Whispers in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Protest to Suzie -by BROOK ANNE"Brook's best lead dog is struck deaf
11 total reviews
Comment from MyYiaYia
I don't know how I ended up behind, but I sure did. LOL! This was a good chapter and gave a lot of info about how James feels and his thoughts on his mother. I didn't find any SPAG. Debbie :0)
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2010
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I don't know how I ended up behind, but I sure did. LOL! This was a good chapter and gave a lot of info about how James feels and his thoughts on his mother. I didn't find any SPAG. Debbie :0)
Comment Written 25-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2010
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Thanks for reviewing this old chapter. I've been lazy to do much output.
Comment from MissMerri
Your story-telling skills show well in this chapter.
All the detail and description make the scenes come alive. I thought we gained a little more insight into James' personality this time too. He is looking like a pretty nice guy.
I thought the following sentences needed a little tweaking perhaps. See what you think.
"My feet toss off the runners." (I don't know if this is actually what happens, but it is difficult to get my mind around 'feet tossing runners.' Maybe feet jump off, or slip off, or...?? Or maybe this is a term I'm just not familiar with.)
"I caress him a good petting." ("give him a good petting or just caress him, maybe? This sounds a bit odd to me.)
"You're going to whip that team into shape for a week in Fairbanks before the champion race." (Do you mean " .. going to spend a week in Fairbanks whipping that team into shape?")
Just asking, cuz I know you know a lot more about the terminology than I do, Your story is wonderfully well-written and captivating all the way through. Keep 'em coming.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
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Your story-telling skills show well in this chapter.
All the detail and description make the scenes come alive. I thought we gained a little more insight into James' personality this time too. He is looking like a pretty nice guy.
I thought the following sentences needed a little tweaking perhaps. See what you think.
"My feet toss off the runners." (I don't know if this is actually what happens, but it is difficult to get my mind around 'feet tossing runners.' Maybe feet jump off, or slip off, or...?? Or maybe this is a term I'm just not familiar with.)
"I caress him a good petting." ("give him a good petting or just caress him, maybe? This sounds a bit odd to me.)
"You're going to whip that team into shape for a week in Fairbanks before the champion race." (Do you mean " .. going to spend a week in Fairbanks whipping that team into shape?")
Just asking, cuz I know you know a lot more about the terminology than I do, Your story is wonderfully well-written and captivating all the way through. Keep 'em coming.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
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Thanks a million for taking time to read this chapter so thoroughly. I appeciate your comments and will checkout my wierd word choices. I think the next post will close this little novella. Luv, me
Comment from keimosobie
Very good writing. I get a very clear visual from your writing. I can almost smell the snow. I haven't read the rest but it seems interesting. Thanks for sharing and good luck with selling your book. How did you do it. Did you just publish it yourself on the computer so people can read it electronically?
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
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Very good writing. I get a very clear visual from your writing. I can almost smell the snow. I haven't read the rest but it seems interesting. Thanks for sharing and good luck with selling your book. How did you do it. Did you just publish it yourself on the computer so people can read it electronically?
Comment Written 05-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
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As for your publishing question, I'm guessing you're asking about my historical novel, "Spirit Basket" that I had a print-on-demand book done by Author House. It's available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble online and I peddle autographed copies around Alaska. My other novel, "Over Rainbows" (much reviewed on FanStory), is being considered by an Alaska publisher. This "Whispers in the Wind" is just a novella for kids. Thanks so much for reviewing the chapter and patiently reading all this babble. Marie
Comment from Allezw2
Lady Alaskastory,
You capture the feelings of the dog handlers well.
FYI - They do have sled dog races in the moutains on the north boundary of Los Angeles. Seems odd indeed to go from warm weather in the basin to a sunny day above the snowline.
There are still enough of the woods left and a wonderful lake to race across, so the teams and drivers do have room to stretch their teams to their best.
Those dogs can be frisky, too. One year, they had a sort of race with the local beauty queens driving them. On fellow, thin as a rail and way over six feet tall, had stripped off his shirt with only his long johns over his skinny torso and arms. He was wearing is black trousers and a black hat. When his team took off with the girl standing on the runners, she forgot to take her foot off the brake and snow was flying every which way. He was running after her screaming for her to take her foot off the brake. They were timing the teams across the short course on the frozen lake. Then she fell off when they had to make a turn around the pylons. The dogs kept going. They were rollicking along with the owner in hot pursuit, trying to intercept the dogs as they continually evaded him. This went on for about fifteen minutes and the course referees went out en masse to corral the dogs.
