The Horseman
A man in the middle of nowhere ...31 total reviews
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
Splendid story with lots of action as well as believable characters and fitting dialogue.
The whole story is well written.
If I have a problem I suppose it has to be with the fact that the sherrif was 'just a little afraid of Calvin Green.' I can't quite figure out why that should be!
Juliette
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2010
  |
Splendid story with lots of action as well as believable characters and fitting dialogue.
The whole story is well written.
If I have a problem I suppose it has to be with the fact that the sherrif was 'just a little afraid of Calvin Green.' I can't quite figure out why that should be!
Juliette
Comment Written 11-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2010
-
Hi Juliette!! Yes, I did change it, you are right! Thank you so much!! I am thrilled that you liked this! ") Susan
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
This was a great read - such descriptive writing, taking the reader into the scene and feeling the character's fear and anger - you're a natural, Susan and should write more of these. Apart from a few minor nits, easily corrected, this was most impressive and deserving of a six, which unfortunately, I don't have.
no where - one word
the sam??? hell - same?
Anger replaced fear now - I'd make this more dramatic..
Red hot anger replaced fear.
Will I get my gun back(,) Sheriff?"
"Sure thing(,) Calvin
there(.) Bill. When I rode up to get [it's](its) tag numbers - add comma - correct its
Can I go now(,) Sheriff?"
Thanks again(,) Calvin."
A most enjoyable read, my friend.
Margaret.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2010
|
This was a great read - such descriptive writing, taking the reader into the scene and feeling the character's fear and anger - you're a natural, Susan and should write more of these. Apart from a few minor nits, easily corrected, this was most impressive and deserving of a six, which unfortunately, I don't have.
no where - one word
the sam??? hell - same?
Anger replaced fear now - I'd make this more dramatic..
Red hot anger replaced fear.
Will I get my gun back(,) Sheriff?"
"Sure thing(,) Calvin
there(.) Bill. When I rode up to get [it's](its) tag numbers - add comma - correct its
Can I go now(,) Sheriff?"
Thanks again(,) Calvin."
A most enjoyable read, my friend.
Margaret.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2010
-
Hi Margaret!! Thank you!! I have fixed every spag everyone has mentioned, so, hopefully it will be okay...so much fun to try. Thank you for this review, I really do appreciate it my dear friend! Luv, Susan
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form, good flow, a good story line, i enjoyed reading it. i love the country and horseback riding. always wanted to make it out west
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2010
|
this is very well written with good form, good flow, a good story line, i enjoyed reading it. i love the country and horseback riding. always wanted to make it out west
Comment Written 11-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2010
-
Hi there!! I hope you will go soon! It's so neat and shrinking fast. So to speak. Thank you so much. I hope you will get to go ride soon!! I am going to try tomorrow, if we can be left alone by ignorant neighbors! Ha...") susan
Comment from adewpearl
but in today's world - add the apostrophe
no sign that the suv belonged - SUV
he jumped off his horses' back - horse's
lay in a pool of his life's blood - add apostrohe
settling into the driver's seat - add apostrophe
Will I get my gun back, Sheriff - add comma for direct address
Sure thing, Calvin - add comma
Hang on, kid - add comma
you need a few more commas with direct address in the rest of the story
What a tragic story - you tell this tale with excellent detail and pacing. The dialogue is excellent, and your use of all the correct horse/cowboy terminology adds a ring of authenticity. I also like your character development, which makes them people the reader cares about. Well-written, Susan. Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2010
|
but in today's world - add the apostrophe
no sign that the suv belonged - SUV
he jumped off his horses' back - horse's
lay in a pool of his life's blood - add apostrohe
settling into the driver's seat - add apostrophe
Will I get my gun back, Sheriff - add comma for direct address
Sure thing, Calvin - add comma
Hang on, kid - add comma
you need a few more commas with direct address in the rest of the story
What a tragic story - you tell this tale with excellent detail and pacing. The dialogue is excellent, and your use of all the correct horse/cowboy terminology adds a ring of authenticity. I also like your character development, which makes them people the reader cares about. Well-written, Susan. Brooke :-)
Comment Written 11-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2010
-
HI Brooke! I knew this was you, before I could scroll down to the name! ") IF only I could get these right???? I am afraid to use them anymore. Usually I have to remove them! But thank you dear friend...what would I do without you???? I will fix these and look for more...and I am thrilled that you enjoyed this Brooke! Thank you! SMiles for you!! Susan
Comment from highlander104
Good story and written well. It flows from beginning to end with realistic dialogue and just enough narrative. I hope to read more of your work soon.
