Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Chapter 6 Part one"Can love survive small town gossip?
66 total reviews
Comment from Ted T
Hi Barbara :)
Exceptional writing, great dialogue exchanges, with a nice sense of place and atmosphere.
I think you're pretty good at erotica.
Ted
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2010
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Hi Barbara :)
Exceptional writing, great dialogue exchanges, with a nice sense of place and atmosphere.
I think you're pretty good at erotica.
Ted
Comment Written 06-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2010
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Wow!!!! Coming from you this is really special. Thank you.
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Hi Barbara :)
You did it quite well.
There's only one thing, and it has nothing to do with the chapter. The big anticipation is now over. It's the most significant event so far. The chapter out does everything else. Of course, that's my opinion, but what happens now? I'm thinking they should've stopped and let it go, That would've kept the reader wanting more. You could've held them back until near the end.
Yes, Joe and Sara can get it on again, but it won't have the same impact.. I took John and Carolyn all the way through "Thorns" and they never hit the sack. Other events made up for it. However a lot of my readers wanted it to happen. I'm sure you have something up your sleeve. It'll have to be explosive to compete.
Just commenting.
You haven't reviewed all of "Caretaker." I thought you'd like it.
Ted
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I haven't done much reviewing. My first graders have been taking all my energy, right now. I have been going to bed at 7:30. I am going to try to catch up. I have an extra two hours this morning, school has a two hour rain delay. Go figure.
I build Joe and Sara to this point, I needed them to be a strong couple, for the tearing apart. I think after you read on, you will see why. At least I hope.
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Hi Barbara :)
As I said, I'm sure you have a twist or two coming up.
Go with it.
Ted
Comment from Allezw2
lady barbara.wilkey,
Erotica is an art and you seemed to have skated well over the thin ice.
My only observation is an overuse of manhood.
Two people in the throes of lust, for what ever reason or their motivation, can be described in words approaching poetic without being descriptive anatomically.
Experiences vary and so do perceptions.
Nicely done overall in describing the impermanence of a military prone to assigning its members, seemingly capriciously, to far-flung duty stations with little prior announcment.
Even scheduled deployments are often pushed into "I'll think about it tomorrow" denial until the dreaded, often frightening moment comes.
Fantasist
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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lady barbara.wilkey,
Erotica is an art and you seemed to have skated well over the thin ice.
My only observation is an overuse of manhood.
Two people in the throes of lust, for what ever reason or their motivation, can be described in words approaching poetic without being descriptive anatomically.
Experiences vary and so do perceptions.
Nicely done overall in describing the impermanence of a military prone to assigning its members, seemingly capriciously, to far-flung duty stations with little prior announcment.
Even scheduled deployments are often pushed into "I'll think about it tomorrow" denial until the dreaded, often frightening moment comes.
Fantasist
Comment Written 06-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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I was a military spouse for 23 years. My husband retired a year ago. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from jclark
Barbara, you wrote a wonderful and beautiful lovemaking scene and I particularly enjoy how vulnerable and insecure Sara seems to be. Joe is constantly reassuring her and his is so laid back and yet so strong, solid and constant with Sara. Well done!
Judy
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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Barbara, you wrote a wonderful and beautiful lovemaking scene and I particularly enjoy how vulnerable and insecure Sara seems to be. Joe is constantly reassuring her and his is so laid back and yet so strong, solid and constant with Sara. Well done!
Judy
Comment Written 06-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from RaymondJohn
Steamy chapter. It's hot, but tasteful with the flashes of humor. It's also far enough into the story to be believable. Smooth narrative and good use of de4tail. Well done. Ray
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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Steamy chapter. It's hot, but tasteful with the flashes of humor. It's also far enough into the story to be believable. Smooth narrative and good use of de4tail. Well done. Ray
Comment Written 06-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and for dropping by.
Comment from Thesis
Great job, Barb. The scene fits so well with these two characters you've created. They are so in-tune with each other that their conversations felt so natural.
