Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Chapter 7, part three"Can love survive small town gossip?
80 total reviews
Comment from acvguard11
great job....i really enjoyed reading this piece of your story...i see why it is recognized and an all time best...keep up the good writing..great job
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2010
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great job....i really enjoyed reading this piece of your story...i see why it is recognized and an all time best...keep up the good writing..great job
Comment Written 03-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from mshugh
Your dialogue is becoming absolutely superb.
You move the tempo brilliantly when you use the combination of dialogue and scenery - my Lady, your improvement is brilliant - hence the six stars!
Very well done
Michael
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2010
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Your dialogue is becoming absolutely superb.
You move the tempo brilliantly when you use the combination of dialogue and scenery - my Lady, your improvement is brilliant - hence the six stars!
Very well done
Michael
Comment Written 03-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2010
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Thank you very much for your review. I miss you...I know work takes you away, but I still miss your writing and your comments.
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Barbara,
Looks to me like the young lady needs a reality check.Why would someone who loves her, want to harm her when what she witnessed was him defending her...
Well written, good characters, nicely done.
I hope the virus isn't fatal to your computer.
Patrick
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2010
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Hi Barbara,
Looks to me like the young lady needs a reality check.Why would someone who loves her, want to harm her when what she witnessed was him defending her...
Well written, good characters, nicely done.
I hope the virus isn't fatal to your computer.
Patrick
Comment Written 03-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2010
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I think Sara's self-esteem has hit rock bottom. I think we might be able to help her. Thank you for your kind review. I will find out on Thursday, is my computer can be saved or not.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Barb. so sorry I haven't kept up with your story as I should. you are one fine writer and appear to be getting better all the time. I like the way you blend your dialogue and your action together throughout. Just one suggestion...Be careful with "over-use" of pronouns....as in this example where "she" is overused.
When Sara heard this, she ran cold water in her hands and splashed it on her face. With the towel still in her hands, Sara walked back into the room. She swallowed. "Joe, why are these people helping me?"
great job overall...Bravo! Bob
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2010
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Hi, Barb. so sorry I haven't kept up with your story as I should. you are one fine writer and appear to be getting better all the time. I like the way you blend your dialogue and your action together throughout. Just one suggestion...Be careful with "over-use" of pronouns....as in this example where "she" is overused.
When Sara heard this, she ran cold water in her hands and splashed it on her face. With the towel still in her hands, Sara walked back into the room. She swallowed. "Joe, why are these people helping me?"
great job overall...Bravo! Bob
Comment Written 03-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2010
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I will try to avoid using it, but I can't use her name all the time either. I am struggling with that and another reviewer pointed out I'm using too many 'ing' ending too.
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Jiust start your sentences differently...In othe rwords instead of saying (for instance) She went to the store and bought something for supper...Write " Needing meat for supper, she went to the store" The hangup is when you start each sentence with "She" or the proper name...Understand? Hope so...LOL...Good luck, Barb. Bob
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I also got gigged by one reviewer for using too many'ing' endings, that whys there is so many she's.
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Okee doke.
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Okee doke.
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Okee doke.
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Okay, Barb...
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You should decide on your own what to do after you check out the suggestions, barb...I think you will be surprised...and , by the way....it really is important in good writing. Bob
Comment from FredCollingwood
You're ramping up the suspense in this one. I'm glad I read your author notes. From time to time I send it to myself as an attachment to an email. Everything could burn down and and the manuscript is still out there in cyberspace.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2010
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You're ramping up the suspense in this one. I'm glad I read your author notes. From time to time I send it to myself as an attachment to an email. Everything could burn down and and the manuscript is still out there in cyberspace.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2010
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Very true. My next novel is in my computer. I so hope they can fix it. The rest of them, if all else fails is on FS. I will not let this happen again. I will run back-up. I told myself I would, and even bought extra thumb drives, but kept putting it off.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
What an intense chapter, Barbara..
Poor Sara - what fear she must feel
for her daughter and now she's afraid
of Joe - but I'm sure it will all
come right (I hope) - oh, I do like
happy endings.
Good luck in returning to work, my friend.
Take it slowly.
Margaret.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2010
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What an intense chapter, Barbara..
Poor Sara - what fear she must feel
for her daughter and now she's afraid
of Joe - but I'm sure it will all
come right (I hope) - oh, I do like
happy endings.
Good luck in returning to work, my friend.
Take it slowly.
Margaret.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2010
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I like happy endings, myself, but life doesn't always end happy. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from rainbowbrite376
This is a great story; it had my attention from the beginning. I feel like I have a lot of catching up to do. I can't wait to read the rest. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2010
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This is a great story; it had my attention from the beginning. I feel like I have a lot of catching up to do. I can't wait to read the rest. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from anabelle
Lovely chapter to this story, Barbara. I can see Sara is ambiguous about her feelings for Joe. Personally, I don't blame her. Where does the killer instinct take you? But of course, we all know Joe's a sweetheart. :-0
Good read. Thanks.
Regards, anabelle
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2010
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Lovely chapter to this story, Barbara. I can see Sara is ambiguous about her feelings for Joe. Personally, I don't blame her. Where does the killer instinct take you? But of course, we all know Joe's a sweetheart. :-0
Good read. Thanks.
Regards, anabelle
Comment Written 03-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2010
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Thank you for review and insight.
Comment from Connie P
Great chapter Barbara, I hope they find Cassie soon, minutes count in this type of situation. I was good to have a brief update on Steve and Leya, too! Sara needs someone like Joe, hopefully his ability to demonstrate the fruit of his training won't be a stumbling block in their relationship.
Connie
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2010
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Great chapter Barbara, I hope they find Cassie soon, minutes count in this type of situation. I was good to have a brief update on Steve and Leya, too! Sara needs someone like Joe, hopefully his ability to demonstrate the fruit of his training won't be a stumbling block in their relationship.
Connie
Comment Written 03-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2010
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I hope not either, but Sara and Joe are going to have a to work out some issues. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Writeaway...
Excellent as always barbara.wilkey, bravo. I found no errors whatsoever and was kept interested from the beginning, can't wait to read the next chapter, get well soon!! :), keep writing!! :)
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2010
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Excellent as always barbara.wilkey, bravo. I found no errors whatsoever and was kept interested from the beginning, can't wait to read the next chapter, get well soon!! :), keep writing!! :)
Comment Written 03-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate your support
