Performance Problems- My Life! LOL
Viewing comments for Chapter 58 "Family Camping"A halarious adventure with misery, but always joy!
5 total reviews
Comment from IndianaIrish
Lots of funny stuff in this chapter, Mike. I enjoyed your adventures and you sure had all kinds of fun things happening to you.
Here's some stuff to look after...
This (was)is one of the times the troop was fully functional
principles (were)are placed on the boys
adults that (were)are involved,
new era to hit the troop, (involving)the women
There (was)is no escaping the looks
who (had)do have female assistant scoutmasters, I(was) have been less than impressed
While there (were)are times, this may (have been)be necessary
too often I (saw)have seen how it (changed)does change the program when female assistant scoutmasters (were)are present
(reword this Mike)We no sooner had one of us said
when the (moms)mom's dropped the bombshell
and (will)stay out of your program
on their own and do what they (like)life.
(delete one of these 'for me")For me it was ideal for me to
how he (was)is carrying a bow saw.
cumbersome position of answering (delete this it)it,
(They're)There beating the hell out each other
but I could('t) find the scouts
comparisons between himself and the (horse)horse's.
Not if you're (lucky??)luckily
was the charm (but)and at least didn't involve
I was the (closest)closet adult
did it (ever)every dawn on you
(delete one of these 'at least')At least look on the bright side, at lease
(reword this sentence, Mike. It's confusing) I knew I was one of those, that boy, but I now knew there are, those adults, who seem to be karmatically picked on.
two mothers wanted me to (take)talk their girls on a hike, so they (could)can set up
(They're)There competing for my attention!
I suddenly (had)head the handle on a hand grenade
tell Mom that you would(n't) let me go
(Knowing full well)Full well knowing I (had)have to pass through camp first. I put her hand in mine (and)as started the trek
I (had)have seen what (had)has happened to so many people who I would have liked to (?? missing something here)with
(They're)There fucking, but Mr. Mike doesn't like that word
gifted with understanding (women)woman
my(butt)but hit the bottom
adult men who grabbed (me).
I didn't see getting there was (going)gone to be very fun
tropical depression that (was)is supposed
His brother (said that's)says that what
the second the rain stopped, the (sun??)rain came out
and (was overcome)overcame with the feeling that there would be bears
Brian and (I)me
I went to the camp(')s headquarters
(they'd)they'll get back to me
safer (than)then you camping up there
provided me (delete of)of plenty of amusement
Smiles,
Karyn :>)
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2010
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Lots of funny stuff in this chapter, Mike. I enjoyed your adventures and you sure had all kinds of fun things happening to you.
Here's some stuff to look after...
This (was)is one of the times the troop was fully functional
principles (were)are placed on the boys
adults that (were)are involved,
new era to hit the troop, (involving)the women
There (was)is no escaping the looks
who (had)do have female assistant scoutmasters, I(was) have been less than impressed
While there (were)are times, this may (have been)be necessary
too often I (saw)have seen how it (changed)does change the program when female assistant scoutmasters (were)are present
(reword this Mike)We no sooner had one of us said
when the (moms)mom's dropped the bombshell
and (will)stay out of your program
on their own and do what they (like)life.
(delete one of these 'for me")For me it was ideal for me to
how he (was)is carrying a bow saw.
cumbersome position of answering (delete this it)it,
(They're)There beating the hell out each other
but I could('t) find the scouts
comparisons between himself and the (horse)horse's.
Not if you're (lucky??)luckily
was the charm (but)and at least didn't involve
I was the (closest)closet adult
did it (ever)every dawn on you
(delete one of these 'at least')At least look on the bright side, at lease
(reword this sentence, Mike. It's confusing) I knew I was one of those, that boy, but I now knew there are, those adults, who seem to be karmatically picked on.
two mothers wanted me to (take)talk their girls on a hike, so they (could)can set up
(They're)There competing for my attention!
I suddenly (had)head the handle on a hand grenade
tell Mom that you would(n't) let me go
(Knowing full well)Full well knowing I (had)have to pass through camp first. I put her hand in mine (and)as started the trek
I (had)have seen what (had)has happened to so many people who I would have liked to (?? missing something here)with
(They're)There fucking, but Mr. Mike doesn't like that word
gifted with understanding (women)woman
my(butt)but hit the bottom
adult men who grabbed (me).
I didn't see getting there was (going)gone to be very fun
tropical depression that (was)is supposed
His brother (said that's)says that what
the second the rain stopped, the (sun??)rain came out
and (was overcome)overcame with the feeling that there would be bears
Brian and (I)me
I went to the camp(')s headquarters
(they'd)they'll get back to me
safer (than)then you camping up there
provided me (delete of)of plenty of amusement
Smiles,
Karyn :>)
Comment Written 26-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2010
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Wow! What a great job that you did picking all of this out, I have made most of the changes and if I didn't they still needed to be altered in some way. I thank you very much for taking the time for pointing out these errors, the compliments and this review. Mike
Comment from NJTink
To be honest, this is the longest piece that I have read at FS and it was awesome. I liked the addition of the comical and serious mixed in. To me this felt like you wrote a journal. This sure did not give me the impression of fiction but of reconciliations Ha I read up and seen that it was non-fiction and multiple chapters. I look forward to reading more as it was very interesting and entertaining.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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To be honest, this is the longest piece that I have read at FS and it was awesome. I liked the addition of the comical and serious mixed in. To me this felt like you wrote a journal. This sure did not give me the impression of fiction but of reconciliations Ha I read up and seen that it was non-fiction and multiple chapters. I look forward to reading more as it was very interesting and entertaining.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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I am reconciled annd pleased that you looked at how this chapter fits in. LOL I know the effect of length here, but with it seemingly being unavoidable, I look for clues that it does hold the readers attention. I appreciate this review and thank you for it very much. Mike
Comment from RKagan
Mr Mike I named him boner? I had to laugh, that line cracked me up. This is well written, I enjoyed reading it. I can see why you needed the length
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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Mr Mike I named him boner? I had to laugh, that line cracked me up. This is well written, I enjoyed reading it. I can see why you needed the length
Comment Written 25-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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I didn't laugh when he said it, for I was also that boy and knew somewhere along the line, there was going to be a lesson in it for him. While many things aren't humorous at the time, it eventually shines through and makes for a great vehicle to convery a more serious nature or point. I thank you very much for reviewing and enjoying my work. Mike
Comment from Mª Luisa López Pisú
History typefully completely.
Trantesvery much. For your historyspecial forme. You enjorymy, very of crear language fictiłn my.
God bless you. Din¡mica
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History typefully completely.
Trantesvery much. For your historyspecial forme. You enjorymy, very of crear language fictiłn my.
God bless you. Din¡mica
Comment Written 25-Jul-2010
Comment from Cheryle Rene
There is a lot of information here, and interesting as well. Unfortunately, there seemed to be several typos and grammar issues. I would suggest another look to correct them. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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There is a lot of information here, and interesting as well. Unfortunately, there seemed to be several typos and grammar issues. I would suggest another look to correct them. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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Typos are my weak point, but eventually they will be noted and fixed. While I always take another look, somethimes it helps to have certain reviewers take a look and offer to correct them. People who always take the time are rewarded. Thank you for reviewing this. Mike
