Desert Night
A contest entry15 total reviews
Comment from animatqua
The poem fit well within the form chosen to express it. It also met the criteria of the "Orb" contest.
I do question the idea of aliens. But, then, maybe saints and angels are aliens, too.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2010
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The poem fit well within the form chosen to express it. It also met the criteria of the "Orb" contest.
I do question the idea of aliens. But, then, maybe saints and angels are aliens, too.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2010
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the many stars.
Comment from fairydancer
Nice poetic flow to this unique entry, eliz100.
First stanza gripped me straight away.
One small spag - should 'hemitage' be 'hermitage' ??
supplication, despair, dust-filled and bone dry, essence, atonement, glorify.
Great entry - good luck - Cally :)))
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2010
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Nice poetic flow to this unique entry, eliz100.
First stanza gripped me straight away.
One small spag - should 'hemitage' be 'hermitage' ??
supplication, despair, dust-filled and bone dry, essence, atonement, glorify.
Great entry - good luck - Cally :)))
Comment Written 18-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2010
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Thankyou for reading and catching that mistake. I appreciate the many stars.
Comment from closetpoetjester
Hey there, nice entry for the Orb contest with a very well penned and fluid piece. This had a soft gentle feel to it and it just floated along nicely somewhat like that UFO you described in the sky. You outline this journey with great narratives and very nice arrangement of your words and I found this a delight to read. The last part was probably my fave in the very end 3 lines. Nicely done and a fantasic entry. Well done and good luck.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2010
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Hey there, nice entry for the Orb contest with a very well penned and fluid piece. This had a soft gentle feel to it and it just floated along nicely somewhat like that UFO you described in the sky. You outline this journey with great narratives and very nice arrangement of your words and I found this a delight to read. The last part was probably my fave in the very end 3 lines. Nicely done and a fantasic entry. Well done and good luck.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2010
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the positive feedback and the many stars.
Comment from june prescott
Interesting orb, a UFO, and a movie screen showing his life of good deeds. A very creative story with the setting in the desert. Area 51 perhaps? Nicely done and good luck in the contest. JP
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2010
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Interesting orb, a UFO, and a movie screen showing his life of good deeds. A very creative story with the setting in the desert. Area 51 perhaps? Nicely done and good luck in the contest. JP
Comment Written 18-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2010
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the feedback and the many stars.
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My pleasure! :) Cheers, JP
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I enjoyed reading A Night's Work. I am not a poet, so I am unable to help you with your poem. I would probably give you wrong information. When I read the title and the description of the contest, I thought, hummm, I didn't know there was a poem labled, "orb." I ready your poem and fully understand now.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2010
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I enjoyed reading A Night's Work. I am not a poet, so I am unable to help you with your poem. I would probably give you wrong information. When I read the title and the description of the contest, I thought, hummm, I didn't know there was a poem labled, "orb." I ready your poem and fully understand now.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2010
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the many stars.
Comment from Suzie Q
Absolutely awesome! Good grief, I loved everything about it. I reread it over and over trying to pick a single verse or phrase, but it's all too good. The only thing that might remotely be redone is just on this line " His soul dust-filled and bone( I would try to come up with a 2 syllable word to replace bone) dry." I think it would roll off the tongue a little easier, that's all. But it is just fine the way it is. Bravo!
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2010
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Absolutely awesome! Good grief, I loved everything about it. I reread it over and over trying to pick a single verse or phrase, but it's all too good. The only thing that might remotely be redone is just on this line " His soul dust-filled and bone( I would try to come up with a 2 syllable word to replace bone) dry." I think it would roll off the tongue a little easier, that's all. But it is just fine the way it is. Bravo!
Comment Written 13-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2010
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the feedback and the many stars.
Comment from Summer Falls
Okay, it took me FOREVER to go through all the rules of this contest and compare them against your poem. Goodness, it must have taken you even longer to create it. You know what? Upon the first reading I loved it. Then, after realizing that it was a contest, I read it again and saw that even the strict rules did not hinder your flow. Your creativity shines in this poem though the rules easily could have conformed it so much that it would be obviously written around the rules instead of incorporating them into your story in a poem. Gosh, did I use the word rules enough? Anyway, without rambling any longer--let me sum it up.
Excellent poem, smooth flow and wonderful story.
Summer
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2010
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Okay, it took me FOREVER to go through all the rules of this contest and compare them against your poem. Goodness, it must have taken you even longer to create it. You know what? Upon the first reading I loved it. Then, after realizing that it was a contest, I read it again and saw that even the strict rules did not hinder your flow. Your creativity shines in this poem though the rules easily could have conformed it so much that it would be obviously written around the rules instead of incorporating them into your story in a poem. Gosh, did I use the word rules enough? Anyway, without rambling any longer--let me sum it up.
Excellent poem, smooth flow and wonderful story.
Summer
Comment Written 11-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2010
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the wonderful feedback and the many stars.
Comment from telespectral
This is a great poem. You are an excellent writer. I enjoy your writing very much. This poem definately stands a strong chance of winning.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2010
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This is a great poem. You are an excellent writer. I enjoy your writing very much. This poem definately stands a strong chance of winning.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2010
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the positive feedback and the many stars.
Comment from LadyWave
I really enjoyed this poem. I liked how you told a story in it, and I thought it was an inspirational story. I loved the line "His soul dust-filled and bone dry."
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2010
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I really enjoyed this poem. I liked how you told a story in it, and I thought it was an inspirational story. I loved the line "His soul dust-filled and bone dry."
Comment Written 11-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2010
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the positive feedback and the many stars.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello eliz100
Real good I liked your entry.
I had to look up the meaning of your word wizened, and
found it was a word that I never knew.
You used that word very well.
Gert
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2010
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Hello eliz100
Real good I liked your entry.
I had to look up the meaning of your word wizened, and
found it was a word that I never knew.
You used that word very well.
Gert
Comment Written 11-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2010
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the positive feedback and the many stars.
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Smiles
Gert
