Audition
Girard always wanted to be an actor113 total reviews
Comment from missy98writer
Writer,
you 100 word dash is freaking funny. I bet the language police arrested you for this piece. I loved it! This is a cleaver write. I loved the fact you used Smurphgirl's art work. Cheeky humor. Marvelous narrative and awesome dialogue in my opinion. I loved the lines:
"Remember now," said the director of the Napoleonic drama. "Your cue is the cannon going off, stage left. Then you say: 'Hark! Is that a cannon I hear?' "That's it. You'll be fine, Jerry."
When the cannon roared, Girard quickly snapped his head to the side and blurted, "What the f*ck was that?"
I be this one winds the writing prompt contest. I'm laughing my ass off. You're f*cking funny!
Missy.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2010
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Writer,
you 100 word dash is freaking funny. I bet the language police arrested you for this piece. I loved it! This is a cleaver write. I loved the fact you used Smurphgirl's art work. Cheeky humor. Marvelous narrative and awesome dialogue in my opinion. I loved the lines:
"Remember now," said the director of the Napoleonic drama. "Your cue is the cannon going off, stage left. Then you say: 'Hark! Is that a cannon I hear?' "That's it. You'll be fine, Jerry."
When the cannon roared, Girard quickly snapped his head to the side and blurted, "What the f*ck was that?"
I be this one winds the writing prompt contest. I'm laughing my ass off. You're f*cking funny!
Missy.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2010
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Thanks so much, Missy.. I truly appreciate your note. Bob
Comment from vickib
Okay stop me from falling out of the chair laughing. I just finished a flash fiction class - need to take it again though, LOL. I'd say this is a winner. This is just so, so dammed cute and funny. XO Vicki
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2010
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Okay stop me from falling out of the chair laughing. I just finished a flash fiction class - need to take it again though, LOL. I'd say this is a winner. This is just so, so dammed cute and funny. XO Vicki
Comment Written 19-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2010
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Thanks so much, Vicki. I really appreciate your review. Glad you liked it.
Comment from Border Reiver
Hello,
I'm rate each of the entries based on the contest guidelines.
All stories must have:
A main character, yes, you have Girard.
Setting, yes, a theatre.
Conflict, this is actually not that clear. Could it be that he has stage fright?
Resolution, this isn't clear.
This is written in exactly 100 words, well done. Your author's notes help to explain the conflict within the story. However, ideally this should be clear.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2010
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Hello,
I'm rate each of the entries based on the contest guidelines.
All stories must have:
A main character, yes, you have Girard.
Setting, yes, a theatre.
Conflict, this is actually not that clear. Could it be that he has stage fright?
Resolution, this isn't clear.
This is written in exactly 100 words, well done. Your author's notes help to explain the conflict within the story. However, ideally this should be clear.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2010
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Thank you, Border Reiver. I appreciate your analysis very much...
Comment from judelesemann
I really like this but was turned off by the offensive language at the end. Would have been just as funny, far more acceptable, without the f___!
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2010
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I really like this but was turned off by the offensive language at the end. Would have been just as funny, far more acceptable, without the f___!
Comment Written 19-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2010
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Sorry you were offended...However, there was a waring posted at the top....You know???
Comment from wierdgrace
what a great story, in one hundred words, and from the start to the end, was great, no errors andn o revision, I wish you luck in the contest, this is great.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2010
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what a great story, in one hundred words, and from the start to the end, was great, no errors andn o revision, I wish you luck in the contest, this is great.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2010
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Thanks so much, gracie...I am glad you liked it....
Comment from DrCarter2001
Hehehe the ending is really quite funny. Nice use of description--I like the dead pekinese. I'm a little confused, though--did he have cancer or was he just so nervous he looked like he did? I know you only have 100 words, but maybe you can show his nervousness instead of just using adjectives?
He appeared to be in the grim stages of chemotherapy--shaking hands and dilated pupils.
I think you have an extra quotation mark here: Then you say: 'Hark! Is that a cannon I hear?' (")That's it. You'll be fine, Jerry." --At least, I believe this is still the director speaking, correct?
You don't need the adverb "quickly"; by definition, a snapping movement is quick. You also don't need the dialogue tag: When the cannon roared, Girard's head snapped to the side. "What the fuck was that?"
Good luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2010
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Hehehe the ending is really quite funny. Nice use of description--I like the dead pekinese. I'm a little confused, though--did he have cancer or was he just so nervous he looked like he did? I know you only have 100 words, but maybe you can show his nervousness instead of just using adjectives?
He appeared to be in the grim stages of chemotherapy--shaking hands and dilated pupils.
I think you have an extra quotation mark here: Then you say: 'Hark! Is that a cannon I hear?' (")That's it. You'll be fine, Jerry." --At least, I believe this is still the director speaking, correct?
You don't need the adverb "quickly"; by definition, a snapping movement is quick. You also don't need the dialogue tag: When the cannon roared, Girard's head snapped to the side. "What the fuck was that?"
Good luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2010
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Thanks
Comment from anabelle
LOL! Really good story. Some lines just can't be learned properly. I loved the humor.
Best of luck in the contest, and thanks for the chuckle.
Regards,
anabelle
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2010
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LOL! Really good story. Some lines just can't be learned properly. I loved the humor.
Best of luck in the contest, and thanks for the chuckle.
Regards,
anabelle
Comment Written 19-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2010
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And thank you, Anabelle for your review. Glad you liked this one.
Comment from Monte Carbolic
Extremely funny piece. Packs a real punch, despite being a work of flash fiction. Good luck in the contest. You have my vote.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2010
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Extremely funny piece. Packs a real punch, despite being a work of flash fiction. Good luck in the contest. You have my vote.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2010
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Thanks so much, Monte. Welcome aboard Fanstory!
Comment from ryanlion
excellent beginning and ending, the story flowed and the end was a really good twist, i didn't spot any mistakes, good luck in the competition
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2010
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excellent beginning and ending, the story flowed and the end was a really good twist, i didn't spot any mistakes, good luck in the competition
Comment Written 19-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2010
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Thank you, Ryan. I appreciate your taking the time...glad you enjoyed this one...
Comment from rose42benn
I'm still laughing! I loved the image of the wig in the corner, perfect and the end, well, like I said, I'm still laughing!
rose
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2010
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I'm still laughing! I loved the image of the wig in the corner, perfect and the end, well, like I said, I'm still laughing!
rose
Comment Written 19-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2010
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Thanks so much, Rose. And a special shout out to you fro the wonderful sixth star! Glad you liked this one.
