My Book of Favored Sonnets
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Eternity Beckoned"My collection of various sonnets.
30 total reviews
Comment from forestport12
I like the flow and the message, and how through the old world of words you made them make sense for rookie poet's like me.
I wish you success.The third stanza stood out for me as powerful, and memorable.
Thanks for the vivid portrayal
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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I like the flow and the message, and how through the old world of words you made them make sense for rookie poet's like me.
I wish you success.The third stanza stood out for me as powerful, and memorable.
Thanks for the vivid portrayal
Comment Written 25-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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Thank you so much I really appreciate your time to read and review.
Comment from Rasp E
I think you truly capture the spirit of the sonnet with this. I'm very, very picky about sonnets - so much so, I don't even write them myself because I don't think I do the form justice. However, you, you have done a fabulous job here. I've seen so many sonnets that meet the form requirements of precision, but just don't have the right soul - this poem does. I do hope you win the contest.
Erica
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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I think you truly capture the spirit of the sonnet with this. I'm very, very picky about sonnets - so much so, I don't even write them myself because I don't think I do the form justice. However, you, you have done a fabulous job here. I've seen so many sonnets that meet the form requirements of precision, but just don't have the right soul - this poem does. I do hope you win the contest.
Erica
Comment Written 25-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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I am truly touched by your comments and rating. To feel the poem has always been more important to me than form, I am so touched that you felt this one, that is the greatest compliment I could ever recieve. Thank you.
Comment from Bellringer
A very good sonnet that follows the requirements of the writing prompt. The iambic pentameter is fairly solid; the lines flow well. Some excellent imagery such as,"star-lit raven skies," "let thy whispers ride the wind," and "a phantom lover in a scriber's tune." A very touching tribute to a member of the Fanstory family who is missed. Regards, Hector
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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A very good sonnet that follows the requirements of the writing prompt. The iambic pentameter is fairly solid; the lines flow well. Some excellent imagery such as,"star-lit raven skies," "let thy whispers ride the wind," and "a phantom lover in a scriber's tune." A very touching tribute to a member of the Fanstory family who is missed. Regards, Hector
Comment Written 25-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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yes, Mike, will be forever missed by those who knew him well. thank you so much for taking the time to read and review.
Comment from Colin Douglas
Oh, this will be a terribly difficult contest to judge. Your words are beautiful and make a wonderful tribute poem.
Right from the first line, you catch my attention:
Thy mem'ries dance on star-lit raven skies.
Just a small thing with this line:
"I'll meet thee, friend, when life He doth rescind" "Doth" is kind of an obsolete word, and sounds a bit pretentious. It masks the fact, that you want to say "does," which is a filler word, necessary to the meter but not to the meaning. I would reword this if you can. But at least change it to "does."
No important issues, though. Good job, overall.
Keep writing and good luck.
Colin
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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Oh, this will be a terribly difficult contest to judge. Your words are beautiful and make a wonderful tribute poem.
Right from the first line, you catch my attention:
Thy mem'ries dance on star-lit raven skies.
Just a small thing with this line:
"I'll meet thee, friend, when life He doth rescind" "Doth" is kind of an obsolete word, and sounds a bit pretentious. It masks the fact, that you want to say "does," which is a filler word, necessary to the meter but not to the meaning. I would reword this if you can. But at least change it to "does."
No important issues, though. Good job, overall.
Keep writing and good luck.
Colin
Comment Written 25-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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Doth is actually part of the old English that Mike loved so much, and I agree it will be a hard contest to just. I appreciate your kindness in review, it is very much appreciated.
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Did he? I'm not sure I saw him use it. I would have called him on it, if I did. (laughter) You still won me over enough to get a five, though.
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true, and I do thank you for that five!!!
Comment from lgm859
Very nice and interesting poem. Nicely written, good flow and choice of words.
Imporvements: None.
Good job. Keep writing 'em and I will keep reading 'em.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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Very nice and interesting poem. Nicely written, good flow and choice of words.
Imporvements: None.
Good job. Keep writing 'em and I will keep reading 'em.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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thank you so much for taking the time to read and review.
Comment from zoocq
What a beautiful tribute to Michael. It is a love song and a mournful soul's cry. It is toughing and just so well composed and formed. Thank you.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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What a beautiful tribute to Michael. It is a love song and a mournful soul's cry. It is toughing and just so well composed and formed. Thank you.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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and thank you for taking the time to read and review.
Comment from hotstuff
What a heartfelt tribute to your friend. Your sonnet is superbly written and is very moving. It follows the tradition of love, life and philosophy you describe in your Author notes perfectly as it encompasses all three in my opinion. A poem that I am sure will be a strong contender in the competition. Good luck.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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What a heartfelt tribute to your friend. Your sonnet is superbly written and is very moving. It follows the tradition of love, life and philosophy you describe in your Author notes perfectly as it encompasses all three in my opinion. A poem that I am sure will be a strong contender in the competition. Good luck.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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Thank you so much for the wonderful words of review, they are very much appreciated.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form, good flow, good meter, a beautiful picture, a poem filled with the emotion and imagery he liked to write about, i wish you well in the contest
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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this is very well written with good form, good flow, good meter, a beautiful picture, a poem filled with the emotion and imagery he liked to write about, i wish you well in the contest
Comment Written 25-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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thank you so much, truly appreciated.
Comment from snow leopard
Yes, it did take me back to Shakespeare's time. Love the rhythm. the words are full of imagery. Like:
Thy memories dance through star-lit raven skies
and while crying to the midnight moon
Which I liked very much. Truly an inspiration.
The picture was an excellent match.
Thank you.
Best regards,
Vicki
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reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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Yes, it did take me back to Shakespeare's time. Love the rhythm. the words are full of imagery. Like:
Thy memories dance through star-lit raven skies
and while crying to the midnight moon
Which I liked very much. Truly an inspiration.
The picture was an excellent match.
Thank you.
Best regards,
Vicki
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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thank you so much Vicki, I truly appreciate your time to read and review.
Comment from sgalletti
Hi! I've been looking forward to reading your entry as I know how close you were to Michael. Than you so much for entering this contest and joining all of us to commemorate Michael's writing. You did, indeed capture Michael's love for the "old world tone" in this piece. Rhyme is very good and the iambic is excellent EXCEPT in the first line. You have eleven syllables and two stressed syllables side by side (through star). You could fix easily by eliminating "star" and say "lit raven skies" or "the raven skies". You may have a different idea. But, that line needs to be edited. Best of luck in the contest...I am thrilled with the entries and the talent of the writers...yours and you included. Sue
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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Hi! I've been looking forward to reading your entry as I know how close you were to Michael. Than you so much for entering this contest and joining all of us to commemorate Michael's writing. You did, indeed capture Michael's love for the "old world tone" in this piece. Rhyme is very good and the iambic is excellent EXCEPT in the first line. You have eleven syllables and two stressed syllables side by side (through star). You could fix easily by eliminating "star" and say "lit raven skies" or "the raven skies". You may have a different idea. But, that line needs to be edited. Best of luck in the contest...I am thrilled with the entries and the talent of the writers...yours and you included. Sue
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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Ahh that's my rebellious poetic hand daring the reader to automatically read memories and mem'ries versus memories just because the meter dictates it, LOL but I did edit it to show mem'ries that is the wording intended. Thanks again for the contest, it brought much love out for Michael.
