Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen

Excellent

This is my first visit to your book. It looks interesting, but writing reviews is quite a chore for me, so I don't review things that only pay 1-2.


As casually as she could[,] she scanned the bar. --
Short introductory phrases don't require commas, but it's recommended that you use one for anything over four words.

She hadn't seen it, but he'd probably parked it up the road[, (The next part is incomplete sentence. Best to attach it.) u]nless he wasn't here at all. She'd make him suffer

Laura marked him down for [a] sense of humour.

Tuck you away with the[no comma (I she's pausing here, use --)]] the freaks, I mean.

Roberta

 Comment Written 25-Jul-2010

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reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010

Thanks. I'm glad you found the chore interesting ;)

Comment from Adri7enne

Excellent

Fun chapter, snod. I like your characters. Someone's getting pretty rough, though, hitting poor Allen a blow to the face. Guess you've got do what you gotta do, huh?
Fun stuff. Didn't spot any spag.

 Comment Written 25-Jul-2010

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reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010

Thanks. I think Allen deserved it. Glad you're still having fun