Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Chapter 5, part one"Can love survive small town gossip?
81 total reviews
Comment from fictionwriter
I continue to really enjoy this story. Joe is the perfect man as far as I'm concerned, someone who doesn't care what others think and stands up for those he loves. I wish you the best of luck to, my prayers continue for a quick recovery and the energy to move on. GReat job.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2010
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I continue to really enjoy this story. Joe is the perfect man as far as I'm concerned, someone who doesn't care what others think and stands up for those he loves. I wish you the best of luck to, my prayers continue for a quick recovery and the energy to move on. GReat job.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your conitnued prayers. I have put my cancer in God's hands. I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from afternoonlight
How fun with the baseball came and the cookie baking. I noticed the last chapter and this and maybe even the one before as I read 3 you used he moved the hair from her cheek with her thumb several times, it jumped at me. Just a perception. Good writing and good story.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2010
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How fun with the baseball came and the cookie baking. I noticed the last chapter and this and maybe even the one before as I read 3 you used he moved the hair from her cheek with her thumb several times, it jumped at me. Just a perception. Good writing and good story.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2010
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T will take care of that. I used to use she chewed on her lower lip, so I guess I have switched to brushing hair. HUMMM I appreciate you pointing it out.
Comment from Ponder
Hi Barbara,
You'vew pulled it out of the bag again with this great chapter. The ball game was wonderfully described and the entire chapter read very well. The characters are still interesting and getting more interesting now that the book has moved on a little.
I enjoyed this read very much.
Jules
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2010
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Hi Barbara,
You'vew pulled it out of the bag again with this great chapter. The ball game was wonderfully described and the entire chapter read very well. The characters are still interesting and getting more interesting now that the book has moved on a little.
I enjoyed this read very much.
Jules
Comment Written 17-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from misscookie
I truly enjoyed reading this story' I love the movement that it has. There was never a dull moment. You have a way that each chacther in the story I felt i knew them too. this is a good write.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2010
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I truly enjoyed reading this story' I love the movement that it has. There was never a dull moment. You have a way that each chacther in the story I felt i knew them too. this is a good write.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
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You are very welcome.Have a nice day.
Comment from nora arjuna
Hi Barb, stealing some moments at work to read this. Now this story, no doubt related to the force and you earlier stories, but is different and sweet overall. No spags found but I have a couple of suggestions. See if you like them:
She took a few steps toward her bedroom, then turned around and ran to Joe. After she threw her arms around his neck, she kissed him. - the second sentence's rather awkward. How about:
She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him.
Joe grinned. - you repeated this phrase rather often. Try to vary the reaction.
"I let Ms. Moore know how beautiful you are on the inside as well as the outside." [He sat]. "I then asked if she could look me in the eye and tell me she never had sex until her wedding night." - I thought he should sit first before saying those to her. Try:
He returned to her side. "I let Ms. Moore know how beautiful you are on the inside as well as the outside. I then asked....
"Oops. I'm sorry. I guess I got excited." - not sure why she keeps apologising? She already knew he's in love with her.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2010
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Hi Barb, stealing some moments at work to read this. Now this story, no doubt related to the force and you earlier stories, but is different and sweet overall. No spags found but I have a couple of suggestions. See if you like them:
She took a few steps toward her bedroom, then turned around and ran to Joe. After she threw her arms around his neck, she kissed him. - the second sentence's rather awkward. How about:
She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him.
Joe grinned. - you repeated this phrase rather often. Try to vary the reaction.
"I let Ms. Moore know how beautiful you are on the inside as well as the outside." [He sat]. "I then asked if she could look me in the eye and tell me she never had sex until her wedding night." - I thought he should sit first before saying those to her. Try:
He returned to her side. "I let Ms. Moore know how beautiful you are on the inside as well as the outside. I then asked....
