Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Chapter 7; part two"Can love survive small town gossip?
80 total reviews
Comment from dmjones
Roy's a real jerk. I'm glad Joe slugged him. Hopefully Chip will see things in a better light. This is a really good chapter. It keeps your interest. Well done.
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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Roy's a real jerk. I'm glad Joe slugged him. Hopefully Chip will see things in a better light. This is a really good chapter. It keeps your interest. Well done.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from bookishfabler
another good chapter. I look forward to seeing your name in my message box.
Matt walked over to Sara. "Hi, I'm Matt Patterson.
When Joe walked up to Matt, they shook hands and put one arm around each other's back. Joe released a deep breath. "Thank you. As usual, you show up at exactly the right moment. I hope you had a good flight." He walked over to Sara and took her hands in his. "I'm sorry."
(There seems to be a lot of walking over in these sentences. Try he shook Sara's hand, or he walzed or sauntered, or just leave out the walk with another action. IN this area of the chapter read it out loud. There even more walks)
"What's bothering you, besides you don't know where your daughter is?"
sentence structure. How about, "What's bothering you, besides not knowing where your daughter is?"
hugs book
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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another good chapter. I look forward to seeing your name in my message box.
Matt walked over to Sara. "Hi, I'm Matt Patterson.
When Joe walked up to Matt, they shook hands and put one arm around each other's back. Joe released a deep breath. "Thank you. As usual, you show up at exactly the right moment. I hope you had a good flight." He walked over to Sara and took her hands in his. "I'm sorry."
(There seems to be a lot of walking over in these sentences. Try he shook Sara's hand, or he walzed or sauntered, or just leave out the walk with another action. IN this area of the chapter read it out loud. There even more walks)
"What's bothering you, besides you don't know where your daughter is?"
sentence structure. How about, "What's bothering you, besides not knowing where your daughter is?"
hugs book
Comment Written 28-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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I took care of those errors. Thank you for catching them.
Comment from Jawster007
You write in a very active voice that keeps the reader involved. It is exceptionally well done and you keep the actions of the characters flowing-- even when Sara is drinking water, Joe approaching Matt, etc. The revelation of Cassie's father and the circumstances shocked me. What every avid reader hopes for! You have real talent for being a first rate novelist, thanks for sharing your gifts.
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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You write in a very active voice that keeps the reader involved. It is exceptionally well done and you keep the actions of the characters flowing-- even when Sara is drinking water, Joe approaching Matt, etc. The revelation of Cassie's father and the circumstances shocked me. What every avid reader hopes for! You have real talent for being a first rate novelist, thanks for sharing your gifts.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your review and kind words.
Comment from Tellis
Oh yeah! I'm glad that loser finally got a little of what's coming to him. I hope he is required to pay that back child support too. LoL I hate deadbeat dads!
Tellis
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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Oh yeah! I'm glad that loser finally got a little of what's coming to him. I hope he is required to pay that back child support too. LoL I hate deadbeat dads!
Tellis
Comment Written 28-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I think Joe has different plans for him.
Comment from L.lora
Wonsderfully descriptive,
fast paced, suspencefull
and intriguing. The dialogues
definitely put the finishing
touches on the storyline and
are perfect. no nits or spags. Lora
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
|
Wonsderfully descriptive,
fast paced, suspencefull
and intriguing. The dialogues
definitely put the finishing
touches on the storyline and
are perfect. no nits or spags. Lora
Comment Written 27-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from SWANNY
Well written, overall.
Just one small suggestion:
Who knows what it'll come to with fourteen years of interest added on, but [it] should be enough to pay for Cassie's college."
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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Well written, overall.
Just one small suggestion:
Who knows what it'll come to with fourteen years of interest added on, but [it] should be enough to pay for Cassie's college."
Comment Written 27-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from mtngalofnc
Hi barbara,
Looks like Sara has plenty of help and I hope they locate Cassie soon. I am also glad Joe figured out who harmed Sara years ago. Your dialogue is great and your story flows smoothly. Good job!
Glad to hear the good news. I wish you the best with your recovery.
Becky
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2010
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Hi barbara,
Looks like Sara has plenty of help and I hope they locate Cassie soon. I am also glad Joe figured out who harmed Sara years ago. Your dialogue is great and your story flows smoothly. Good job!
Glad to hear the good news. I wish you the best with your recovery.
Becky
Comment Written 27-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from MizKat
Barbara - This is a great chapter of your book. I think your writing is superb and also interesting to read. I never see any mistakes either. Great job. I'm glad about your cancer too. I hope the chemo and radiation takes care of it for good. God's blessings, Kat
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2010
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Barbara - This is a great chapter of your book. I think your writing is superb and also interesting to read. I never see any mistakes either. Great job. I'm glad about your cancer too. I hope the chemo and radiation takes care of it for good. God's blessings, Kat
Comment Written 27-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your well wishes. I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from K. L. Bauman
I like that Sara has some reservations after seeing Joe attacking the other man. That makes it more realistic. Another wonderful chapter.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2010
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I like that Sara has some reservations after seeing Joe attacking the other man. That makes it more realistic. Another wonderful chapter.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from anabelle
LOL! Hurray! What a sigh of relief we can all breathe now. I'm sure your sons are so happy, and you as well. Congratulations.
Good chapter. I'm glad the word got out of what happened on the night when Sara got raped. Now the stories can end, and life can begin for all of them.
Now, let's help Dani find Cassie.
Kind regards,
anabelle
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2010
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LOL! Hurray! What a sigh of relief we can all breathe now. I'm sure your sons are so happy, and you as well. Congratulations.
Good chapter. I'm glad the word got out of what happened on the night when Sara got raped. Now the stories can end, and life can begin for all of them.
Now, let's help Dani find Cassie.
Kind regards,
anabelle
Comment Written 27-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
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You're very welcome.
