Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "Chapter 8; part 1"Can love survive small town gossip?
65 total reviews
Comment from zoocq
I cannotg wait for more...you keep me on the edge of my seat, as always. I continue to love these characters more and more!
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
  |
I cannotg wait for more...you keep me on the edge of my seat, as always. I continue to love these characters more and more!
Comment Written 14-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from marcii
Another great chapter and one can imagine the tension and worry in the situation of not knowing were your child is and who has her and why they have her and if she will be found a live...anyone would feel extremely stressed. You have described things marvelously.
One miner thing and I don't know if im right but were you have, 'setting on the dresser', perhaps sitting on the dress would sound better.
Marcii
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
|
Another great chapter and one can imagine the tension and worry in the situation of not knowing were your child is and who has her and why they have her and if she will be found a live...anyone would feel extremely stressed. You have described things marvelously.
One miner thing and I don't know if im right but were you have, 'setting on the dresser', perhaps sitting on the dress would sound better.
Marcii
Comment Written 13-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review. I will take another look at that.
Comment from Torrence Winter
Very good piece with soulful. They breath a life of their very own. There was no spag that I could find. I hope to read more of your work.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2010
|
Very good piece with soulful. They breath a life of their very own. There was no spag that I could find. I hope to read more of your work.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Thesis
Hi, Barbara. This is a chapter filed with a lot of tension, but it looks like Joe and the team should be able to get some answers about Cassie. I pity the fool who took her.
Re: your author notes, I like the sunglass story. Look at i this way, it makes you mysterious, lol. - John
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2010
|
Hi, Barbara. This is a chapter filed with a lot of tension, but it looks like Joe and the team should be able to get some answers about Cassie. I pity the fool who took her.
Re: your author notes, I like the sunglass story. Look at i this way, it makes you mysterious, lol. - John
Comment Written 13-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2010
-
Hey, the story gets better. I may write a short story about it. It's funny. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from nora arjuna
Hi bab, nice chapter, despite everyone's still worried. No obvious spag, just a couple of suggestions if you like them:
Standing in the center of the bedroom, Joe scanned [ ] from top to bottom. As he fixed [ ] on a photograph of Sara and Cassie setting on the dresser, he was drawn toward it and held it.
Standing in its center, Joe scanned the bedroom from top to bottom. A photograph of Sara and Cassie on the dresser drew his attention. He stepped toward it and held it.
When she glanced in his direction, he asked, "Want to try?" He [stood].
As she [stood], he held her hand and led her into the hallway.
Same word too close, try to vary the description.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2010
|
Hi bab, nice chapter, despite everyone's still worried. No obvious spag, just a couple of suggestions if you like them:
Standing in the center of the bedroom, Joe scanned [ ] from top to bottom. As he fixed [ ] on a photograph of Sara and Cassie setting on the dresser, he was drawn toward it and held it.
Standing in its center, Joe scanned the bedroom from top to bottom. A photograph of Sara and Cassie on the dresser drew his attention. He stepped toward it and held it.
When she glanced in his direction, he asked, "Want to try?" He [stood].
As she [stood], he held her hand and led her into the hallway.
Same word too close, try to vary the description.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2010
-
I appreciate your review.I am sorry I am so tardy at answering it. I had to wait until my computer was fixed so I could print your suggestions. I didn't want to forget any mistakes I made.
Comment from Tellis
Ha ha, I'm glad she a rational person to pick out the paint. I enjoyed this chapter and I hope they find her unharmed.
Tellis
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2010
|
Ha ha, I'm glad she a rational person to pick out the paint. I enjoyed this chapter and I hope they find her unharmed.
Tellis
Comment Written 12-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review
Comment from LDMedina
I'm just reading this for the first time without having read the other chapters, but I can tell that your characters are fully developed and that there is a strong plot at play with multiple trajectories developing. Good work. Good luck with it!
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2010
|
I'm just reading this for the first time without having read the other chapters, but I can tell that your characters are fully developed and that there is a strong plot at play with multiple trajectories developing. Good work. Good luck with it!
Comment Written 12-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review,
Comment from Nicnac
Hi, Barbara!
I'm back from the cabin and my lil' sis left yesterday - so I'm catching up on FS.
Nice visuals in this chapter. I could picture this easily.
Poor Sara. I feel for her. How awful to not know where your child is or if she has been harmed.
I look forward to finding out who lives at the address they are going to!
One suggestion:
"Joe." When he turned toward Sara, she had her robe ...
("Joe." should be in its own paragraph.)
I hope you have your glasses now! ;)
Love,
Nic
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2010
|
Hi, Barbara!
I'm back from the cabin and my lil' sis left yesterday - so I'm catching up on FS.
Nice visuals in this chapter. I could picture this easily.
Poor Sara. I feel for her. How awful to not know where your child is or if she has been harmed.
I look forward to finding out who lives at the address they are going to!
One suggestion:
"Joe." When he turned toward Sara, she had her robe ...
("Joe." should be in its own paragraph.)
I hope you have your glasses now! ;)
Love,
Nic
Comment Written 12-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2010
-
Nope, I don't. I went to get them today and got another pair of sunglasses. I am about to give up. Thank you for your kind review.
-
Awww... Maybe they'll have them for you tomorrow??
-
Who knows. They put a rush on it and didn't put a rush on the sunglasses. I am amazed at how this worked out. I was on the telephone for over an hour tonight trying to straighten out my health insurance company. They had me in the emergency room after being poisoned. That is why I had an echo cardio gram. I told them no I was not. They didn't believe me. I might have got that straightened out.
Comment from animatqua
The story continues to add tension and suspense. I very much like the `will she, won't she' back and forth on whether or not Sarah will be able to say I love you. This is also part of the team finding Cassie, another tension builder.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2010
|
The story continues to add tension and suspense. I very much like the `will she, won't she' back and forth on whether or not Sarah will be able to say I love you. This is also part of the team finding Cassie, another tension builder.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from jadapenn
A good chapter with nice progress. Hope they find the owner of the vehicle with the numberplate details. What colour are they painting the lounge. Not orange - yuk! Sorry, not my house. lol.
Good job - luv jada
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2010
|
A good chapter with nice progress. Hope they find the owner of the vehicle with the numberplate details. What colour are they painting the lounge. Not orange - yuk! Sorry, not my house. lol.
Good job - luv jada
Comment Written 12-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2010
-
Thank you girlfriend, for the nice review. I won't let Sara paint my house either.
