader just has to wait and see. Great picture, too, to display the colour central to your story this time.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Such a wonderful lady you are - turning adversity into a short story! Most people would be ranting and raving. Anyway, I love this newest post. The whole painting thing is great. It provides a way for you to give the impression of time passing slowly without actually saying it, and it also shows how distraught Sara is. You end on a really exciting note. Have they found her or not? I guess the reader just has to wait and see. Great picture, too, to display the colour central to your story this time.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate your support.
Comment from Gungalo
Oh such drama and intrigue. I love it!!! You have written this well and I think that my interest is gonna stay with this story. Awesome done poet.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Oh such drama and intrigue. I love it!!! You have written this well and I think that my interest is gonna stay with this story. Awesome done poet.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I am glad you liked it.
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My pleasure!!!
Comment from adewpearl
It's information that might help us find her - add the apostrophe
Barbara, I like the gentle humor in the painting scenes as they help relieve the immense tension of the situation and show the softer side of Joe's men - and that is clever of you as you are discussing how Joe hopes Cassie can realize that just because he shoots people for a living does not mean he would bring home those violent tendencies. Excellent dialogue throughout and good build up of suspense. Brooke
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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It's information that might help us find her - add the apostrophe
Barbara, I like the gentle humor in the painting scenes as they help relieve the immense tension of the situation and show the softer side of Joe's men - and that is clever of you as you are discussing how Joe hopes Cassie can realize that just because he shoots people for a living does not mean he would bring home those violent tendencies. Excellent dialogue throughout and good build up of suspense. Brooke
Comment Written 17-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Thank you and I will add that apsotrophe.
Comment from lola29
I think Joe is a man of high integrity, and I'm glad he's at Sara's side in this time of great dispair. I have no doubt that he and his crew will find Cassie.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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I think Joe is a man of high integrity, and I'm glad he's at Sara's side in this time of great dispair. I have no doubt that he and his crew will find Cassie.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Carolyn Hilliard
You're doing a good job. I remembered the missing girl before she was mentioned. That may be remarkable since I read about 20 a day. I plain enjoy your story. Below is one typo, a missing word, and a suggestion. Again good job.
"How much sleep have you had the past two night?"
nights
Will be able to get that back?
^we
This may be me but I feel When his cell phone rang, he just had closed his eyes. reads better When his cell phone rang, he had just closed his eyes.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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You're doing a good job. I remembered the missing girl before she was mentioned. That may be remarkable since I read about 20 a day. I plain enjoy your story. Below is one typo, a missing word, and a suggestion. Again good job.
"How much sleep have you had the past two night?"
nights
Will be able to get that back?
^we
This may be me but I feel When his cell phone rang, he just had closed his eyes. reads better When his cell phone rang, he had just closed his eyes.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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I have fixed the first sentence already, from another reviewer and the second sentence that's the way I orginally had it and someone suggested I change it. I will go back to my orginal sentence.
