The Lonesome Pines of Mt. Teewinot
Fighting for survival in the Tetons32 total reviews
Comment from RazberryBullet
Liked these lines: the pines whistled in the wind and the only things that seemed alive were snow, the crystal ice and the wolves howling, unseen and ghostlike :)
Got a chuckle here: the wolves had marked his territory. This was something the old dog wouldn't allow. He put his scent on top of theirs at every spot, telling them he was waiting. ;p
suggestion: frozen snow and ice from the grizzled /trappers>trapper's/ beard...There had been sign of /grizz>grizzles?/ lately,
Great story! I especially liked the tension at the end :)
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2010
  |
Liked these lines: the pines whistled in the wind and the only things that seemed alive were snow, the crystal ice and the wolves howling, unseen and ghostlike :)
Got a chuckle here: the wolves had marked his territory. This was something the old dog wouldn't allow. He put his scent on top of theirs at every spot, telling them he was waiting. ;p
suggestion: frozen snow and ice from the grizzled /trappers>trapper's/ beard...There had been sign of /grizz>grizzles?/ lately,
Great story! I especially liked the tension at the end :)
Comment Written 21-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2010
-
Hi there! I will fix the spag! I really did work on this a lot, and oh, the term "grizz" is just short for grizzlies. I am happy you enjoyed this, and took a minute to review it too! My best to you Raz!!!
Comment from zoocq
A great story and well written with a quality narrative voice. It was almost as if it had come from a journal back in the day and gave insight into a life lived in the rugged mountains. Kept my interest.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2010
|
A great story and well written with a quality narrative voice. It was almost as if it had come from a journal back in the day and gave insight into a life lived in the rugged mountains. Kept my interest.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2010
-
Hello Zoo! Thank you so much. I'm very happy you liked this, I worked very hard on it and your review is appreciated so much!
Comment from Ankh
This is an excellent story of survival and co-existence. It is well written with a good dialogue and fantastic description. Well done and keep it up :-)~
Seth
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2010
|
This is an excellent story of survival and co-existence. It is well written with a good dialogue and fantastic description. Well done and keep it up :-)~
Seth
Comment Written 21-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2010
-
Hi Ankh! Thank you!! I am so happy for this wonderful review and that you took time for me!! I really appreciate!!
Comment from Jetco
You are and excellent writer. I read this feeling the cold but still hot. Makes me wish cold weather would get here. This is a good contest entry and probably will be in the top. Good luck in contest.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2010
|
You are and excellent writer. I read this feeling the cold but still hot. Makes me wish cold weather would get here. This is a good contest entry and probably will be in the top. Good luck in contest.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2010
-
Hi there! Thank you so much! I appreciate this wonderful reveiw and that you took time for me too!! Thank you again!
Comment from hfriscia
I like the you started off the work, grabs the readers attention...The flow is good, very tight...The characters are well and developed...
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
|
I like the you started off the work, grabs the readers attention...The flow is good, very tight...The characters are well and developed...
Comment Written 20-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
-
Hi there! Thank you and I appreciate your time for me! ")
Comment from animatqua
I placed the first two paragraphs as written on top, grammar corrections beneath it.
It's mostly a question of comma placement and minor pains like that. I run into the same thing with my writing. I'm so familiar with the work my eye doesn't center in on the particulars.
******************************************************
inside the cabin, a fire blazed hot in the huge hearth, its heat melting the frozen snow and ice from the grizzled trappers beard. His snowshoes and the bearskin he wore as a coat, were stiff as death itself. He groaned as he took them off, age was slowly taking a toll on him and he was starting to contemplate his mortality. His life would not allow him to survive once he became frail and feeble-minded. It was a bridge he would have to cross one slat at a time and for now, the stiffness was his only major weakness, but a weakness none the less and it trifled with his peace of mind.