As for Cassie, you built up previous chapters, leaving no doubt Joe's affection for her.
PS: My thoughts will be with you on your surgery. Stay strong - you'll get good news. - John
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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Great job, Barb. The scene fits so well with these two characters you've created. They are so in-tune with each other that their conversations felt so natural.
As for Cassie, you built up previous chapters, leaving no doubt Joe's affection for her.
PS: My thoughts will be with you on your surgery. Stay strong - you'll get good news. - John
Comment Written 06-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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Thank you of your review and for your thoughts. I am posting a cancer update next weekend and hopefully the next Joe and Sara story.
Comment from zoocq
Thank you for your continuing the story. It seems only natural that Joe and Sara would end here...now what happens when Joe goes away. Good luck with your upcoming surgery.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your continuing the story. It seems only natural that Joe and Sara would end here...now what happens when Joe goes away. Good luck with your upcoming surgery.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I hope to post the next section before the surgery. We'll see if I get it done or not.
Comment from jadapenn
Loved your sensual story. I'm going to stick my neck out and say there's just a little more needed. Not because jada is overly into purple prose, but because I felt an abruptness in the flow of the story. It was beautiful otherwise. See what you feel about fleshing out and rounding off between the following two sentences.
With a loud moan, Joe rolled her over and moved inside her. They released moans of ecstasy.
After composing himself, Joe rolled off her. "Come here." He pulled her beside him, before he kissed her.
Well penned with good taste, girlfriend. luv jada
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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Loved your sensual story. I'm going to stick my neck out and say there's just a little more needed. Not because jada is overly into purple prose, but because I felt an abruptness in the flow of the story. It was beautiful otherwise. See what you feel about fleshing out and rounding off between the following two sentences.
With a loud moan, Joe rolled her over and moved inside her. They released moans of ecstasy.
After composing himself, Joe rolled off her. "Come here." He pulled her beside him, before he kissed her.
Well penned with good taste, girlfriend. luv jada
Comment Written 06-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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I will recheck those sentences. I was struggling with this one because I could not see Joe and Sara setting the sheets on fire. Thank you for the kind review.
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Nope, they're doing things the civilised way. lol. But I just felt something was needed there to link the gap. luv ya - jada
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I added a little more. I will continue to work on that area.
Comment from dmjones
A really good chapter. You could still see Sara has doubts about herself and their relationship but she's opening up more. No this wouldn't fit purple prose but this is perfect for your characters.
I know a 'buts' coming, (I think, not sure here, but buts needs to be but's for a but is coming.
Soon his kisses slid them from her lips to her lower stomach. (delete them)
Let(')s see, she's a good pitcher.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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A really good chapter. You could still see Sara has doubts about herself and their relationship but she's opening up more. No this wouldn't fit purple prose but this is perfect for your characters.
I know a 'buts' coming, (I think, not sure here, but buts needs to be but's for a but is coming.
Soon his kisses slid them from her lips to her lower stomach. (delete them)
Let(')s see, she's a good pitcher.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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I have had more trouble with Let's, first I had the ', the was told to take it out, now it's back in...GRRRRR, I will make the corrections. Thank you.
Comment from RKagan
This is a beautiful and tender well written love scene. It is not at all crass. I like the characters so much, and the lovemaking is just an excellent extension of who they are. good job.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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This is a beautiful and tender well written love scene. It is not at all crass. I like the characters so much, and the lovemaking is just an excellent extension of who they are. good job.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate your support.
Comment from bhogg
Wow, Barbara - this was hot. You are always a very descriptive writer and this was not an exception. You've built the relationship between these two characters. I'm anxious to read where this all goes. Regards, Bill
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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Wow, Barbara - this was hot. You are always a very descriptive writer and this was not an exception. You've built the relationship between these two characters. I'm anxious to read where this all goes. Regards, Bill
Comment Written 06-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate your support.