"Oops. I'm sorry. I guess I got excited." - not sure why she keeps apologising? She already knew he's in love with her.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2010
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I will make the corrections. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from NightWriter
"Chapter 5, part one" is captivating from start to end. So smooth and natural dialogue. I fell right in and loved these characters. It was like I was there at their home and at the ballpark. Thank you.
On another note, I send you my sincerest wish for you to feel better soon.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2010
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"Chapter 5, part one" is captivating from start to end. So smooth and natural dialogue. I fell right in and loved these characters. It was like I was there at their home and at the ballpark. Thank you.
On another note, I send you my sincerest wish for you to feel better soon.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and continued support.
Your well wishes are very welcome.
Comment from christopherjl
Well written, it is a bit difficult to get the full context of the writing without actually reading the full story. You have a lot of dialogue which can be confusing; however, I think you execute it perfectly. Thanks for sharing this installment.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2010
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Well written, it is a bit difficult to get the full context of the writing without actually reading the full story. You have a lot of dialogue which can be confusing; however, I think you execute it perfectly. Thanks for sharing this installment.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from mtngalofnc
Hi barbara,
Another great chapter. The scene with Sara and Cassie at home is very believable and Cassie's fondness for Joe is clear.
Joe and Sara's feelings for each other is also clear and I can't wait to see how this couple deals with this long distance love.
The ball game is a delightful scene. Cassie now has Joe to help her and Sarah bubbles with enthusiasm.
Good job! No spag did I see and the story flows smoothly. Thank you for sharing.
Becky
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2010
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Hi barbara,
Another great chapter. The scene with Sara and Cassie at home is very believable and Cassie's fondness for Joe is clear.
Joe and Sara's feelings for each other is also clear and I can't wait to see how this couple deals with this long distance love.
The ball game is a delightful scene. Cassie now has Joe to help her and Sarah bubbles with enthusiasm.
Good job! No spag did I see and the story flows smoothly. Thank you for sharing.
Becky
Comment Written 16-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Nicnac
What a fun chapter. I like the calm feeling that Joe exudes after the eventful night before. It gives a nice pause to the reader.
The excitement that Sara feels is contagious. I was cheering for Cassie as well.
I LOVE that Joe asked that bratty woman if she was a virgin when she was married. :) LOL
Great chapter, Barbara.
I hope you are doing well and not overdoing it at work this week. Please take it easy and take care of you.
Hugs and prayers.
Nic
I'm really craving a hot chocolate chip cookie!
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2010
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What a fun chapter. I like the calm feeling that Joe exudes after the eventful night before. It gives a nice pause to the reader.
The excitement that Sara feels is contagious. I was cheering for Cassie as well.
I LOVE that Joe asked that bratty woman if she was a virgin when she was married. :) LOL
Great chapter, Barbara.
I hope you are doing well and not overdoing it at work this week. Please take it easy and take care of you.
Hugs and prayers.
Nic
I'm really craving a hot chocolate chip cookie!
Comment Written 16-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2010
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Love hearing from your Nic. I appreciate the kind review.
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My pleasure!
Comment from pickthorn
Interesting story. I plan to read some previous chapters. It is very well written. I see only a couple of things I might bring your attention to. 'Chapter' is misspelled (in CHATPER FIVE ) There needs to be a comma after 'mother' in the sentence 'Cassie walked into the kitchen and watched her mother busy baking cookies.. " and a comma after 'Besides' in the sentence "Besides if you don't hurry..."
I enjoyed reading it. You are a very talented writer.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2010
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Interesting story. I plan to read some previous chapters. It is very well written. I see only a couple of things I might bring your attention to. 'Chapter' is misspelled (in CHATPER FIVE ) There needs to be a comma after 'mother' in the sentence 'Cassie walked into the kitchen and watched her mother busy baking cookies.. " and a comma after 'Besides' in the sentence "Besides if you don't hurry..."
I enjoyed reading it. You are a very talented writer.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2010
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Thank you for catching the misspelled chapter. I am shocked nobody has caught that.
