Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Chapter 3 Part two"Can love survive small town gossip?
80 total reviews
Comment from skychild27
beautiful as always. they are so tender and caring with eachother, which is refreshing to read and envision. the reunion is a place I can tell she doesnt want to be, but we see she's glad she's with him. ginger, though, seems jealous and even interrupts their dance. awkward!!
well done as always!
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2010
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beautiful as always. they are so tender and caring with eachother, which is refreshing to read and envision. the reunion is a place I can tell she doesnt want to be, but we see she's glad she's with him. ginger, though, seems jealous and even interrupts their dance. awkward!!
well done as always!
Comment Written 15-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2010
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I so wish I could reward you for reading these early chapters.
Comment from Helen Tan
The flirting scene and the nail varnish thing served the purpose of giving the interlude to romance. I enjoyed Joe's gentlemanly and protective actions throughout this chapter.
Joe glanced at his watch. It's exactly 1800 hours.
I think "It's exactly 1800 hours" is what Joe is thinking and should be in italic. You have it in present tense so that led me to this conclusion. I think it's smart to have Joe think of time as 1800 rather than six as it stresses his military background.
"I'm a sucker for a man in uniform."
She's not the only one - I swooned when I saw Kevin Costner in "No Way Out" but it was a whole different scene when he appeared in "Dances With Wolves" - the wolves can have him in that show.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2010
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The flirting scene and the nail varnish thing served the purpose of giving the interlude to romance. I enjoyed Joe's gentlemanly and protective actions throughout this chapter.
Joe glanced at his watch. It's exactly 1800 hours.
I think "It's exactly 1800 hours" is what Joe is thinking and should be in italic. You have it in present tense so that led me to this conclusion. I think it's smart to have Joe think of time as 1800 rather than six as it stresses his military background.
"I'm a sucker for a man in uniform."
She's not the only one - I swooned when I saw Kevin Costner in "No Way Out" but it was a whole different scene when he appeared in "Dances With Wolves" - the wolves can have him in that show.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2010
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I agree and made the change. Thank you for pointing it out. I appreciate your continued support.
Comment from afternoonlight
Melting I'm melting! How cool and sweet is that? The tension continues, the writing is tight and the dialogue is smooth and natural just as it should be.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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Melting I'm melting! How cool and sweet is that? The tension continues, the writing is tight and the dialogue is smooth and natural just as it should be.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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I appreciate your review, because I was told not that long ago that I don't bring any conflict or tension into my stories.
Comment from BeautifulLie
Awwh what a sweetie! He's made the night just perfect for her so far. I want a man like that!! Lol. And who cares what these other people think of her? They suck! lol. Wonderful job! Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2010
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Awwh what a sweetie! He's made the night just perfect for her so far. I want a man like that!! Lol. And who cares what these other people think of her? They suck! lol. Wonderful job! Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your review. I am sorry you didn't get to review it when their were still bonus points on it.
Comment from MitchellScott
This was very well told. I enjoyed reading from the first line. Initially I thought it wouldn't hold my attention but you did a great job with the chapter.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2010
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This was very well told. I enjoyed reading from the first line. Initially I thought it wouldn't hold my attention but you did a great job with the chapter.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I'm glad it held your attention.
Comment from jojo1127
I think you are an excellent story teller, I enjoyed this chapter, "Another Pretty Face," and look forward to reading other chapters.
Sometimes romance can be too "sexy," I think romance is better without being too "intimate."
I haven't got around to reading the other chapters of your novel, but I plan to, and judging from the chapter I read, I think I will enjoy it.
Excellent job.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2010
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I think you are an excellent story teller, I enjoyed this chapter, "Another Pretty Face," and look forward to reading other chapters.
Sometimes romance can be too "sexy," I think romance is better without being too "intimate."
I haven't got around to reading the other chapters of your novel, but I plan to, and judging from the chapter I read, I think I will enjoy it.
Excellent job.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2010
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I agree. I think there's a place and time for sex. It's a romance novel not erotica. These two will get together, but the time isn't right. Thank you for your kind review.
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You are welcome.
