Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Chapter 6 Part one"Can love survive small town gossip?
66 total reviews
Comment from Jonez08
Hi Barbara, well this was certainly a surprise. Wow. With love scenes, I believe it should always fit the characters and this fits Sarah and Joe, even Sarah's insecurities. The only suggestions I have would to have focused more on Sara's and Joe's emotions verses the the rituals of undressing and making love. How did his kisses, touches make her feel. Although she expressed her outer concerns, but her deepest inner thoughts could have connected her to the reader. I also felt there was a bit too much dialog. In the beggining it was normal for Sarah to express her concerns, but I thought at some point I would feel her surrender all and give her heart to the man she loves.
I do like that their lovemaking takes the stakes higher, especially with him leaving to return home. Sarah who has insecurities will probably have all kinds of thoughts. I look forward to the next.
as she caressed his back and slid her hands inside his jeans(,) massaging his rear end
A moan escaped his lips(,) and he caressed her soft bare rear end.
Cassandra
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
  |
Hi Barbara, well this was certainly a surprise. Wow. With love scenes, I believe it should always fit the characters and this fits Sarah and Joe, even Sarah's insecurities. The only suggestions I have would to have focused more on Sara's and Joe's emotions verses the the rituals of undressing and making love. How did his kisses, touches make her feel. Although she expressed her outer concerns, but her deepest inner thoughts could have connected her to the reader. I also felt there was a bit too much dialog. In the beggining it was normal for Sarah to express her concerns, but I thought at some point I would feel her surrender all and give her heart to the man she loves.
I do like that their lovemaking takes the stakes higher, especially with him leaving to return home. Sarah who has insecurities will probably have all kinds of thoughts. I look forward to the next.
as she caressed his back and slid her hands inside his jeans(,) massaging his rear end
A moan escaped his lips(,) and he caressed her soft bare rear end.
Cassandra
Comment Written 05-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
-
I will take a look at it. I can't have Joe's emotions because I am in Sara's POV. I orginally had more of this thoughts, but I realized I had to take them out. Thank you for your kind review.
-
You're welcome. I meant Sara's emotions through her POV, but Joe's emotions can be displayed by his actions. I thought just a little tweaking could make the inner emotions come over better!
Comment from gramalot8
Barbara, well, that was intense for sure. I'm glad Joe has been able to hopefully finally convince Sara that he really does love her and her daughter, Cassie. Looking forward to more.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
|
Barbara, well, that was intense for sure. I'm glad Joe has been able to hopefully finally convince Sara that he really does love her and her daughter, Cassie. Looking forward to more.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from BarbieL
Your writing is excellent and wow, steamy! I could feel the sexual tension between the two. Joe is right, she talks too much. Seems like an insecure woman, you portrayed her well. You certainly didn't disappoint me. I enjoyed this story. I hope your surgery goes well.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
|
Your writing is excellent and wow, steamy! I could feel the sexual tension between the two. Joe is right, she talks too much. Seems like an insecure woman, you portrayed her well. You certainly didn't disappoint me. I enjoyed this story. I hope your surgery goes well.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
-
Thank you for your review and support.
Comment from Rama Rao
I'm glad you didn't break this part into pieces. It was engrossing to say the least. You presented the bedroom scene and pillow talk in a way you alone can write.
I want to read the remainder before your surgery.
Great job as usual.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
|
I'm glad you didn't break this part into pieces. It was engrossing to say the least. You presented the bedroom scene and pillow talk in a way you alone can write.
I want to read the remainder before your surgery.
Great job as usual.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
-
I hope I get them out of the bedroom before my surgery, but I can't promise. I will do my best. Thank you for your review and continued support.
Comment from Nanashirley
It is not the amount of words it's the quality. I think the chapter is just right. I enjoy the story very much and your characters are real. I saw no need for editing.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
|
It is not the amount of words it's the quality. I think the chapter is just right. I enjoy the story very much and your characters are real. I saw no need for editing.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review and continued support.
