A Deal Gone Wrong
A Prisoner Makes a Bad Bargain36 total reviews
Comment from wavetamer
Sorry, but this is a VERY old story that has been on TV several times..If, however, you just happened to think about the exact same sequence of events, the exact same progression of the story and the exact same ending...then great job. Otherwise your imagination just hijacked a story from your subconscious memory.
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reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Sorry, but this is a VERY old story that has been on TV several times..If, however, you just happened to think about the exact same sequence of events, the exact same progression of the story and the exact same ending...then great job. Otherwise your imagination just hijacked a story from your subconscious memory.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Your review brought a smile to my face. Yes, it is a very old story --which I explained in my authors notes. The contest called for "your favorite campfire or ghost story" not an original work. Sorry you didn't understand the rules, but glad you read my story anyway. ann
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My humble apologies...I didn't realize it was favorite, not original. Your story, indeed, is one of my favorite short stories. To that I would like to turn your lone star into a major constellation....5!
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Thank you very much. ann
Comment from forestport12
Enjoyed the story. This sue was creative. At first I kept thinking where is the campfire, but that's not important, if you can imagine this being told around a campfire.
You might could expect this one to take the place of the classic "bear stories."
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Enjoyed the story. This sue was creative. At first I kept thinking where is the campfire, but that's not important, if you can imagine this being told around a campfire.
You might could expect this one to take the place of the classic "bear stories."
Comment Written 08-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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thanks for reading, commenting and generous review. ann
Comment from Readywriter52
This is a very scary story. Bob considered himself a master manipulator, but he couldn't manipulate death. In the end, death outsmarted him.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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This is a very scary story. Bob considered himself a master manipulator, but he couldn't manipulate death. In the end, death outsmarted him.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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Thanks so much for reading and commenting. I appreciate your time and your generous review. ann
Comment from daniela.albu
Your story has a lot of black humor. Mac is dead, he is in the coffin with Bob and instead of escaping Bob just dag his grave by the will of fate. Mac died and their plan died with him. A good campfire story in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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Your story has a lot of black humor. Mac is dead, he is in the coffin with Bob and instead of escaping Bob just dag his grave by the will of fate. Mac died and their plan died with him. A good campfire story in the contest.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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Thanks for your generous review!
Comment from the blue pixel
The best laid plans of mice and men.......prison escapees. The ending is a gut wrenching twist that made me feel claustrophic. I also loved the phrase "as the moon left the sky" and "dead still". You have re-told it well.
The Blue Pixel P.S. I would have rated your story higher until I read it wasn't original but it was still very well told.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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The best laid plans of mice and men.......prison escapees. The ending is a gut wrenching twist that made me feel claustrophic. I also loved the phrase "as the moon left the sky" and "dead still". You have re-told it well.
The Blue Pixel P.S. I would have rated your story higher until I read it wasn't original but it was still very well told.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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The contest did not call for original stories, but rather your favorite ghost story or campfire tale. Thanks for reading and commenting. ann
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Oh I am so sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. I know I thought it was a very well told story that had me wanting to race on to see what happens next and I certainly hope that I conveyed that message to you. It was everything a scary ghost story around the camp fire should be. The Blue Pixel
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no offense taken.
Comment from Writeaway...
An interesting piece Annuma, I thouroughly enjoyed reading it, however I did notice a few spelling mistakes here and there which you might want to take note of. responsibilties - (should be) responsibilities, cemetary -(should be) cemetery, should creeped be crept? I'm not sure on that one, but I hope this pointers will be helpful to you. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2010
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An interesting piece Annuma, I thouroughly enjoyed reading it, however I did notice a few spelling mistakes here and there which you might want to take note of. responsibilties - (should be) responsibilities, cemetary -(should be) cemetery, should creeped be crept? I'm not sure on that one, but I hope this pointers will be helpful to you. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2010
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You are correct on all accounts and misspellings have been corrected. Thanks so much for noting them. Were they the only reasons for the 4 star rating, or did the story have other shortcomings? ann
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I just gave it a four star because of the spelling but the rest of it was fine just needed a little extra attention you can say.
Comment from cupa tea
Thats creepy. I sort of figured this was going to happen because you said the old guy was in his 70's. Still, its a creepy tale and you did a nice job laying it out for the reader
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2010
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Thats creepy. I sort of figured this was going to happen because you said the old guy was in his 70's. Still, its a creepy tale and you did a nice job laying it out for the reader
Comment Written 20-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2010
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Thanks so much. I appreciate your reading and commenting. ann
Comment from Belinda
So ... finally Bob was buried alive? Oh wow, what a creepy story. Suitable for a campfire story, I guess, to scare off listeners. Good entry to the contest, Ann...
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2010
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So ... finally Bob was buried alive? Oh wow, what a creepy story. Suitable for a campfire story, I guess, to scare off listeners. Good entry to the contest, Ann...
Comment Written 14-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2010
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Thanks so much for reading and commenting. ann
Comment from RazberryBullet
I hadn't heard this 'ghost story' before. What a horrible, warped ending for Bob to be buried alive with the dead Max ;p
Well done!
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2010
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I hadn't heard this 'ghost story' before. What a horrible, warped ending for Bob to be buried alive with the dead Max ;p
Well done!
Comment Written 14-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2010
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Thank you. I've been surprised by the number of people who had never heard this story. I'm glad you enjoyed it. ann
Comment from Isaiah Ramesses
Excellent storytelling, Annmuma. Your formatting is professional looking and your narration is very descriptive. Just the right amount of dialogue creates a nice read. One issue:
The gravediggers' voices grow fainter as they walked away from the shallow grave.>>should be "grew" fainter.
Nice job. Good luck.
Isaiah Ramesses
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2010
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Excellent storytelling, Annmuma. Your formatting is professional looking and your narration is very descriptive. Just the right amount of dialogue creates a nice read. One issue:
The gravediggers' voices grow fainter as they walked away from the shallow grave.>>should be "grew" fainter.
Nice job. Good luck.
Isaiah Ramesses
Comment Written 14-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2010
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Oh, I'm so glad you caught that nit!! It's be repaired immediately. thanks. ann
