Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Chapter 7; part two"Can love survive small town gossip?
80 total reviews
Comment from sheilanewton
I really enjoyed this, but I had to read ever so closely to get the real gist of what was happening.
Sometimes, your language isn't strong enough in, for example, the fight scene.
One of the characters gets 'slugged' (that's a hard-hitting word, pardon the pun) and yet, the guy only 'rubs his cheek'! I think with a 'slug; he would have gone reeling and rocking against somebody or something.
So, what appears to be just a little tap, because of the reaction it was, in fact, something that you could have made such a lot of - and made it a better, more 'larger that life' story because of it.
And when the accusation goes out about the rape - wow, that should have caused a furore, but somehow it doesn't, quite.
And you can crack it wide open,I know, because there are whole chunks of this posting that are superb. You've got real talent - but I think you're scared of that talent somehow.
Go on,Barbara Wilkey, knock 'em dead.
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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I really enjoyed this, but I had to read ever so closely to get the real gist of what was happening.
Sometimes, your language isn't strong enough in, for example, the fight scene.
One of the characters gets 'slugged' (that's a hard-hitting word, pardon the pun) and yet, the guy only 'rubs his cheek'! I think with a 'slug; he would have gone reeling and rocking against somebody or something.
So, what appears to be just a little tap, because of the reaction it was, in fact, something that you could have made such a lot of - and made it a better, more 'larger that life' story because of it.
And when the accusation goes out about the rape - wow, that should have caused a furore, but somehow it doesn't, quite.
And you can crack it wide open,I know, because there are whole chunks of this posting that are superb. You've got real talent - but I think you're scared of that talent somehow.
Go on,Barbara Wilkey, knock 'em dead.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your interesting review. I will checkh those words out.
Comment from samandlancelot
I liked your author notes comment about the doctor's lack of space. Thank God no additional cancer.
I liked that Sara's rapist was uncovered and punished for his crime.
Since I haven't read all the chapters, it's hard to keep straight who everyone is.
Patricia
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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I liked your author notes comment about the doctor's lack of space. Thank God no additional cancer.
I liked that Sara's rapist was uncovered and punished for his crime.
Since I haven't read all the chapters, it's hard to keep straight who everyone is.
Patricia
Comment Written 28-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your prayers. I appreciate your review.
Comment from Realist101
YAYYYY!!!!!! I am thrilled Barbara!! Just thrilled. I hope the chemo will not be too terrible, I have heard both. That it isn't so bad, others who say it's just awful...it's an evil necessity tho...all of it. Please be well!! ") AND your chapter is good, action packed and sort of heartwrenching, when I was young I was raped. Just a distant memory now, but at the time a real ordeal. Also, there are a few cops I sure wish I could punch, who truly deserve it too. But I am going to write about them instead! HA! ") Keep up the good work Barbara! ") Love! Susan
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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YAYYYY!!!!!! I am thrilled Barbara!! Just thrilled. I hope the chemo will not be too terrible, I have heard both. That it isn't so bad, others who say it's just awful...it's an evil necessity tho...all of it. Please be well!! ") AND your chapter is good, action packed and sort of heartwrenching, when I was young I was raped. Just a distant memory now, but at the time a real ordeal. Also, there are a few cops I sure wish I could punch, who truly deserve it too. But I am going to write about them instead! HA! ") Keep up the good work Barbara! ") Love! Susan
Comment Written 28-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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The pen is powerful. It's one of the reason I am writing about my cancer. I am sure I will write about my first experience with chemo. I can't imagine I won't. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from RobertaLee
A couple of things you might want to consider:
City officers don't give orders to County officers generally, even when they are related.
An officer would never grab a woman in a room full of antagonists, unless she was being actively aggressive (as in continuing to strike out.)
I've not read any other chapters, just ran across this story which is definitely enticing. I like the character development you throw into this chapter. A reader can easily 'catch up' just from this submission. The action sequences need a bit of work however, to make them realistic. This must be a very difficult portion for you to write as you seem to relate more to the gentle character of Sara than to the more pragmatic remaining characters. I do wonder though, if someone who was strong enough to be a rape victim who raised her child would fold so easily over someone beating up her antagonist. There are so many good things about this chapter.I read your authors notes and have added you to my prayer list from FS, there are many sufferers.
Thanks for a fun read. Blessings, Roberta
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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A couple of things you might want to consider:
City officers don't give orders to County officers generally, even when they are related.
An officer would never grab a woman in a room full of antagonists, unless she was being actively aggressive (as in continuing to strike out.)