Comment from Nicnac
Hot Hot Hot
I'm delighted another chapter's been posted. I've looked forward to this hot scene. I knew it was going to happen. Their love making was tastefully done.
Suggestions:
Her hand moved long (along) each definition of his muscles.
lacey (lacy)
I just LOVE Joe. What a sweet gentleman. :)
Nic
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
|
Hot Hot Hot
I'm delighted another chapter's been posted. I've looked forward to this hot scene. I knew it was going to happen. Their love making was tastefully done.
Suggestions:
Her hand moved long (along) each definition of his muscles.
lacey (lacy)
I just LOVE Joe. What a sweet gentleman. :)
Nic
Comment Written 05-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
-
I have made the corrections. I appreciate your eagle eyes.
-
My pleasure!
Comment from mtngalofnc
Hi barbara,
You created a beautiful love scene which is written in good taste. Sarah's insecurity comes into view as Joe tries to convince her of his love. Great dialogue with a nice flow. A pleasure to read and review. Thank you for sharing and I wish you best wishes with your health.
Becky
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
|
Hi barbara,
You created a beautiful love scene which is written in good taste. Sarah's insecurity comes into view as Joe tries to convince her of his love. Great dialogue with a nice flow. A pleasure to read and review. Thank you for sharing and I wish you best wishes with your health.
Becky
Comment Written 05-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review and well wishes.
Comment from missy98writer
Barbara,
You've done a fabulous job with this chapter and you've given us a love scene between Sara and Joe to boot with tender and touching love making. I love these lines:
"Joe, wait!" She put her hand on her stomach. "I've had a baby. My stomach has stretch marks. I bet you've never made love to someone who's had a baby before."
He shook his head. "You're right. You're the first woman I've made love with who has a child, but I already knew about your child. I've met her. I'm forty-one years old, not exactly a teenager. Should I be worried about my body?" Not waiting for an answer, he cupped her breasts
You will never disappoint your fans, but delight them with this touching chapter of Joe and Sara making love. Why do I feel the other shoe is about to drop? I hope your doing okay. My prayers go out to you. I look forward to your next chapter. . .Melissa.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
|
Barbara,
You've done a fabulous job with this chapter and you've given us a love scene between Sara and Joe to boot with tender and touching love making. I love these lines:
"Joe, wait!" She put her hand on her stomach. "I've had a baby. My stomach has stretch marks. I bet you've never made love to someone who's had a baby before."
He shook his head. "You're right. You're the first woman I've made love with who has a child, but I already knew about your child. I've met her. I'm forty-one years old, not exactly a teenager. Should I be worried about my body?" Not waiting for an answer, he cupped her breasts
You will never disappoint your fans, but delight them with this touching chapter of Joe and Sara making love. Why do I feel the other shoe is about to drop? I hope your doing okay. My prayers go out to you. I look forward to your next chapter. . .Melissa.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review and continued friendship.
Comment from jmdg1954
I missed the chapter before this one so I went back to read it so as to make sure I leave nothing to my imagination. You finally have them having sex (I know its been only a few days), very well depicted and excellent dialogue throughout. To me, I've sensed better writing as the novel went on with the story falling into place. I am still wating for the "hammer" to fall somewhere and now after they've made love and expressed there love for each other, I suspect it will soon follow?????
Keep up the excellent writing....
John
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
|
I missed the chapter before this one so I went back to read it so as to make sure I leave nothing to my imagination. You finally have them having sex (I know its been only a few days), very well depicted and excellent dialogue throughout. To me, I've sensed better writing as the novel went on with the story falling into place. I am still wating for the "hammer" to fall somewhere and now after they've made love and expressed there love for each other, I suspect it will soon follow?????
Keep up the excellent writing....
John
Comment Written 05-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
-
It will follow as soon as I get them out of bed. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from jknc
This is an excellent chapter. The romance is nicely accomplished.
I am about to go back and start at the beginning again.
Thanks for this little bit of spark to my day.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
|
This is an excellent chapter. The romance is nicely accomplished.
I am about to go back and start at the beginning again.
Thanks for this little bit of spark to my day.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review.