Fantasist
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2010
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Lady Alaskastory,
You capture the feelings of the dog handlers well.
FYI - They do have sled dog races in the moutains on the north boundary of Los Angeles. Seems odd indeed to go from warm weather in the basin to a sunny day above the snowline.
There are still enough of the woods left and a wonderful lake to race across, so the teams and drivers do have room to stretch their teams to their best.
Those dogs can be frisky, too. One year, they had a sort of race with the local beauty queens driving them. On fellow, thin as a rail and way over six feet tall, had stripped off his shirt with only his long johns over his skinny torso and arms. He was wearing is black trousers and a black hat. When his team took off with the girl standing on the runners, she forgot to take her foot off the brake and snow was flying every which way. He was running after her screaming for her to take her foot off the brake. They were timing the teams across the short course on the frozen lake. Then she fell off when they had to make a turn around the pylons. The dogs kept going. They were rollicking along with the owner in hot pursuit, trying to intercept the dogs as they continually evaded him. This went on for about fifteen minutes and the course referees went out en masse to corral the dogs.
Fantasist
Comment Written 04-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2010
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The story you tell is very amusing. I grew up in Truckee so saw a few dog sled races in the soft powder snow. Funny things happened. Thanks for reading this chapter, Allezw2.
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You're welcome.
Comment from anabelle
Really good chapter. The switch of povs is expertly done, and it lends more depth to the story than if you had just one.
Thanks for the lovely read. I wonder who's going to win the race?
Regards, anabelle
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2010
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Really good chapter. The switch of povs is expertly done, and it lends more depth to the story than if you had just one.
Thanks for the lovely read. I wonder who's going to win the race?
Regards, anabelle
Comment Written 03-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2010
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Thanks, anabelle. I glad you gave a little time and interest to this story. It is in need of encouragement. Marie
Comment from Tellis
I wonder if these two kids will get over thier competative streak. Sounds like they like each other a lot. Great chapter.
Tellis
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2010
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I wonder if these two kids will get over thier competative streak. Sounds like they like each other a lot. Great chapter.
Tellis
Comment Written 02-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2010
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Thanks so much for bothering to read this chapter. I may conclude this novella with the next chapter.
Comment from AprilShower
Hi, Alaskastory.
I enjoyed reading this. There were a few things that bothered me, though. They are below.
"Under a blue, late afternoon sky, metal runners on the sled slide through the village. I decide not to take the old trail beside the Yukon River."
The first sentence is awkward.
Suggestion:
One late afternoon under a blue sky, the runners on my sled slid thorugh the village over snowcovered roads.
I imagine her smiling blue eyes and how(her)soft arms would envelope me in a hug.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
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Hi, Alaskastory.
I enjoyed reading this. There were a few things that bothered me, though. They are below.
"Under a blue, late afternoon sky, metal runners on the sled slide through the village. I decide not to take the old trail beside the Yukon River."
The first sentence is awkward.
Suggestion:
One late afternoon under a blue sky, the runners on my sled slid thorugh the village over snowcovered roads.
I imagine her smiling blue eyes and how(her)soft arms would envelope me in a hug.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
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Thanks for the suggestions, April. I appreciate the time you gave this chapter.
Comment from vandawalker
I like the idea of telling this in the first person of each of the two main characters. That takes some skill to do. The setting is so interesting since it's so different from our normal setting day to day. This has a lot of action and good character development. Good writing!
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
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I like the idea of telling this in the first person of each of the two main characters. That takes some skill to do. The setting is so interesting since it's so different from our normal setting day to day. This has a lot of action and good character development. Good writing!
Comment Written 01-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
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Thanks so much, vanda. I so glad you found some interest in this chapter.
Comment from 239matthew
I'm completely worn out from reading this, that's because I felt I actually was with you on that wild journey. I could almost feel the wind in my face as you pick up speed. I never experience a ride like that without leaving my office. Thanks, it was a exhilarating read.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
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I'm completely worn out from reading this, that's because I felt I actually was with you on that wild journey. I could almost feel the wind in my face as you pick up speed. I never experience a ride like that without leaving my office. Thanks, it was a exhilarating read.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
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I'm so glad you enjoyed this Chapter. Thanks for the time you gave the review.
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The pleasure was all mine.
Comment from chells36
The storyline is well thought out
The flow is great and the meter is good
I didn't feel as much energy coming out in the writing but still very nicely written
thanks xx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
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The storyline is well thought out
The flow is great and the meter is good
I didn't feel as much energy coming out in the writing but still very nicely written
thanks xx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
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Thank you for taking time to review this chapter.
