Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Chatper 2 Part three"Can love survive small town gossip?
73 total reviews
Comment from dmjones
Another good chapter. I like the love and the trust growing between them but Sara is obviously reluctant to give her all. She doesn't want to be hurt. I didn't see any erros.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
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Another good chapter. I like the love and the trust growing between them but Sara is obviously reluctant to give her all. She doesn't want to be hurt. I didn't see any erros.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from jadapenn
Hahaha, this is so typical of a nice family scene. Mom this, and mom that. Mom is never left alone just to enjoy the attention of a certain hunk. lol.
I oved this chapter. Matt is the father!
Lol. luv jada
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
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Hahaha, this is so typical of a nice family scene. Mom this, and mom that. Mom is never left alone just to enjoy the attention of a certain hunk. lol.
I oved this chapter. Matt is the father!
Lol. luv jada
Comment Written 10-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
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Oh my, you really went out on a limb with that ideas. MATTT??? Thank you for your kind review. It's always great to hear from you.
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Not Matt having an ooops? Oh dear, then jada will have to look again. lol.
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Matt is totally in love with Dani, he doesn't have time for anyone else.
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This would have been long before Dani - haha. I need a hint like the desert needs a storm!
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NO, no, no. Dani and Matt already have two children by now. There has already been a hint in my first post. Another hint will happen, not in the next post, but the one after that.
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Grief, let me back-track! I'll report later.
Comment from Sarah_Goldwell
the story is moving along nicely, you have set us up with two good hooks 1) finding out about cassies father and 2)finding out what Grandma wants
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
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the story is moving along nicely, you have set us up with two good hooks 1) finding out about cassies father and 2)finding out what Grandma wants
Comment Written 10-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from lola29
It seems Sara is being unjustly punished for something that happened a long time ago, and needs to grow a spine and stop taking the abuse doled out to her by, I'm sure, hypocrites. I'm sure Joe is God's gift to women, but I think Sara has a lot to offer. I guess I'm just tired of seeing her take a back seat to everyone else. This was a aweet chapter, but I'd like to see Sara's strength.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
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It seems Sara is being unjustly punished for something that happened a long time ago, and needs to grow a spine and stop taking the abuse doled out to her by, I'm sure, hypocrites. I'm sure Joe is God's gift to women, but I think Sara has a lot to offer. I guess I'm just tired of seeing her take a back seat to everyone else. This was a aweet chapter, but I'd like to see Sara's strength.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
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Sara will grow throughout the story. She will be forced to. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Nicnac
I was wondering the same thing! (rape) Whatever happened between Sara and Cassie's father must have been pretty traumatic for her... Poor Sara.
Great chapter. I love the tenderness with which Joe treats Sara and his accepting, caring attitude toward Cassie. So sweet.
If I were Sara, I'd be wondering what this guy's flaws are. He seems so perfect. LOL PLEASE don't tell me he's a lousy lover. haha He's got to have some kind of flaw. (Kidding aside, he does seem TOO perfect.)
The dance scene is so sweet. I love his confidence.
Suggestions:
The main thing that stood out to me in this chapter is the use of the word 'then'. If you could edit them out, it would improve the flow. 'Then' is usually an unnecessary word. ;) Example:
She filled the sink with water and then turned toward him. (She filled the sink with water and turned toward him.)
Sara chewed on her bottom lip and then stepped back.
(Sara chewed on her bottom lip and stepped back.)
I've enjoyed the time I (I've) spent with you and Cassie.
When she finished the assignment, he asked, "I'm surprised you're taking Spanish in eighth grade." (Since a question wasn't asked, you might change 'he asked' to 'he stated'.
I'm anxious to see how everything goes at the dance. I'm expecting some huge sparks. lol
Nic
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
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I was wondering the same thing! (rape) Whatever happened between Sara and Cassie's father must have been pretty traumatic for her... Poor Sara.
Great chapter. I love the tenderness with which Joe treats Sara and his accepting, caring attitude toward Cassie. So sweet.
If I were Sara, I'd be wondering what this guy's flaws are. He seems so perfect. LOL PLEASE don't tell me he's a lousy lover. haha He's got to have some kind of flaw. (Kidding aside, he does seem TOO perfect.)
The dance scene is so sweet. I love his confidence.
Suggestions:
The main thing that stood out to me in this chapter is the use of the word 'then'. If you could edit them out, it would improve the flow. 'Then' is usually an unnecessary word. ;) Example:
She filled the sink with water and then turned toward him. (She filled the sink with water and turned toward him.)
Sara chewed on her bottom lip and then stepped back.
(Sara chewed on her bottom lip and stepped back.)
I've enjoyed the time I (I've) spent with you and Cassie.
When she finished the assignment, he asked, "I'm surprised you're taking Spanish in eighth grade." (Since a question wasn't asked, you might change 'he asked' to 'he stated'.
I'm anxious to see how everything goes at the dance. I'm expecting some huge sparks. lol
Nic
Comment Written 10-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
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Joe does have a flaw and we will get to see it in full force. Thank you for your kind review and for catching those errors. I will make the corrections.
Comment from missy98writer
Brabara,
Another well written chapter of your fabulous book 'Another Pretty Face.' Outstanding characterization of Joe, Sara and Cassie. Excellent dialogue, great narrative and vivid imagery- I could see them trying to dance and Cassie showing her mom how to stand close to Joe. Here are some examples of your descriptive writing scheme:
"The sentence roughly translates to: I bought this yesterday. 'Compro' comes from the verb 'comprar', which means to buy. The secret to Spanish is you have to conjugate the verbs." Joe watched over her shoulder and assisted when necessary. When she finished the assignment, he asked, "I'm surprised you're taking Spanish in eighth grade."
