Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Chapter 4 part two"Can love survive small town gossip?
78 total reviews
Comment from ulster3
Hello Barbara.
I love this romance. This chapter continues to hold the reader very well. It moves, and the conversation sounds very real. I'd think Joe was a smooth talker if he was talking to me, but probably not when I was younger. EXCELLENT write.
Fondly, Rebecca
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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Hello Barbara.
I love this romance. This chapter continues to hold the reader very well. It moves, and the conversation sounds very real. I'd think Joe was a smooth talker if he was talking to me, but probably not when I was younger. EXCELLENT write.
Fondly, Rebecca
Comment Written 06-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and continued support. I appreciate both.
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My pleasure!
Comment from Ann Smith
Barbara this part of the story is beautifully told and the words flowed easily. The details allowed me to see Joe and Sara sitting on the bluff. I also liked the detail of Joe showing Sara the photo. All of these little details help us to understand the events that led up to this moment. I hope you are feeling better today. :) ann
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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Barbara this part of the story is beautifully told and the words flowed easily. The details allowed me to see Joe and Sara sitting on the bluff. I also liked the detail of Joe showing Sara the photo. All of these little details help us to understand the events that led up to this moment. I hope you are feeling better today. :) ann
Comment Written 06-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from patmedium
Barbara ... Learn to acknowledge your limitations, missy!
You are not firing on all engines just now! I am rushed off my feet at the moment ... Watched ten or so messages fall into the abyss off the back of my mountain today. Gotta go now... I can't let myself worry about it and I WON'T worry about it! You do the same, please. LOL. xxxxxx
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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Barbara ... Learn to acknowledge your limitations, missy!
You are not firing on all engines just now! I am rushed off my feet at the moment ... Watched ten or so messages fall into the abyss off the back of my mountain today. Gotta go now... I can't let myself worry about it and I WON'T worry about it! You do the same, please. LOL. xxxxxx
Comment Written 06-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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Thank you for taking time to review me. I appreciate it. I will be e-mailing you later.
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Sorry, dear ... just realised I answered your worry at the end of the notes instead of writing my comments on your section!
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PS I am home for the rest of today, clearing my message box. xxx
Comment from dportwood
barbara.wilkey,
Very well written and easy reading. You put the reader at ease and make him feel at home with the story. I saw nothing to suggest for edits.
Duane
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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barbara.wilkey,
Very well written and easy reading. You put the reader at ease and make him feel at home with the story. I saw nothing to suggest for edits.
Duane
Comment Written 06-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and support.
Comment from Helen Tan
Barbara, I read your author's notes. Please take care of yourself, rest more. =D
After he nodded,
After she nodded,
After the movie,
After smoothing out a wrinkle in the blanket
After passing the photos,
I read this chapter aloud twice and noted nothing major except in the first half if this, you started these sentences with "After". Some were placed quite close together so when you're well, you might want to look at these again. It's minor and also possibly just me.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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Barbara, I read your author's notes. Please take care of yourself, rest more. =D
After he nodded,
After she nodded,
After the movie,
After smoothing out a wrinkle in the blanket
After passing the photos,
I read this chapter aloud twice and noted nothing major except in the first half if this, you started these sentences with "After". Some were placed quite close together so when you're well, you might want to look at these again. It's minor and also possibly just me.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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I will take care of the 'after' problem. I was trying not start the sentences with, he or she, so I guess after became my favorite word.
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I know this tendency well. Stay strong. =D
Comment from RazberryBullet
Got a chuckle here: His eyes twinkle when he grins. That's not fair. ;p
Liked these lines: I'm not going to let you break my heart.
"Come here." He pulled her closer to him and kissed her. "I'm not going to break your heart.--Joe's a mind reader!
Well done!
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2010
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Got a chuckle here: His eyes twinkle when he grins. That's not fair. ;p
Liked these lines: I'm not going to let you break my heart.
"Come here." He pulled her closer to him and kissed her. "I'm not going to break your heart.--Joe's a mind reader!
Well done!
Comment Written 05-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and I am glad you liked those lines. I almost didn't use them.
Comment from Jetco
You are right I would have to begin at chapter one of this book to understand the motivations. I did understand that Sara was hurt in the past by some Cad and she is concerned about letting heart go completely over to Joe because of the past hurt. The punctuation was right on and the words flowed fast. This would probably be a good read for a Harlequin fan.
Jim
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2010
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You are right I would have to begin at chapter one of this book to understand the motivations. I did understand that Sara was hurt in the past by some Cad and she is concerned about letting heart go completely over to Joe because of the past hurt. The punctuation was right on and the words flowed fast. This would probably be a good read for a Harlequin fan.
Jim
Comment Written 05-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2010
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It's definitely a romance, but as it goes on, a small subplot of suspense will enter into play.
Comment from Jonez08
Hi Barbara another sweet chapter for the duo. I'm really enjoying these two. My only suggestion would be watch how much of their inner thoughts are done through first person. It can be distracting when your story is in third person. Occasionally, it's okay. Take it easy, Fanstory isn't going anywhere. I'll review no matter how far the chapters are spaced out. Take care my friend.
Joe helped her from the car(,) before he removed a small cooler and a blanket from the back seat.
(no comma needed)
He chuckled before he continued(;)
(I think a comma would work better here)
He wiped a strand of hair from her cheek and then used his (fingers to highlight confessed.)
(I didn't understand what you meant)
I feel so comfortable with you, but I'd better be careful. I've already proven I don't make good decisions where men are concerned. I can't afford another mistake.
(consider narrating this through her thoughts in the third person. Too much first person can be distracting because it requires the reader to go from she to I or he to I)
Cassandra
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2010
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Hi Barbara another sweet chapter for the duo. I'm really enjoying these two. My only suggestion would be watch how much of their inner thoughts are done through first person. It can be distracting when your story is in third person. Occasionally, it's okay. Take it easy, Fanstory isn't going anywhere. I'll review no matter how far the chapters are spaced out. Take care my friend.
Joe helped her from the car(,) before he removed a small cooler and a blanket from the back seat.
(no comma needed)
He chuckled before he continued(;)
(I think a comma would work better here)
He wiped a strand of hair from her cheek and then used his (fingers to highlight confessed.)
(I didn't understand what you meant)
I feel so comfortable with you, but I'd better be careful. I've already proven I don't make good decisions where men are concerned. I can't afford another mistake.
(consider narrating this through her thoughts in the third person. Too much first person can be distracting because it requires the reader to go from she to I or he to I)
Cassandra
Comment Written 05-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2010
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I will recheck those areas. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from It is me 59
Reads like a true life romance and you do wonder where the insight comes from for the almost perfect details and dialogue. The pace is very good so that you're not left wondering too long about Joe's intention.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2010
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Reads like a true life romance and you do wonder where the insight comes from for the almost perfect details and dialogue. The pace is very good so that you're not left wondering too long about Joe's intention.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
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My pleasure.
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
I like how you are developing the story, as you show us how they are each feeling in different situations.
For me, this is a particularly good section as I could almost feel the emotions they were feeling and see what they were seeing. I also like Joe's confessions of how Matt encouraged him to change his attitude to women in particular.
Juliette
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2010
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I like how you are developing the story, as you show us how they are each feeling in different situations.
For me, this is a particularly good section as I could almost feel the emotions they were feeling and see what they were seeing. I also like Joe's confessions of how Matt encouraged him to change his attitude to women in particular.
Juliette
Comment Written 05-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