I've not read any other chapters, just ran across this story which is definitely enticing. I like the character development you throw into this chapter. A reader can easily 'catch up' just from this submission. The action sequences need a bit of work however, to make them realistic. This must be a very difficult portion for you to write as you seem to relate more to the gentle character of Sara than to the more pragmatic remaining characters. I do wonder though, if someone who was strong enough to be a rape victim who raised her child would fold so easily over someone beating up her antagonist. There are so many good things about this chapter.I read your authors notes and have added you to my prayer list from FS, there are many sufferers.
Thanks for a fun read. Blessings, Roberta
Comment Written 28-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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I think you missed part of the developement leading up to this chapter, this is a very small rurual town where things are not quite we are used to. I spent the first 5 chapters developing all of that leading up to this scene. The readers and myself included who were raised in towns like this completely understood how this could happen. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Jonez08
A great continuation Barbara and a lot going on in this chapter. Child support would be wonderful for Cassie's education and I think Sarah asks a very good question at the end, it reminds the reader of what she's experienced in the past. I hope Cassie will be okay.
Sara knew she'd pretend to be angry, but would be relieved to see her daughter.
--every mother understands this feeling!
Sara reared back and slugged him in the jaw.
--he deserves it
Joe (slugged) him in the rib cage.
--since he slugged him in the stomach and you use slugging after this, consider another word here for variety.... hit, punch..
Cassandra
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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A great continuation Barbara and a lot going on in this chapter. Child support would be wonderful for Cassie's education and I think Sarah asks a very good question at the end, it reminds the reader of what she's experienced in the past. I hope Cassie will be okay.
Sara knew she'd pretend to be angry, but would be relieved to see her daughter.
--every mother understands this feeling!
Sara reared back and slugged him in the jaw.
--he deserves it
Joe (slugged) him in the rib cage.
--since he slugged him in the stomach and you use slugging after this, consider another word here for variety.... hit, punch..
Cassandra
Comment Written 28-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your review and I will fix that.
Comment from dportwood
barbara.wilkey,
Another well-written chapter as they all are. The action is fast and nothing gets bogged down in meaningless detail. Good job.
Duane
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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barbara.wilkey,
Another well-written chapter as they all are. The action is fast and nothing gets bogged down in meaningless detail. Good job.
Duane
Comment Written 28-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and continued support.
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
This is an excellent chapter with good, solid writing. Sara still has a lot to learn about decent lawmen. After all, Sara had just slugged the crud.
I have one suggestion. It's not even a nit, but I think my change would make the sentence flow better:
"Who knows what it'll come to with fourteen years of interest added on, but [it] should be enough to pay for Cassie's college."
Dave
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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Barbara,
This is an excellent chapter with good, solid writing. Sara still has a lot to learn about decent lawmen. After all, Sara had just slugged the crud.
I have one suggestion. It's not even a nit, but I think my change would make the sentence flow better:
"Who knows what it'll come to with fourteen years of interest added on, but [it] should be enough to pay for Cassie's college."
Dave
Comment Written 28-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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I will make that change. Thank you for your review and support.
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Barbara,
This is a good chapter, Iiked the way you brought the Police Chief down with a bang, or was that a hefty wallop?
The pace is picking up nicely and I look forward to the next one.
Patrick
PS: I'm delighted to see the result you got - that is really good news and a great answer to all the prayers.
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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Hi Barbara,
This is a good chapter, Iiked the way you brought the Police Chief down with a bang, or was that a hefty wallop?
The pace is picking up nicely and I look forward to the next one.
Patrick
PS: I'm delighted to see the result you got - that is really good news and a great answer to all the prayers.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your prayers. I appreciate the kind review.
Comment from jadapenn
Hello, Mama. The man is ready to kill for his woman. So now we know who the culprit is and the story has moved onto Task Force territory as we start our desperate search for Cassie.
Well written. Nice to say hello to little Dani again. lol. luv jada
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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Hello, Mama. The man is ready to kill for his woman. So now we know who the culprit is and the story has moved onto Task Force territory as we start our desperate search for Cassie.
Well written. Nice to say hello to little Dani again. lol. luv jada
Comment Written 28-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. The reason I started writing about the Task Force after my first novel is some of my friends weren't finished hearing about Matt and Dani, so I bring them into the other novels as cameo appearances.
Comment from Writeaway...
Excellent chapter add barbara, as always, bravo. I found no spags whatsoever and was kept interested from the beginning, you certainly left me hanging there wondering what's going to happen next, wishing you well, Jakeyboy!! :)
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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Excellent chapter add barbara, as always, bravo. I found no spags whatsoever and was kept interested from the beginning, you certainly left me hanging there wondering what's going to happen next, wishing you well, Jakeyboy!! :)
Comment Written 28-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
