Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Chapter 6 Part one"Can love survive small town gossip?
66 total reviews
Comment from Begin Again
Barbara,
Sorry I haven't been around much to support yuou and tell you what a terrific job you are doing with the story as well as maintaining your spirits. My thoughts are with you often even though I am not here to tell you so. Take care and keep going!!! I wish you the best!
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Barbara,
Sorry I haven't been around much to support yuou and tell you what a terrific job you are doing with the story as well as maintaining your spirits. My thoughts are with you often even though I am not here to tell you so. Take care and keep going!!! I wish you the best!
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 08-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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I know you are going throuhg some stuff yourself. My prayers are with you. Thank you for your review. I miss your writing.
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Thanks..I really miss it too! Smiles, Carol
Comment from BruceD
I like this chapter. Good characters in a passionate situation. It flowed well. Good description of emotions. I would recommend to others. Keep up the good work.
Bruce
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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I like this chapter. Good characters in a passionate situation. It flowed well. Good description of emotions. I would recommend to others. Keep up the good work.
Bruce
Comment Written 08-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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I am confused. If this is a good chapter why did I receive a 4? I don't understand.
Comment from Jetco
When the kiss ended, Joe (gulped). "Sara?" ...use squeak
He moved his hand to adjust the engorged (manhood) inside
...use gland instead
jeans massaging his (rear end.)....use ass cheeks instead
(Quickly he unfastened her jeans.)...he acts more like a randy private than a col.
A moan escaped his lips and he caressed her soft( bare rear end.)....there is that rear end thing again try big butt instead to change it around some. w ytyi
Closing her eyes from the fire he ignited within her, she (gulped). "Joe ...." instead of squeak this time use squealed
Joe's lips, as Sara massaged his( manhood.)....oops manhood thing again. Try using Nightstick instead.
Using her hands, she pushed his jeans and (boxer briefs) down....since he acts like a private wouldn't fruit of the looms be more appropiate.
Glancing at his throbbing ( manhood,) ....there it is again. try using Magic wand instead.
her eyes feeling its full size. ("Hum.") She moved up and down...Is she about to hum the star spangled banner?
I have to give you 6 stars. This was the most entertaining read since I've been a member. Keep up the writing. Don't let anyone discourage you.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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When the kiss ended, Joe (gulped). "Sara?" ...use squeak
He moved his hand to adjust the engorged (manhood) inside
...use gland instead
jeans massaging his (rear end.)....use ass cheeks instead
(Quickly he unfastened her jeans.)...he acts more like a randy private than a col.
A moan escaped his lips and he caressed her soft( bare rear end.)....there is that rear end thing again try big butt instead to change it around some. w ytyi
Closing her eyes from the fire he ignited within her, she (gulped). "Joe ...." instead of squeak this time use squealed
Joe's lips, as Sara massaged his( manhood.)....oops manhood thing again. Try using Nightstick instead.
Using her hands, she pushed his jeans and (boxer briefs) down....since he acts like a private wouldn't fruit of the looms be more appropiate.
Glancing at his throbbing ( manhood,) ....there it is again. try using Magic wand instead.
her eyes feeling its full size. ("Hum.") She moved up and down...Is she about to hum the star spangled banner?
I have to give you 6 stars. This was the most entertaining read since I've been a member. Keep up the writing. Don't let anyone discourage you.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and suggestions.
Comment from Arkine
Well, I figured that was going to happen before he left. ~L~ I wonder how this long distance relationship will work out? Nicely done! Just two things:
He kissed her, and another kiss quickly followed. When the kiss ended, Joe gulped. - Might consider revising, 'kiss' is a bit repetative. Though, if you intended it to be then it works just fine.
His finger caressed her cheek. ["]I guess you haven't noticed but I - quotation needed.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Well, I figured that was going to happen before he left. ~L~ I wonder how this long distance relationship will work out? Nicely done! Just two things:
He kissed her, and another kiss quickly followed. When the kiss ended, Joe gulped. - Might consider revising, 'kiss' is a bit repetative. Though, if you intended it to be then it works just fine.
His finger caressed her cheek. ["]I guess you haven't noticed but I - quotation needed.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I will rview those areas.
Comment from RazberryBullet
Got some chuckles here: "I'm worried our relationship will change as fast as the channels did." ;p... I am concerned about her use of instant messaging." LOL!!!
Liked this: "I can't afford pretty lace panties." He rolled onto his back and ran his hand through his short hair. "That's what I thought you said." :)
Well done!
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2010
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Got some chuckles here: "I'm worried our relationship will change as fast as the channels did." ;p... I am concerned about her use of instant messaging." LOL!!!
Liked this: "I can't afford pretty lace panties." He rolled onto his back and ran his hand through his short hair. "That's what I thought you said." :)
Well done!
Comment Written 07-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from fictionwriter
I loved this. There was just enough to let the reader feel the passion between them without it being too over the top. Good job.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2010
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I loved this. There was just enough to let the reader feel the passion between them without it being too over the top. Good job.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and I appreciate your thoughts. I have had a few complaints that I didn't show enough passion.
Comment from Kelly Shackelford
This is a great chapter. I loved the part where she is worried about her stretch marks. Man, I know how she feels. I look forward to seeing how the rest of their alone time goes
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2010
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This is a great chapter. I loved the part where she is worried about her stretch marks. Man, I know how she feels. I look forward to seeing how the rest of their alone time goes
Comment Written 07-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi barbara,
An excellent chapter, well written, just enough description for the imagination and enough dialogue to carry the story.
Really very good.
Patrick
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2010
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Hi barbara,
An excellent chapter, well written, just enough description for the imagination and enough dialogue to carry the story.
Really very good.
Patrick
Comment Written 07-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your review and continued support.
Comment from Tellis
This chapter was great although I did think they talked too much during the love making. I guess she would have some concerns since he lives so far away. I met my wife in Indiana while on a business and got engaged that same week. I was living in Alaska at the time and now we've been married for 17 years. So long distance isn't a problem. Excellent chapter.
Tellis
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2010
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This chapter was great although I did think they talked too much during the love making. I guess she would have some concerns since he lives so far away. I met my wife in Indiana while on a business and got engaged that same week. I was living in Alaska at the time and now we've been married for 17 years. So long distance isn't a problem. Excellent chapter.
Tellis
Comment Written 07-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and sharing your story. I appreciate it.
Comment from nora arjuna
Hi barb, oh this was rather sexy for me to read while fasting lol. Nicely done, not overly descriptive. Check these few:
She planted butterfly kisses to his neck and chest, then scooted [herself] onto his lap. - don't think you need 'herself'.
and rubbed himself against her[,] returning the kiss.
She unfastened [his button], unzipped his pants, - how about 'unbuttoned and unzipped his pants'? 'his button' sounds like there's a button on his body. :)
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2010
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Hi barb, oh this was rather sexy for me to read while fasting lol. Nicely done, not overly descriptive. Check these few:
She planted butterfly kisses to his neck and chest, then scooted [herself] onto his lap. - don't think you need 'herself'.
and rubbed himself against her[,] returning the kiss.
She unfastened [his button], unzipped his pants, - how about 'unbuttoned and unzipped his pants'? 'his button' sounds like there's a button on his body. :)
Comment Written 07-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I will make the suggested changes.
