Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Chapter 3 Part One"Can love survive small town gossip?
74 total reviews
Comment from Rama Rao
I've been through the earlier chapters to catch the story in its entirety and find this romantic story moving along in an excellent way. Your hero and heroine are well rounded characters who had committed one or two mistakes in life and are not paragons of virtue.
Of course, writing romantic stories is your forte, and your chapters always make engrossing reading. Needless to say I enjoyed reading every word of the novel so far.
One small doubt- your hero is a colonel to pick up his first star. That should put him in the age group of the second half of forties. When you relate it with his school days, there is a bit of time difference here. I'm not sure of the age army officers pick up their first star in ur country, but it is worth checking up. A younger hero would be more appealing. It's just a thought and not to be construed as criticism.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2010
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I've been through the earlier chapters to catch the story in its entirety and find this romantic story moving along in an excellent way. Your hero and heroine are well rounded characters who had committed one or two mistakes in life and are not paragons of virtue.
Of course, writing romantic stories is your forte, and your chapters always make engrossing reading. Needless to say I enjoyed reading every word of the novel so far.
One small doubt- your hero is a colonel to pick up his first star. That should put him in the age group of the second half of forties. When you relate it with his school days, there is a bit of time difference here. I'm not sure of the age army officers pick up their first star in ur country, but it is worth checking up. A younger hero would be more appealing. It's just a thought and not to be construed as criticism.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2010
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He's into his 40's and he went to Desert Storm after graduation from West Point. That will put him about right. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Nicnac
I feel like a giddy school girl. (And I'm sure Sara does too!) I am in lust and want to see (and read LOL) more about Joe's muscle definition! Yowsie. He's hot. (Mine mine mine!)
The scenes here are easy to picture. I enjoyed the descriptions and the fun and realistic dialogue.
You might look at your opening sentence. Perhaps it's just me, but I stumbled with the wording just a bit.
'Sara opened the front door early the following morning to check the weather...'
Maybe it would flow better if worded:
Early the following morning, Sara opened the front door to check the weather... (jmho)
I look forward to the reunion dance - and the growing sparks between these two...
Fabulous chapter.
Nic
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2010
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I feel like a giddy school girl. (And I'm sure Sara does too!) I am in lust and want to see (and read LOL) more about Joe's muscle definition! Yowsie. He's hot. (Mine mine mine!)
The scenes here are easy to picture. I enjoyed the descriptions and the fun and realistic dialogue.
You might look at your opening sentence. Perhaps it's just me, but I stumbled with the wording just a bit.
'Sara opened the front door early the following morning to check the weather...'
Maybe it would flow better if worded:
Early the following morning, Sara opened the front door to check the weather... (jmho)
I look forward to the reunion dance - and the growing sparks between these two...
Fabulous chapter.
Nic
Comment Written 16-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate your support and your appreciation for Joe's muscles.
Comment from nora arjuna
hi barb, nice bantering around in this chapter. it was a fast and smooth read. maybe just check this:
"Nope, just my fourteen-year-old daughter." Sara answered Cassie, "Nothing's wrong, - the tag's rather awkward. how about:
"Nope, just my fourteen-year-old daughter," Sara muttered, then said to Cassie, "Nothing's wrong,...
just a suggestion.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2010
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hi barb, nice bantering around in this chapter. it was a fast and smooth read. maybe just check this:
"Nope, just my fourteen-year-old daughter." Sara answered Cassie, "Nothing's wrong, - the tag's rather awkward. how about:
"Nope, just my fourteen-year-old daughter," Sara muttered, then said to Cassie, "Nothing's wrong,...
just a suggestion.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your review and I liked your suggestion.
Comment from mtngalofnc
Hi barbara,
Very good chapter. You have set the scene nicely with vivid imagery and your characters come to life and their relationship is developing at a good pace. Your story is interesting and I can't wait to see what happens at the reunion. Looking forward to the next post and thank you for sharing.
Becky
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2010
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Hi barbara,
Very good chapter. You have set the scene nicely with vivid imagery and your characters come to life and their relationship is developing at a good pace. Your story is interesting and I can't wait to see what happens at the reunion. Looking forward to the next post and thank you for sharing.
Becky
Comment Written 16-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from fionageorge
This was an excellent part one to chapter 3. The interactions between the characters very believable, I would say, an honesty writing.
Your use of dialogue is well done, and moves the story forward well, at the same time further reinforces the characters.
An enjoyable read, and I look forward to part 2 of this chapter.
Warmest regards, Marijke
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2010
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This was an excellent part one to chapter 3. The interactions between the characters very believable, I would say, an honesty writing.
Your use of dialogue is well done, and moves the story forward well, at the same time further reinforces the characters.
An enjoyable read, and I look forward to part 2 of this chapter.
Warmest regards, Marijke
Comment Written 16-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate your comment on the dialogue. I just took a huge hit by a reviewer who said he couldn't tell who was speaking.
Comment from Tellis
He seems like a resourseful guy. I think he can work something out with the distance between their homes. I enjoyed reasding this excellent chapter.
Tellis
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2010
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He seems like a resourseful guy. I think he can work something out with the distance between their homes. I enjoyed reasding this excellent chapter.
Tellis
Comment Written 16-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2010
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I bet he can work something out too. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from dportwood
barbara.wilkey,
Well written again in your spagless style. You always take the reader into the midst of the characters and they feel the emotions as they affect those characters. Well done.
Duane
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2010
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barbara.wilkey,
Well written again in your spagless style. You always take the reader into the midst of the characters and they feel the emotions as they affect those characters. Well done.
Duane
Comment Written 16-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Kaladore
I think this is another good short piece in the story. The story is moving along well and the character development is solid. Can't wait to see what happens next.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2010
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I think this is another good short piece in the story. The story is moving along well and the character development is solid. Can't wait to see what happens next.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from jclark
Story continues to move along nicely and the characters are becoming more vivid. I am rooting for them to be able to figure out a way to have a relationship and to learn what "secrets" Sara is keeping.
Judy
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2010
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Story continues to move along nicely and the characters are becoming more vivid. I am rooting for them to be able to figure out a way to have a relationship and to learn what "secrets" Sara is keeping.
Judy
Comment Written 15-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from K. L. Bauman
Good chapter--great set up for future chapters. I like how they so obviously care for each other, but still get bashful. I didn't notice any spags.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
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Good chapter--great set up for future chapters. I like how they so obviously care for each other, but still get bashful. I didn't notice any spags.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
