Grandma's Attic
a kitten with angel wings?17 total reviews
Comment from Changeisgood
I love the artwork. The story is well-written and I liked that you put in that the mother's spirit was melancholy, for she isn't with her family. Her isolation comes across strongly so was glad you allowed the cat access to her. That I found very believable. In fact, I found the whole story believable.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2010
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I love the artwork. The story is well-written and I liked that you put in that the mother's spirit was melancholy, for she isn't with her family. Her isolation comes across strongly so was glad you allowed the cat access to her. That I found very believable. In fact, I found the whole story believable.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2010
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Thank you Change...I am very appreciative of your kind review...S.
Comment from koyoga
This is a very touching story about a
mother continuing to watch over her daughter.
This is a beautiful, bittersweet story.
The artwork is also charming.
Good luck to you in the contest.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2010
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This is a very touching story about a
mother continuing to watch over her daughter.
This is a beautiful, bittersweet story.
The artwork is also charming.
Good luck to you in the contest.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2010
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Hi there! Thank you very much!! I appreciate this kind review, it's very encouraging...to keep going...and thank you for mentioning my drawing too!
Comment from seewhatimwritingnow
This was a nice story- but do not see the reference to angels? I assume that Issadora's mother was dead- and a ghost...I also didn't 'get' the reference to the 'Lake' in the front of the house? You don't tell us what is 'unpleasant' about the lake,or the cat wandering off and coming back- Just left a lot to desire here.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2010
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This was a nice story- but do not see the reference to angels? I assume that Issadora's mother was dead- and a ghost...I also didn't 'get' the reference to the 'Lake' in the front of the house? You don't tell us what is 'unpleasant' about the lake,or the cat wandering off and coming back- Just left a lot to desire here.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2010
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Hi there...I agree, I omitted the part about the lake, and with the cat, well he went off to "talk" to Izzies Mother? I am sorry you didn't like this, I do appreciate your review tho! It is helpful!!
Comment from animatqua
What a sweet story. I'm always touched by stories about angel mothers watching over their children. The guardian cat was also a nice touch.
Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2010
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What a sweet story. I'm always touched by stories about angel mothers watching over their children. The guardian cat was also a nice touch.
Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 23-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2010
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Hi there! Thank you for an encouraging and kind review! I omitted the lake part, it seemed out of place,? so, thank you so much for reading and reviewing!!
Comment from forestport12
I thought this to be well written. The composition and flow seemed on target. It just didn't move me. I'm not sure if it needed a tad more intensity? I know the animal lost should have delivered an emotional impact for me. The ending was cool.
I try to keep my promises to write back. I had to get time. I'm just a working stiff, and lately I've had several jobs to do. I'm not good with mechanic's, I get tagged all the time for not self editing enough. "Emotional impact for the story?" Perhaps more intensity with the little girl's first scene in the attic, perhaps lead us to believe there could be danger, a bad ghost, and not an angel? That would get everyone's attention, and be more of a surprise at the end. Just a suggestion, and I don't feel very qualified for anything, so I will say I'm a reader with an appetite to read new things.
Blessings
Stan
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2010
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I thought this to be well written. The composition and flow seemed on target. It just didn't move me. I'm not sure if it needed a tad more intensity? I know the animal lost should have delivered an emotional impact for me. The ending was cool.
I try to keep my promises to write back. I had to get time. I'm just a working stiff, and lately I've had several jobs to do. I'm not good with mechanic's, I get tagged all the time for not self editing enough. "Emotional impact for the story?" Perhaps more intensity with the little girl's first scene in the attic, perhaps lead us to believe there could be danger, a bad ghost, and not an angel? That would get everyone's attention, and be more of a surprise at the end. Just a suggestion, and I don't feel very qualified for anything, so I will say I'm a reader with an appetite to read new things.
Blessings
Stan
Comment Written 23-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2010
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I thank you Forest! Please, if you have time, tell me more of what I can do to make this better? I really do appreciate your time and this kind review!
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The story and intrigues me and I should study it closer. symbolism too? I need to reat a bit. For me in the real world its been a long day.
Comment from RazberryBullet
A curious name for the little girl. Babushka is the Russian word for Grandmother. Liked the idea of the child's mother watching her daughter :)
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2010
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A curious name for the little girl. Babushka is the Russian word for Grandmother. Liked the idea of the child's mother watching her daughter :)
Comment Written 09-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2010
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So, I did get it backwards. I should have researched more. Thank you very much, and I will amend this somehow! You are a great help, and thank you for the kind review too!!
Comment from K. L. Bauman
I think this could be a good story, but I found it a little confusing. I'm assuming the little girl is dead? But her kitten is now a cat and told the mother that the little girl is okay? Sorry, I'm probably missing the whole point of the story. Maybe make a few more clarifying details, show a little more what happened. Otherwise, I didn't notice any spags.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2010
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I think this could be a good story, but I found it a little confusing. I'm assuming the little girl is dead? But her kitten is now a cat and told the mother that the little girl is okay? Sorry, I'm probably missing the whole point of the story. Maybe make a few more clarifying details, show a little more what happened. Otherwise, I didn't notice any spags.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2010
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Hi there! I will see if I can amend this somehow. I appreciate your help and time to let me know my shortcomings too! Thank you.
Comment from 1ClosetWriter
The art work you selected fits perfectly with your story. Initially I struggled with the transition from the attic to the little girl. You brought it all back together at the end. This is a good story. Good luck on the contest!
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2010
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The art work you selected fits perfectly with your story. Initially I struggled with the transition from the attic to the little girl. You brought it all back together at the end. This is a good story. Good luck on the contest!
Comment Written 09-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2010
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Hi there! If you have suggestions for improvement don't hesitate to tell me. Thank you so much for a wonderful review, and your time for me!!!
Comment from bowls
What a lovely little story! I enjoyed it from beginning to end. Your narrative style is excellent and the dialogue is pleasant. The touch of the supernatural at the end gives the entire piece a satisfying ending. Just two little errors:(around the middle) IT'S bright rays should be ITS bright rays and IT'S shore should be ITS shore.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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What a lovely little story! I enjoyed it from beginning to end. Your narrative style is excellent and the dialogue is pleasant. The touch of the supernatural at the end gives the entire piece a satisfying ending. Just two little errors:(around the middle) IT'S bright rays should be ITS bright rays and IT'S shore should be ITS shore.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Hi there Fausto!! And thank you so much for this help and very wonderful rating too! I will fix!! ")
Comment from krprice
Her melancholy. . . show...father tripped. . . mother sat. . .
What was it. . .house (delete that and Comma)
Too little happening.
Needs a transition here. The little girl gathered. . .cat, named Peepers,. . .
"Come, Peeprs. . .its brights rays.
Run this through a grammar checker. Too many apostrophes where they shouldn't be.
"Grandmama. . .POV change. Keep in same POV for story.
The main character should change and the little girl didn't.
Interesting story,
Karlene
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Her melancholy. . . show...father tripped. . . mother sat. . .
What was it. . .house (delete that and Comma)
Too little happening.
Needs a transition here. The little girl gathered. . .cat, named Peepers,. . .
"Come, Peeprs. . .its brights rays.
Run this through a grammar checker. Too many apostrophes where they shouldn't be.
"Grandmama. . .POV change. Keep in same POV for story.
The main character should change and the little girl didn't.
Interesting story,
Karlene
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Thank you!