"I struggle to speak correct English." She blew out a deep breath. "You've been all over the world, speak four languages, and can cook. What else can you do?"
"Of course." He turned off the TV and turned the radio dial until he found a soft music station. He held out his arms toward Sara. "May I have this dance?"
"Stand like this." She stood in front of Joe. He's supposed to put his arms around you like this." Joe grinned as he placed his arms around Cassie. "Now Mom, you're supposed to step in closer like this." She took a step. "See, now try it." Moving aside, she left a space for her mother.
After the thirteenth time Cassie stepped on his feet, he smiled at Sara. "Are you ready to give it a try?"
"I won't let you," he whispered in her ear. "Just follow my lead." They continued dancing until the phone rang.
He gently took her hand, hoping she wouldn't go inside. "Up to this point, we've been honest with each other. I'm not forcing you to discuss him, but have enough courage to say 'I don't want to'. Don't just leave."
"We only had sex once, so I don't have a lot of experience with him either," she interrupted.
I have saved a six for a story that was fabulous and this gets my last six. Brilliant job writing a delightful story. I love Joe, what a man! Keep up the marvelous writing, my friend. . .Melissa!
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
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Brabara,
Another well written chapter of your fabulous book 'Another Pretty Face.' Outstanding characterization of Joe, Sara and Cassie. Excellent dialogue, great narrative and vivid imagery- I could see them trying to dance and Cassie showing her mom how to stand close to Joe. Here are some examples of your descriptive writing scheme:
"The sentence roughly translates to: I bought this yesterday. 'Compro' comes from the verb 'comprar', which means to buy. The secret to Spanish is you have to conjugate the verbs." Joe watched over her shoulder and assisted when necessary. When she finished the assignment, he asked, "I'm surprised you're taking Spanish in eighth grade."
"I struggle to speak correct English." She blew out a deep breath. "You've been all over the world, speak four languages, and can cook. What else can you do?"
"Of course." He turned off the TV and turned the radio dial until he found a soft music station. He held out his arms toward Sara. "May I have this dance?"
"Stand like this." She stood in front of Joe. He's supposed to put his arms around you like this." Joe grinned as he placed his arms around Cassie. "Now Mom, you're supposed to step in closer like this." She took a step. "See, now try it." Moving aside, she left a space for her mother.
After the thirteenth time Cassie stepped on his feet, he smiled at Sara. "Are you ready to give it a try?"
"I won't let you," he whispered in her ear. "Just follow my lead." They continued dancing until the phone rang.
He gently took her hand, hoping she wouldn't go inside. "Up to this point, we've been honest with each other. I'm not forcing you to discuss him, but have enough courage to say 'I don't want to'. Don't just leave."
"We only had sex once, so I don't have a lot of experience with him either," she interrupted.
I have saved a six for a story that was fabulous and this gets my last six. Brilliant job writing a delightful story. I love Joe, what a man! Keep up the marvelous writing, my friend. . .Melissa!
Comment Written 10-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
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Thank you Missy as always, I enjoy hearing from you. I appreciate you kind and generous support.
Comment from fictionwriter
Another interesting chapter. I hope Joe gets to the bottom of the deal with Cassie's father eventually. I enjoyed this, and no nits in sight. Well done.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
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Another interesting chapter. I hope Joe gets to the bottom of the deal with Cassie's father eventually. I enjoyed this, and no nits in sight. Well done.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Donovan
First of all I think the title is very misleading. I clicked on your posting and it was not 'another pretty face,' it was the same cute face we have seen before. Well, in my opinion, which is not humble, you are consistently one of the best story tellers that posts on this site. So I have nothing constructive to offer that would make any sense at all. And...I noted your advice on children needing our presence more than presents. I think I will sit under the Christmas tree this December and see if that works with the grand kids. What else...not much. I will now go and have breakfast. Grapenuts and a glass of Metamucil.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
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First of all I think the title is very misleading. I clicked on your posting and it was not 'another pretty face,' it was the same cute face we have seen before. Well, in my opinion, which is not humble, you are consistently one of the best story tellers that posts on this site. So I have nothing constructive to offer that would make any sense at all. And...I noted your advice on children needing our presence more than presents. I think I will sit under the Christmas tree this December and see if that works with the grand kids. What else...not much. I will now go and have breakfast. Grapenuts and a glass of Metamucil.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
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You are way too kind. I appreciate your kind words. I am speechless after this review. Thank you.
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
That woman is not easy to woo, and poor Joe does seem to be doing his best.
The little scene with the dance was interesting. I liked how you emphasised that Joe kept a distance between himself and Cassie. To my mind, little details like this are very telling.
juliette
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
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That woman is not easy to woo, and poor Joe does seem to be doing his best.
The little scene with the dance was interesting. I liked how you emphasised that Joe kept a distance between himself and Cassie. To my mind, little details like this are very telling.
juliette
Comment Written 10-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and the keen perceptions. I am glad you picked up on it. It will be important later.
Comment from anabelle
Good second part to this. It looks like Cassie has already accepted Joe. As for Sara, I'm not sure what's going on with Cassie's father, but there's a lot of pain there still.
Thanks for the good read.
Regards, anabelle
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
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Good second part to this. It looks like Cassie has already accepted Joe. As for Sara, I'm not sure what's going on with Cassie's father, but there's a lot of pain there still.
Thanks for the good read.
Regards, anabelle
Comment Written 10-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
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We will see exactly what happened with Cassie's father fairly soon. Thank you for your kind review.