Comment from athame12
Make it more of an effort for the romance to reach a point of intimacy so obvious. Maybe she is struggling harder with the dress and he casually says "let me help you with that" Then describe the trembling hands with convey his nervousness. Do not let the dialog or their thoughts tell all of the story. The reader wants to feel it for themselves not be told how to feel for this person. When a man is noticing a woman's physique he is not thinking, "I bet she gets quite a workout at the store lifting...things". He's thinking "I want to place my hands slightly inside her dress so I might accidentally touch her skin." but he doesn't even know he's thinking those thoughts though his hormones are, so how do you let the reader feel that moment which is hard for a man to put into words? Again, to avoid being obvious and cliche, have her do something like glance over her shoulder at the crowd of men, then lean into him and trace her fingers over his metals, without looking him in the eye, glance up for a moment and say " I'm sure they are all very jealous of you.".....It's what you don't say that makes a story. Try to be more of an observer than the character themselves. Pretend you can't read their minds.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2010
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Make it more of an effort for the romance to reach a point of intimacy so obvious. Maybe she is struggling harder with the dress and he casually says "let me help you with that" Then describe the trembling hands with convey his nervousness. Do not let the dialog or their thoughts tell all of the story. The reader wants to feel it for themselves not be told how to feel for this person. When a man is noticing a woman's physique he is not thinking, "I bet she gets quite a workout at the store lifting...things". He's thinking "I want to place my hands slightly inside her dress so I might accidentally touch her skin." but he doesn't even know he's thinking those thoughts though his hormones are, so how do you let the reader feel that moment which is hard for a man to put into words? Again, to avoid being obvious and cliche, have her do something like glance over her shoulder at the crowd of men, then lean into him and trace her fingers over his metals, without looking him in the eye, glance up for a moment and say " I'm sure they are all very jealous of you.".....It's what you don't say that makes a story. Try to be more of an observer than the character themselves. Pretend you can't read their minds.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2010
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"Then describe the trembling hands with convey his nervousness." (Joe doesn't have a nervous bone in his body and if you read the previous chapters you would know that.)
Dialogue and thought is the way to show the story. Narrative tells the story. Many of your comments indicate you have not read the previous chapters because you don't understand my characters. I have also noticed you are new to FS. I am inviting you to read my previous reviews. Thank you for the time it took to read my post.
Comment from marcellawachtel
The conversational part of this story is handled very well- it is realistic and believable. The dynamics of watching the deepening affection that is developing between these two is fascinating--
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2010
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The conversational part of this story is handled very well- it is realistic and believable. The dynamics of watching the deepening affection that is developing between these two is fascinating--
Comment Written 21-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate it.
Comment from NadiaScrieva
This was a fun chapter! My favourite line is one that made me smile:
"What Task Force men won't do for the women in their lives?"
I actually had a situation with nailpolish and a man this morning, so I could contrast the amazing niceness of Joe's character with all other men in existence who do not care about helping a woman with her nails but still want her to look good for him! Bah!
Joe is awesome and unreal, but I like it! Great work in using fine details like the nail to "show" his character instead of "telling."
Best wishes,
Nadia
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2010
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This was a fun chapter! My favourite line is one that made me smile:
"What Task Force men won't do for the women in their lives?"
I actually had a situation with nailpolish and a man this morning, so I could contrast the amazing niceness of Joe's character with all other men in existence who do not care about helping a woman with her nails but still want her to look good for him! Bah!
Joe is awesome and unreal, but I like it! Great work in using fine details like the nail to "show" his character instead of "telling."
Best wishes,
Nadia
Comment Written 21-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate your comments.
Comment from jmdg1954
Another good chapter in your book and I am now becoming curious on a few stories... 1) what is Ginger up to? 2) Joe seems to be to perfect at the moment 3) Sara seems to be letting her guard down.... looking forward to the next chapter....
John
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2010
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Another good chapter in your book and I am now becoming curious on a few stories... 1) what is Ginger up to? 2) Joe seems to be to perfect at the moment 3) Sara seems to be letting her guard down.... looking forward to the next chapter....
John
Comment Written 21-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2010
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Joe is not perfect, we shall see that after a few more posts. Ginger, hummm, she does have a motive, and yes Sara is letting her guard down, but will she keep it down. Thank you for your kind review.