After years of wind, cold and the hot sun in summer, John LaRue's face had the look of fine leather. His hands were calloused from a lifetime of toting the iron traps up and down the riverbanks, where he fought grizzlies and trapped the beaver as they chewed down the aspen to make their dams. And he fished for the cutthroat trout too, while keenly observing the abundant wildlife of the high country. Life was good to him here in the Teton Range and he wouldn't change one thing about it, even if he could. He undressed down to his red long-johns and filling his pipe with the rare tobacco, sat back in his hand-made rocker and let out a tired breath. The fire stoked, old Dog lying there and pipe in hand, he was glad to be inside the cabin that had been his home for over twenty years.
*******************************************************
Inside the cabin a fire blazed hot in the huge hearth, its heat melting the frozen snow and ice from the grizzled trapperâ??s beard. His snowshoes and the bearskin he wore as a coat were stiff as death itself.
He groaned as he took them off. Age was slowly taking a toll on him, and he was starting to contemplate his mortality. The life he lived would not allow him to survive once he became frail and feeble-minded. It was a bridge he would have to cross one slat at a time. For no, the stiffness was his only major weakness, but a weakness none the less, and it trifled with his peace of mind.
After years of wind, cold, and hot sun in summer, John LaRueâ??s face had the look of fine leather. His hands were calloused from a lifetime of toting the iron traps up and down the riverbanks where he fought grizzlies and trapped the beaver as they chewed down the aspen to make their dams. He fished for cutthroat trout, too, while keenly observing the abundant wildlife of the high country. Life was good to him here in the Teton Range, and he wouldnâ??t change one thing about it, even if he could.
He undressed down to his red long-johns, filled his pipe with the rare tobacco, sat back in his hand-made rocker, and let out a tired breath. The fire stoked, old Dog laying there, and the pipe in hand, he was glad to be inside the cabin that had been his home for over twenty years.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
 |
I placed the first two paragraphs as written on top, grammar corrections beneath it.
It's mostly a question of comma placement and minor pains like that. I run into the same thing with my writing. I'm so familiar with the work my eye doesn't center in on the particulars.
******************************************************
inside the cabin, a fire blazed hot in the huge hearth, its heat melting the frozen snow and ice from the grizzled trappers beard. His snowshoes and the bearskin he wore as a coat, were stiff as death itself. He groaned as he took them off, age was slowly taking a toll on him and he was starting to contemplate his mortality. His life would not allow him to survive once he became frail and feeble-minded. It was a bridge he would have to cross one slat at a time and for now, the stiffness was his only major weakness, but a weakness none the less and it trifled with his peace of mind.
After years of wind, cold and the hot sun in summer, John LaRue's face had the look of fine leather. His hands were calloused from a lifetime of toting the iron traps up and down the riverbanks, where he fought grizzlies and trapped the beaver as they chewed down the aspen to make their dams. And he fished for the cutthroat trout too, while keenly observing the abundant wildlife of the high country. Life was good to him here in the Teton Range and he wouldn't change one thing about it, even if he could. He undressed down to his red long-johns and filling his pipe with the rare tobacco, sat back in his hand-made rocker and let out a tired breath. The fire stoked, old Dog lying there and pipe in hand, he was glad to be inside the cabin that had been his home for over twenty years.
*******************************************************
Inside the cabin a fire blazed hot in the huge hearth, its heat melting the frozen snow and ice from the grizzled trapperâ??s beard. His snowshoes and the bearskin he wore as a coat were stiff as death itself.
He groaned as he took them off. Age was slowly taking a toll on him, and he was starting to contemplate his mortality. The life he lived would not allow him to survive once he became frail and feeble-minded. It was a bridge he would have to cross one slat at a time. For no, the stiffness was his only major weakness, but a weakness none the less, and it trifled with his peace of mind.
After years of wind, cold, and hot sun in summer, John LaRueâ??s face had the look of fine leather. His hands were calloused from a lifetime of toting the iron traps up and down the riverbanks where he fought grizzlies and trapped the beaver as they chewed down the aspen to make their dams. He fished for cutthroat trout, too, while keenly observing the abundant wildlife of the high country. Life was good to him here in the Teton Range, and he wouldnâ??t change one thing about it, even if he could.
