Reviews from

The Listener

Viewing comments for Chapter 27 "Home Sweet Home"
Telepathy makes business trust easy. Or should.

6 total reviews 
Comment from WRITER1
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I am so glad you got back to this story. I was waiting to see what was going to happen with Christmas and Laura. At least they aren't trying to kill each other anymore.

 Comment Written 10-Jul-2010


reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
    Well, we'll have to see. Thanks for the review
Comment from Hanna Marie
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Made me laugh that you would talk about grumpy, with hungry...that is so true. I need to read all the chapters before, but, this interests me and you seem to be heading somewhere with this..I'll be back with more knowledge of your first chapters...Hanna Marie

 Comment Written 09-Jul-2010


reply by the author on 09-Jul-2010
    Thanks. Laura is based on a friend whose ability to eat rare steak is legendary.
reply by Hanna Marie on 09-Jul-2010
    Wow, I like rare steak ot tuff enough for raw...have a great weekend. Hanna
Comment from Adri7enne
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Good to see you working on that story, Snod. I'm happy I read it all up to now. I think I feel a little sexual tension building between Laura and Christmas. All your women readers, we, romantics, will be watching for a little love, huh? LOL!
Good dialogue, with witty repartee that shows the personalities of your characters. Good, adversarial feel, well set up for the next scene. Well done, Snod.

 Comment Written 09-Jul-2010


reply by the author on 09-Jul-2010
    Thanks. I'm always worried filler scenes lack action and will bore the reader. I shall have to see if I can get some action (one kind or another) soon.
reply by Adri7enne on 09-Jul-2010
    Yeah, what the heck! It's summer. You've got to fight for attention this time of the year. Entertain us!
Comment from empire76
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This was an interesting chapter. It's the first I'm reading. I find fantasy enjoyable when it's not over-the-top; like this one. I enjoyed the easy banter between Laura and Christmas and it looks their adventure is only beginning.

There were a couple of places where you needed a comma, esp. with the use of though:

e.g:
- I was never challenged(,) though.
usually the use of though like this needs a comma

Empi

 Comment Written 09-Jul-2010


reply by the author on 09-Jul-2010
    Thanks. I'm glad you liked it
Comment from EllieKaye
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hey, Snodlander.
Something about the names pulled me in. Yeah--Christmas. I love that. Never thought to name someone Christmas.

Your dialogue is amazing. I could hear these two and their banter. Christmas seemed like a joker, until the line about pushing a couch in front of the door. Then he came alive and there was a deeper sense of who he really is. He takes this seriously.

Your humor was my hook. I have no idea of who these people are, except that they are hiding, but the humor made me crave the next line. Fantastic.

 Comment Written 09-Jul-2010


reply by the author on 09-Jul-2010
    You're very kind. I was behind someone in an airport check-in who had the surname Christmas. And yes, even thrillers like this I can't write with a straight face. I hope it's reminiscent of those old Bogart films with the wise-cracking hero and the sassy dame.
Comment from Realist101
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Super duper! I love your quirky endings, and the bantor of your characters!! Sure hope this gets published! VERY good and fun too!! ") Susan

 Comment Written 09-Jul-2010


reply by the author on 09-Jul-2010
    You're very kind. I didn't mean the end to be quirky, but I'll take what I can get.