Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Chapter 5; part two"Can love survive small town gossip?
74 total reviews
Comment from Claire Beck
Nice story. I think your dialog is very natural. I had some trouble believing in Joe as he told Cassie about his helicopters, etc., but I think it's just that I haven't read the previous chapters. If you haven't gotten similar feedback from someone else, it's probably fine.
Keep writing!
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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Nice story. I think your dialog is very natural. I had some trouble believing in Joe as he told Cassie about his helicopters, etc., but I think it's just that I haven't read the previous chapters. If you haven't gotten similar feedback from someone else, it's probably fine.
Keep writing!
Comment Written 29-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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Joe works for an elite part of the government. That has been explained in the first chapter. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from LadyWave
Glad you're back posting! I thought Joe's reaction to Marc may have been a little too strong, but I liked how he jumped quickly to Cassie's aid. I'm glad Joe and Sara will have some alone time coming up :)
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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Glad you're back posting! I thought Joe's reaction to Marc may have been a little too strong, but I liked how he jumped quickly to Cassie's aid. I'm glad Joe and Sara will have some alone time coming up :)
Comment Written 29-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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I wonder how they will fill the 'alone time?' I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from mmmichelle34
that was a great story it kept me reading all the way to the end you have a nice way of keeping the readers interested in what you are say in a story great work keep it up..
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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that was a great story it kept me reading all the way to the end you have a nice way of keeping the readers interested in what you are say in a story great work keep it up..
Comment Written 29-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Sarah_Goldwell
They still never done the deed, lol. They've got to now, though. With the house all to themselves and Joe going back tomorrow ... ;-)) I love the relationship between Joe and Cassie. It's good that he really cares about her and doesn't just want Sarah for himself. I noticed one tiny nit you may want to have a look at.
[Sara would help clean up the bake sale area.] - You may want to consider an alternative here as you used the words 'bake sale' earlier in the sentence.
Apart from that, it was another smooth well written chapter. I don't know what they're going to do when Joe leaves. 500 miles is a long way. x
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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They still never done the deed, lol. They've got to now, though. With the house all to themselves and Joe going back tomorrow ... ;-)) I love the relationship between Joe and Cassie. It's good that he really cares about her and doesn't just want Sarah for himself. I noticed one tiny nit you may want to have a look at.
[Sara would help clean up the bake sale area.] - You may want to consider an alternative here as you used the words 'bake sale' earlier in the sentence.
Apart from that, it was another smooth well written chapter. I don't know what they're going to do when Joe leaves. 500 miles is a long way. x
Comment Written 29-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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I will relook that area, and yes, they do have the house for themselves for 2 whole hours, hummmm..... Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from patmedium
Excellent. I have thoroughly enjoyed and will await the next section just as eagerly! LOL. When is the next op. planned? How's school? Send me a mail when you are up to it. xxx
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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Excellent. I have thoroughly enjoyed and will await the next section just as eagerly! LOL. When is the next op. planned? How's school? Send me a mail when you are up to it. xxx
Comment Written 29-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and an email is on the way.
Comment from lola29
Okay, it's a definite fact--I'm in love with Joe. I'm so happy for Sara and Cassie, especially Cassie because she needs someone to help her fend off the bully's harassment.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this chapter.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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Okay, it's a definite fact--I'm in love with Joe. I'm so happy for Sara and Cassie, especially Cassie because she needs someone to help her fend off the bully's harassment.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this chapter.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from jadapenn
Hello Girlfriend. The bond here is cementing well and soon we'll have Joe home all the time. What if he wants Sara to leave and join him at taskforce. Then her dad will be on his own. I love the interaction and emotions in this little group. You have developed this well.
A few gremlins for you to study.
He walked to the teenage (mail)[male].
"I thought we'd come to an understanding we could both agree(d) with."
and searched the inside [of] the refrigerator.
Take care. luv jada
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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Hello Girlfriend. The bond here is cementing well and soon we'll have Joe home all the time. What if he wants Sara to leave and join him at taskforce. Then her dad will be on his own. I love the interaction and emotions in this little group. You have developed this well.
A few gremlins for you to study.
He walked to the teenage (mail)[male].
"I thought we'd come to an understanding we could both agree(d) with."
and searched the inside [of] the refrigerator.
Take care. luv jada
Comment Written 29-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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I have made the corrections. The more fatigued I get the more mistakes I make. I am about ready to quite writing until I am healthy again. Thank you for your kind review.
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Glad to help, sweetness. And don't quit unless you really can't make it. Those tiny typo's are nothing to worry about in this great story. I find if I leave one novel too long then I lose touch. It's hard to catch the thread again. Take care, love and stay well. much luv jada
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Thank you for your continued support. You're a good friend.
Comment from Robin Moynihan
What a delightful story, and I only got a small taste! There were a couple of little'oops' I found:
#1He walked to the teenage 'mail' #2'the inside the refrigerator.' And I didn't understand the following:
"I'm sure he will." He stopped and removed his business card. Again, I'm coming to the aide of another pretty female. He stared at his right hand and wiggled his little finger. How do they do it?
Tears entered her eyes and Joe dried them. "No, not tears. Not you too. I'm sunk." Loved this line, and the whole kissing scene was so cute. The characters are very real and enjoyable. Looks like you've got a winner here!
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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What a delightful story, and I only got a small taste! There were a couple of little'oops' I found:
#1He walked to the teenage 'mail' #2'the inside the refrigerator.' And I didn't understand the following:
"I'm sure he will." He stopped and removed his business card. Again, I'm coming to the aide of another pretty female. He stared at his right hand and wiggled his little finger. How do they do it?
Tears entered her eyes and Joe dried them. "No, not tears. Not you too. I'm sunk." Loved this line, and the whole kissing scene was so cute. The characters are very real and enjoyable. Looks like you've got a winner here!
Comment Written 29-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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Sara and Cassie have Joe wrapped around there little finger, it was brought out earlier and is a continued theme in the story. I must have been making the corrections while you were reviewing. Thank you for your review.
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Now it makes sense...I'm a little slow sometimes, what can I say!
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
A most enjoyable read, Barbara..
the conversation flowing naturally.
A couple of minor things....
easily corrected...
to the teenage mail - male
the aid[e] - aid
mom's important to you - capital M for Mom's
Margaret
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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A most enjoyable read, Barbara..
the conversation flowing naturally.
A couple of minor things....
easily corrected...
to the teenage mail - male
the aid[e] - aid
mom's important to you - capital M for Mom's
Margaret
Comment Written 29-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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Thank you for catching those errors. The more fatigued I get the more mistakes I am making. I am about ready to quite writing until I get healthy again. I appreciate your review.
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You should take it easy - altho with a family that is difficult. M
Comment from RKagan
As always this story is moving along with excellence. I can feel the fear of the children about allowing themselves to trust their mothers lover. Your characters are very well defined. I wish you well and I send you healing. God Bless. Roberta
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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As always this story is moving along with excellence. I can feel the fear of the children about allowing themselves to trust their mothers lover. Your characters are very well defined. I wish you well and I send you healing. God Bless. Roberta
Comment Written 29-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