He undressed down to his red long-johns, filled his pipe with the rare tobacco, sat back in his hand-made rocker, and let out a tired breath. The fire stoked, old Dog laying there, and the pipe in hand, he was glad to be inside the cabin that had been his home for over twenty years.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
-
Please explain this and I will correct them? Thank you!
-
There is an extensive amount of work to be done. I will go through and do a bit to give an example and send it to you through messages.
-
Hi again, and thank you!! I appreciate!
Comment from lucyanne1977
What a lovely piece of writing. I enjoyed reading this and It had nothing in it that I did not like. Well done. Keep up the good work.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
|
What a lovely piece of writing. I enjoyed reading this and It had nothing in it that I did not like. Well done. Keep up the good work.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
-
Hi LucyAnne! THank you SO very much! I worked hard on this, and am very pleased you liked it. Your review is very encouraging and appreciated with all my heart!!! ")
Comment from clayzy
After playing a round of golf, on a very hot day, here in Florida, a mountain tale complete with snowstorm, wolves, grizzlies, was quite refreshing. Nicely told with plenty of excitement to keep it flowing. Couldn't find anything to criticize. Good work. Clay
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
|
After playing a round of golf, on a very hot day, here in Florida, a mountain tale complete with snowstorm, wolves, grizzlies, was quite refreshing. Nicely told with plenty of excitement to keep it flowing. Couldn't find anything to criticize. Good work. Clay
Comment Written 20-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
-
Hi Clay! Thank you!! I am thrilled that you liked this effort. I am happy to hear from someone in the sunshine state! Soon in Indiana the snow will be flying just like around John LaRue's cabin! Thank you again!! I appreciate this great review!!
Comment from BethShelby
This is a great adventure story. I enjoyed every spine-tingling moment of it. You are a very colorful writer and I wish this wasn't a contest because if I knew who you were I would like to add your name as someone whose writing I would like to read again.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
 |
This is a great adventure story. I enjoyed every spine-tingling moment of it. You are a very colorful writer and I wish this wasn't a contest because if I knew who you were I would like to add your name as someone whose writing I would like to read again.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
-
Well, after the contest I will contact you if you would like! Thank you Beth, you are so kind, and this is VERY encouraging too. I am pleased you like this effort. Thank you again!!
Comment from juliaSjames
A very enjoyable and engrossing read of the precarious survival of a solitary trapper courageously living on the edge in his beloved mountains, while the land is caught in the cold grip of winter. I love stories involving animals, so Dog rocked! BTW,do Airedales fight cougars? I don't know. I like the way that Dog becomes a different animal when he's outside, and I guess his master goes through a similar metamorphosis. A couple of small points caught my eye that you may want to consider revising. WRT the hides at the door, I suggest you either use "hold off" or "keep out" instead of "hold out." When you write about the golden rays of the setting sun, I think the metaphor could be improved, and I propose inserting after snow, "as though the land had been painted with the bold strokes of an artist's brush."
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
|
A very enjoyable and engrossing read of the precarious survival of a solitary trapper courageously living on the edge in his beloved mountains, while the land is caught in the cold grip of winter. I love stories involving animals, so Dog rocked! BTW,do Airedales fight cougars? I don't know. I like the way that Dog becomes a different animal when he's outside, and I guess his master goes through a similar metamorphosis. A couple of small points caught my eye that you may want to consider revising. WRT the hides at the door, I suggest you either use "hold off" or "keep out" instead of "hold out." When you write about the golden rays of the setting sun, I think the metaphor could be improved, and I propose inserting after snow, "as though the land had been painted with the bold strokes of an artist's brush."
Comment Written 20-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
-
Hi Julia! I will certainly do this! I appreciate your help and this kind review too. It's a joy to have someone take time and read for me. Thank you so much!!
-
Forgot to mention that I once had a cat named Dog...just saying! LOL, blessings,jj
-
Oh this is priceless. I AM laughing now...How sweet, thank you again, keep in touch? ") Susan
