Comment from Nicnac

Excellent

This is so cute. Your feelings are displayed clearly. What parent/grandparent can't remember that stage of life. LOL

Your poem made me smile, Jan.
No suggestions.
Nic

 Comment Written 21-Sep-2010

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reply by the author on 21-Sep-2010

like making you smile, Nic -- love, jan

Comment from Mithma

Excellent

Its sweet and lovely. Simple but meaningful. Lovely picture which is very matching to the lines. I think she would love it one day. Thanks for sharing

 Comment Written 20-Sep-2010

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reply by the author on 20-Sep-2010

thanks for reading, Mithma -- love, jan

Comment from heyjude

Excellent

Jan, how absolutely wonderful. Grandchildren are a treasure
so dear to our hearts. They do look so precious while they
are sleeping. Love the picture and the poem. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2010

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reply by the author on 20-Sep-2010

thanks, again, jude -- love, jan

Comment from Patrick G Cox

Excellent

Hi Rdfrdmom2

Nice photo and a nice sentiment expressed in the haiku. Nicely done, I'm sure your grand daughter will be thrilled with this one day.

Patrick

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2010

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reply by the author on 19-Sep-2010

I'm hoping so, Patrick -- I'm going to add some pieces I wrote for her mom along the way, too, to make it a family thing -- love, jan

Comment from missy98writer

Excellent

Jan,
your haiku is wonderfully written. Your haiku is in perfect form and syllable count. Adorable art work you used. Great use of metaphor with the phrase 'innocent personified.' Your haiku is technically excellent and a marvelous entry in the contest. Good luck to you in the contest. It was a joy to read your writing. Have a super Sunday.
Melissa.

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2010

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reply by the author on 19-Sep-2010

thanks, Melissa -- love, jan

Comment from Valkarie

Excellent

Your piece is only small but gives out a very strong message within your words which are so powerful and concise and most inspiring. Your word flow so eloquently and are most creative.
Valkarie...

I also live in Suffolk (Lowestoft)

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2010

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reply by the author on 19-Sep-2010

many hundreds of miles away in Suffolk, I fear
or I would invite you here for a beer
even though I really don't drink
it was what rhymed, I said with a wink

Comment from richard7

Excellent

I have to rate it high because the picture you painted with your short clear haiku is charming.
I remember clear the innocence of my new born son all those years ago and the same innocence he holds today.
Thank you very much.

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2010

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reply by the author on 19-Sep-2010

thanks, richard7 -- love, jan

Comment from Minglement

Excellent

What mother hasn't felt this way? You've beautifully captured this feeling in so few words. An excellent entry for the haiku contest. Good luck.

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2010

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reply by the author on 19-Sep-2010

thanks, Minglement -- love, jan

reply by Minglement on 19-Sep-2010

You're welcome. Have a great day. Marcia

reply by Minglement on 19-Sep-2010

You're so welcome! Marcia

Comment from LumchuckHickle

Excellent

A wonderful, expressive haiku. It goes a little against the haiku tradition being addressed to someone (the child or, perhaps, the poet to herself by implication), but it is very well done. Lovely language, lovely flow. Thanks for posting it.

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2010

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reply by the author on 19-Sep-2010

I'm never quite sure about the haiku rules other than it has to paint a picture which I hope this did -- love, jan

reply by LumchuckHickle on 19-Sep-2010

Hi, I didn't mean to suggest that there are "rules" to making haikus. Not at all. I apologize if that's an impression I left via my review. What I meant to say was that traditionally, haikus (unlike many other forms) aren't addressed to anyone. They (again, traditionally, not necessarily) just sort of float out there, describing an image, typically something in nature, and then bringing that image back...but in a very subtle way, not through any direct reference...to the hidden author's feelings, sometimes personifying nature but not addressing actual persons. Haikus are tied to the old-style Japanese script, which is pictorial in nature and derived wholly from Chinese characters. Because we don't use pictorial characters, it is very difficult for English speakers to create successful poems in the form. Even translating Basho, the great master of the form, into English is difficult. Few poets working in English have been able to write haikus that truly work in the way the Japanese poems do. Many great poets have tried to get this effect, including Yeats, Aiken, Amy Lowell, Frost, and others, but...for the most part...they haven't fully succeeded. I think critics (I mean scholarly critics here) generally agree with that. However, it isn't impossible. Some English language haikus really do work beautifully. Here is an example I like. The poet (now deceased) is James Kirkup:

In the amber dusk
Each island dreams its own night
The sea swarms with gold.

Sorry this was so long. You just set me thinking...a good thing. Thanks. L.

Comment from Raul GF

Excellent

It's a great idea to do a book for such a little angel, I think she will be very proud when she reads all the love and joy she has brought into this world. Keep all the poems short, I like that.

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2010

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reply by the author on 19-Sep-2010

there are some poems and some stories in her book, so far -- I really need to spend more time writing in it -- love, jan