Comment from Adri7enne

Excellent

So, maybe Allen was a sleeze ball and deserved to be mugged.
Oh, Christmas is starting to get to her. This could get pretty exciting. I am reading with anticipation. Lead on, Maestro. LOL!

 Comment Written 26-Jul-2010

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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2010

Thanks. Glad it's working still

Comment from fishcantswim

Excellent

Excellent writing - a really enjoyable read.

All the speech feels natural and flows well.

The chapter develops at a good pace.

Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 26-Jul-2010

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reply by the author on 26-Jul-2010

No, thank you for reading. I'm glad you enjoyed it

Comment from Nerdette

Excellent

This is the first chapter that I have read so far, and it was fairly decent because I was interested in it and was able to read it all the way through. Sometimes it is difficult to do that with stories you randomly jump into. But yours was well written, so (: It made it very very very easy.

"Let him go!" she screamed. "What are you doing? Let him go. You're killing him."

I would put exclamation marks on the last two sentences, since she is screaming. (:

Everything else was great. There was a balance between the dialogue and descriptive details, so that you could get a visual of the scene. I especially liked how the characters interacted and their relationship with eachother. It was pretty humorous about the mugging and the "picking" his pocket. lol.

 Comment Written 26-Jul-2010

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reply by the author on 26-Jul-2010

Thank you. I'm always wary of using too many exclamation marks. Too many are a sign of a deranged mind, along with manic laughing. hahaha!!!!!!!!

I'm glad you liked it

Comment from Sarah_Goldwell

Excellent

This is a another well written chapter, it flows well as always and the dialogue and the characters are both natural and realistic

 Comment Written 26-Jul-2010

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reply by the author on 26-Jul-2010

Thank you.