Comment from Daylok

Excellent

Very good work here! I liked it was very easy to read flowed nice. I thought the characters were good too. I love a good end with hope and new beginnings!! -Daylok

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2010

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reply by the author on 28-Jul-2010

Hi Day! Thank you! What a kind and welcome review! I'm very happy you liked this! Thank you again!! ") Susan

reply by Daylok on 28-Jul-2010

You're very welcome.

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

opulance gone wild - opulence
I'm sorry to hear that, Gary - add comma for direct address
there are also a few other places where you leave out the comma in direct address. You should separate what a person says to someone else from that person's name - I love you, Mom. John, please come here.
That is quite the surprise ending - sure gets one wondering why the gift is in cash - maybe this guy is a drug lord, huh? :-) You do a great job of getting inside Gary's mind as he worries about his wife and the unfairness of our society. Brooke

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2010

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reply by the author on 28-Jul-2010

Hi Brooke! Thank you very much! I have gone and corrected my boo-boos..hopefully. SO much to learn, and remember. I love hearing from you and hope you are having a great day! Susan

Comment from Belinda

Excellent

Hi, Realist. This is so good, and the message is clear: don't judge a book by its cover. And you have written it so touchingly. Good job, great ending.

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2010

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reply by the author on 28-Jul-2010

Hi Belinda! Thank you very much! I am happy to hear from you, and really do appreciate this wonderful review that you took time to write for me! Hugs! Susan

Comment from Isaiah Ramesses

Excellent

Wow! This was a great story, Susan. I hope you're keeping your head up. Your words were really artful throughout. I loved how you described the tearful ending. One thing caught my attention:

And now he felt like he and Anna were out of options.>>the "and isn't really necessary, or you can just merge it with the sentence before it.

Overall, great storytelling.

Isaiah Ramesses

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2010

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reply by the author on 28-Jul-2010

Hi there Isaiah! Thank you, I will re-read and see if I can find this and fix! I have much to learn and remember. I hope you and yours are having a great day!! Susan

Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

this is very well written with good form, good flow, good storyline that was written with so much emotion, it made me want to cry right along with him and the ending was great

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2010

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reply by the author on 28-Jul-2010

Hi there Sweet! Thank you very much! I am glad you liked this, and for your time to review for me too! I really appreciate! Hugs, Susan

Comment from marcii

Excellent

The world would be a better place if more people card for others and helped in any way that they could. In this case it was money but one can help each other in many different ways, even just being their for another is a good thing.
A very nice story that I enjoyed reading.
One thing did you mean his stomach roiled or was that meant to be rolled.
Marcii

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2010

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reply by the author on 28-Jul-2010

Hi there! I meant roiled, don't know if that is right, but it was on purpose! ") Thank you for pointing it out tho! I do appreciate all hints and suggestions! It's great to hear from you, thank you again!! ") Susan

Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas

Excellent

A really powerful write, i enjoyed it, The style is superb and the narration was my favorite. the way you paid attention to the details was real good.

K

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2010

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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2010

hi K! A real joy to hear from you! Thank you. This is an experiment in learning! ha. I have a long way to go. I really appreciate your thoughts and kind rating too! Smiles, Susan