Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "Chapter 8; part two"Can love survive small town gossip?
78 total reviews
Comment from animatqua
The post is good. One has to be familiar with the characters to receive the full benefit of this section, but by this time those should be well established in any book.
I also like the action that continues to be tense, and the hook at the end of the chapter.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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The post is good. One has to be familiar with the characters to receive the full benefit of this section, but by this time those should be well established in any book.
I also like the action that continues to be tense, and the hook at the end of the chapter.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Realist101
Hi Barbara! I think this is really good. I find the stress you have shown here to be vivid and well done. I can't function at all under stress, but everyone is different. All I can do is clean, sort of like a robot.? I have had a couple of instances where I really worried about my son, but so far, he comes home. Oh, one tiny thing, in your fourth paragraph up, maybe not use "touched his cheek" twice so closely together...try for the second time, "brushed his face"? Just an idea? I hope you are feeling good, sweet Barbara...LOVE, susan
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Hi Barbara! I think this is really good. I find the stress you have shown here to be vivid and well done. I can't function at all under stress, but everyone is different. All I can do is clean, sort of like a robot.? I have had a couple of instances where I really worried about my son, but so far, he comes home. Oh, one tiny thing, in your fourth paragraph up, maybe not use "touched his cheek" twice so closely together...try for the second time, "brushed his face"? Just an idea? I hope you are feeling good, sweet Barbara...LOVE, susan
Comment Written 20-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate the continued support and I will correct that.
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
I can't wait to see what happens next.
Joe filled his thermos with coffee[] before glancing at Sara.
It was after midnight[] when Joe returned.
I wonder[ed] if Sara will ever believe I could never harm her or Cassie.
Roberta
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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I can't wait to see what happens next.
Joe filled his thermos with coffee[] before glancing at Sara.
It was after midnight[] when Joe returned.
I wonder[ed] if Sara will ever believe I could never harm her or Cassie.
Roberta
Comment Written 19-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Thank you for catching those errors. I appreciate your review and your support.
Comment from RazberryBullet
Got a chuckle here: Joe lay on his back and stared at the 'So Soft Lilac' walls. I wonder what color they'll be tomorrow night. LOL!!!
suggestions: She squeezed the excess paint from her roller and tried to press them out. (")I'll paint, but I'm not very good at it either."...She removed her baseball cap and studied the drops of paint. (")Do you think this color's right for the living room?
Great hook at the end with the possible lead!
Well done!
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Got a chuckle here: Joe lay on his back and stared at the 'So Soft Lilac' walls. I wonder what color they'll be tomorrow night. LOL!!!
suggestions: She squeezed the excess paint from her roller and tried to press them out. (")I'll paint, but I'm not very good at it either."...She removed her baseball cap and studied the drops of paint. (")Do you think this color's right for the living room?
Great hook at the end with the possible lead!
Well done!
Comment Written 19-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I have taken care of those errors.
Comment from patmedium
Reads smoothly to me, dear! I love the way you paint the characters in my mind. I have read the section through twice and I can't see anytrhing wrong with it. xxxxxx
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Reads smoothly to me, dear! I love the way you paint the characters in my mind. I have read the section through twice and I can't see anytrhing wrong with it. xxxxxx
Comment Written 19-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and continued support.
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
barbara:
this is another excellent chapter in
Another Pretty Face -- putting nervous
energy to good use in a crisis situation
not only makes the time go by faster but
also provides distractions while waiting
for news
thanks for sharing
love,
jan
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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barbara:
this is another excellent chapter in
Another Pretty Face -- putting nervous
energy to good use in a crisis situation
not only makes the time go by faster but
also provides distractions while waiting
for news
thanks for sharing
love,
jan
Comment Written 19-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Writeaway...
An excelent add barbara, bravo. I found nothing that I could suggest for improvement and was kept interested from the beginning, you are truly one of the sites most talented writers, excellent job, keep writing!! :)
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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An excelent add barbara, bravo. I found nothing that I could suggest for improvement and was kept interested from the beginning, you are truly one of the sites most talented writers, excellent job, keep writing!! :)
Comment Written 19-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and continued support.
Comment from Jonez08
Hi Barbara nice cliff hanger and great introspection of Joe's feelings near the end.The chapter flowed well enough, however something is off and I think it's Sarah and the painting. I did consider the fact that people handle grief and fear differently, but it seems this would be moreappropriate if Cassie had been missing many months. If someone's child goes missing, I doubt they could muster up the energy to paint, a mother would desperately be trying to find her. If you wanted to work this in as something to distract her from the situation, I suggest showing how emotional stressful this is for her,even while painting, not worrying about whether the paint works in her bedroom. I imagine her dazed out while painting. Just a suggestion.
Joe's call at the end is perfect for leading into the next chapter.
She caressed his cheek and felt the rough stubbles.
--consider: She caressed the rough stubbles on his cheek.
Cassandra
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Hi Barbara nice cliff hanger and great introspection of Joe's feelings near the end.The chapter flowed well enough, however something is off and I think it's Sarah and the painting. I did consider the fact that people handle grief and fear differently, but it seems this would be moreappropriate if Cassie had been missing many months. If someone's child goes missing, I doubt they could muster up the energy to paint, a mother would desperately be trying to find her. If you wanted to work this in as something to distract her from the situation, I suggest showing how emotional stressful this is for her,even while painting, not worrying about whether the paint works in her bedroom. I imagine her dazed out while painting. Just a suggestion.
Joe's call at the end is perfect for leading into the next chapter.
She caressed his cheek and felt the rough stubbles.
--consider: She caressed the rough stubbles on his cheek.
Cassandra
Comment Written 19-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I will have to take a count and see how many of my reviewers, like the paint and how many did not.
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You're welcome. I think if you feel good about the scene that's what counts the most!
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I had 60 liked it and 5 didn't and 5 were indifferent to it.
Comment from lee347
For me this was a dull read, but that doesn't mean you can't write, or write well. your detail is very good, and i am sure there are many readers who will find this chapter interesting, but i thought it read at a very slow pace. Painting walls didn't get my attention.....
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2010
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For me this was a dull read, but that doesn't mean you can't write, or write well. your detail is very good, and i am sure there are many readers who will find this chapter interesting, but i thought it read at a very slow pace. Painting walls didn't get my attention.....
Comment Written 19-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
Not sure this post is ready - for me it is one of your best, Barbara.
Everything seems so immediate which makes it also very real. I could visualise the living room, the trio coloured walls, and the determination to keep going even though her heart must be in agony.
Good hook at the end too with Joe rushing out the door, and the faint allusion that they may be on the track of the kidnappers.
Juliette
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Not sure this post is ready - for me it is one of your best, Barbara.
Everything seems so immediate which makes it also very real. I could visualise the living room, the trio coloured walls, and the determination to keep going even though her heart must be in agony.
Good hook at the end too with Joe rushing out the door, and the faint allusion that they may be on the track of the kidnappers.
Juliette
Comment Written 19-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate your insight. I am getting some flack over the painting.
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We can't always show the pain so we hide it behind some sort of activity or even a smile.
Anything to cope with the agony!
Love,
Juliette