Jean K.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2010
|
Good story and written well. It flows from beginning to end with realistic dialogue and just enough narrative. I hope to read more of your work soon.
Jean K.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2010
-
Hi Jean!! Thank you! How encouraging! If you liked this, please read a story of mine, called "The Lonesome Pines Of Mt.Teewinot" it's a western about a trapper and his dog who get into it with a bear! ? Hope you will like it too?? Best regards Jean!! Susan
-
I did read it and voted for it. Loved it.
Jean K.
Comment from Rama Rao
Hey, man, that was a damn good cowboy story very well written. You did an excellent job getting the SOB that killed Hermy and wrote the whole thing to paint a vivid picture. I liked the way you ended the story too."he had to keep at it, this thing called life."- this was fantastic man. I'm giving u six for this piece as I also like to write about horses.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2010
 |
Hey, man, that was a damn good cowboy story very well written. You did an excellent job getting the SOB that killed Hermy and wrote the whole thing to paint a vivid picture. I liked the way you ended the story too."he had to keep at it, this thing called life."- this was fantastic man. I'm giving u six for this piece as I also like to write about horses.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2010
-
Hi there! WOW!! I am so happy, you have made my morning much brighter!! Thank you!!! I will have to read your work too, I am a horselover all too much...they are costing more and more every year to have...but worth it I guess. Thank you again. I stayed up late and this just came out. Practice with dialogue...SO great to meet a fellow horse lover!! ") Susan
Comment from Ankh
Wow this is exceptional. Sadly I do not have a 6 for you. Call this one a virtual one. The flow and description were really good. Well done :-)~
Seth
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2010
|
Wow this is exceptional. Sadly I do not have a 6 for you. Call this one a virtual one. The flow and description were really good. Well done :-)~
Seth
Comment Written 11-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2010
-
Hi ANkh!! Thank you anyway , the thought is what counts, and I appreciate it very much! So kind of you to take the time to review for me...it means a lot!! Thank you again!! Smiles! Happy Saturday to you! Susan
Comment from Connie P
This is a very well written chapter. I've never been a fan of western stories, but through some of the great posts, like this one, I'm being won over.
Thanks for posting!
Connie
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2010
|
This is a very well written chapter. I've never been a fan of western stories, but through some of the great posts, like this one, I'm being won over.
Thanks for posting!
Connie
Comment Written 11-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2010
-
Hi Connie! Thank you!! I am thrilled to win you over!! I stayed up and this just came out like I was there...I feel lucky this time. A fun practice!! And I found the great pix for it too, Tanka the paint! ") HUGS!! and MANY thanks!! Susan
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
Thanks for sharing this with me Your characters have been described well in your script and I enjoyed it so much that I have bookmarked it.IT has imagery and written well. I see no need for editing it. Mary
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2010
|
Thanks for sharing this with me Your characters have been described well in your script and I enjoyed it so much that I have bookmarked it.IT has imagery and written well. I see no need for editing it. Mary
Comment Written 11-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2010
-
What a surprise and a real honor Mary! Thank you so much!! I stayed up tonight to write this, how I love horses and the west...and our Native Americans. Thank you again...you have made my morning!! Susan
Comment from Sarah_Goldwell
This is a very well written piece of work. I could find no obvious spelling or grammar mistakes. Your writing is clear- cut, easy to follow, with no difficult or wordy sentences. A smooth, easy read.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2010
|
This is a very well written piece of work. I could find no obvious spelling or grammar mistakes. Your writing is clear- cut, easy to follow, with no difficult or wordy sentences. A smooth, easy read.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2010
-
Thank you Goldwell! What an encouraging and kind review! SO happy to hear from you. I really do appreciate your time for me!! Susan
