Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Chapter 5; part two"Can love survive small town gossip?
74 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
He walked to the teenage mail - male
I'm coming to the aide of a pretty female - aid
I know Mom's important to you - add the capital M
What happens if you and Mom break up - add the capital M and divide breakup into break up.
I doubt your mom and I will break up
Barbara, I really liked the conversation with Cassie and the "conversation" with the boy harassing her - Joe can use far different tones depending on the occasion :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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He walked to the teenage mail - male
I'm coming to the aide of a pretty female - aid
I know Mom's important to you - add the capital M
What happens if you and Mom break up - add the capital M and divide breakup into break up.
I doubt your mom and I will break up
Barbara, I really liked the conversation with Cassie and the "conversation" with the boy harassing her - Joe can use far different tones depending on the occasion :-) Brooke
Comment Written 29-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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Thank you for catching those errors. I will make the immediate corrections. I am making more and more as I get more and more fatigued. I am about ready to quite writing until I get healthy again. I appreciate your review.
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Barbara, if writing is a hassle, give it a rest. On the other hand, if it takes your mind off things, don't worry that you make a few little errors - I have your back, my friend :-)
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I enjoy writing and it gives me a break from the reality, but I get frustrated with my stupid mistakes. All the mistakes I made are so simple. I should not have made any of them. I know I mess up with commas but these any elementary child should have known.
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Don't beat yourself up over the small stuff, Barbara. Write. Express yourself. I am not ill. I can take care of a few little nits for you. Heck, if you're worried about the world seeing those few mistakes, send me what you write first. : -)
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I am worried. One reviewer told me once, that I was a school teacher, I should write better than I do.
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I have no use for reviewers who think their function is to scold people.
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I don't either and to be honest it really hurt.
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You have to ask yourself what a person gets out of saying something he/she is pretty sure will hurt another. What kind of life does that person lead that this is a natural impulse? Makes me feel mighty sorry for them.
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That's very true. This particular person I have a feeling, believe it's his duty to correct the world.
Comment from c_lucas
You are doing a good job of turning Joe into a family man. This is very well written with god imagery and descriptive scheme.
Errors:
He walked to the teenage mail.(male)
She started clearing the plates and silverware." (delete ")
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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You are doing a good job of turning Joe into a family man. This is very well written with god imagery and descriptive scheme.
Errors:
He walked to the teenage mail.(male)
She started clearing the plates and silverware." (delete ")
Comment Written 29-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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Thank you for catching those errors. I will make the corrections. I am about ready to give up writing until I am healthy again.
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You're welcome. Slow down, but don't give up. Charlie
Comment from forestport12
You certainly illustrate that you can build a good story without inserting violence into every chapter. The sense of conflict is real and the characters show me depth. I'm not sure I would qualify to suggest any changes. I need read more of your backstory to this. It does sound like an interesting plot with a senior girl surviving her gigantic challenges and a young boy killed at war. A very real down home American story.
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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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You certainly illustrate that you can build a good story without inserting violence into every chapter. The sense of conflict is real and the characters show me depth. I'm not sure I would qualify to suggest any changes. I need read more of your backstory to this. It does sound like an interesting plot with a senior girl surviving her gigantic challenges and a young boy killed at war. A very real down home American story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Connie P
I was excited to see this chapter posted, the story is moving along. I hate to see Joe leave too, even though I know he'll be back. He's won the heart of the daughter as well as the mother.
Double check this: He walked to the teenage mail.
Connie
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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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I was excited to see this chapter posted, the story is moving along. I hate to see Joe leave too, even though I know he'll be back. He's won the heart of the daughter as well as the mother.
Double check this: He walked to the teenage mail.
Connie
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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I have made the correction. Thank you for your kind review.
