Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Chapter 2 Part Two"Can love survive small town gossip?
70 total reviews
Comment from ladybird
A nice easy to read chapter The interaction between the three characters moved the story forward.
The picture is just how I would imagine Joe to look.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2010
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A nice easy to read chapter The interaction between the three characters moved the story forward.
The picture is just how I would imagine Joe to look.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate your support.
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You're welcome.
Comment from JimLee
I liked it as far as the relationship with Sara goes.
I thought Cassie's part of the conversation between all three of them seemed a bit mature for a girl her age, but over all, a good advancement of the story.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2010
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I liked it as far as the relationship with Sara goes.
I thought Cassie's part of the conversation between all three of them seemed a bit mature for a girl her age, but over all, a good advancement of the story.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2010
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Cassie is used to being around adults, so she is a bit more mature.
Comment from wierdgrace
I always truly love your romance stories and I usually read them at night or when I am upset, these cheer me, and the picture this time is the best, haha, If only... I loved where your story is now going, keep up the great work.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2010
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I always truly love your romance stories and I usually read them at night or when I am upset, these cheer me, and the picture this time is the best, haha, If only... I loved where your story is now going, keep up the great work.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and your continued support. I appreciate both.
Comment from fictionwriter
It seems to me a bit too early on for Sara to get jealous of another woman, especially since they haven't really started anything serious yet. just my opinion. Well done.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2010
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It seems to me a bit too early on for Sara to get jealous of another woman, especially since they haven't really started anything serious yet. just my opinion. Well done.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2010
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I will recheck that. I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from Black-Saphire
Each chapter of this story simply drowns me inside your words. I can't wait to see what the next chapter of this will include :) Good job, and keep up the great work!
-Jade
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2010
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Each chapter of this story simply drowns me inside your words. I can't wait to see what the next chapter of this will include :) Good job, and keep up the great work!
-Jade
Comment Written 06-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
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yep, anytime
Comment from mtngalofnc
Hi barbara,
I think you have a good story. Your characters are very believeable and your writing flows nicely. I especially liked the interaction between Cassie and Sarah. I can see that Joe and Sarah's relationship is growing at a nice pace. Cassie's comments to Joe speaks volumes about Sarah as a mother. Looking forward to reading the next chapter and thank you for sharing.
Becky
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2010
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Hi barbara,
I think you have a good story. Your characters are very believeable and your writing flows nicely. I especially liked the interaction between Cassie and Sarah. I can see that Joe and Sarah's relationship is growing at a nice pace. Cassie's comments to Joe speaks volumes about Sarah as a mother. Looking forward to reading the next chapter and thank you for sharing.
Becky
Comment Written 06-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from jadapenn
Ooooh, hunky. Yep he sure is a nice Joe. This was a cute chapter with the interaction between Joe and Cassie. They already seem on friendly terms. Sara still comes over a bit reserved. Makes one realise that she is wary of giving her heart too soon.
Well done. Luv this story. luv jada
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2010
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Ooooh, hunky. Yep he sure is a nice Joe. This was a cute chapter with the interaction between Joe and Cassie. They already seem on friendly terms. Sara still comes over a bit reserved. Makes one realise that she is wary of giving her heart too soon.
Well done. Luv this story. luv jada
Comment Written 06-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I think when everything comes out in the open you will understand why she is so reserved.
Comment from michaelwarr
I would say that the chapter post works. The evolution of the relationship between Joe and Sara is, intense. Above all it succeeds in what in my opinion all good books do. From four posts I have forged my own opinion of Joe and Sara, looks, movements, voices. In my opinion you very successfully describe the situations and characters in enough detail that I am interested and want to see how things develop yet at the same time I am formulating how I hope the story continues in my own mind. Fantastic.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2010
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I would say that the chapter post works. The evolution of the relationship between Joe and Sara is, intense. Above all it succeeds in what in my opinion all good books do. From four posts I have forged my own opinion of Joe and Sara, looks, movements, voices. In my opinion you very successfully describe the situations and characters in enough detail that I am interested and want to see how things develop yet at the same time I am formulating how I hope the story continues in my own mind. Fantastic.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2010
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It will be interesting to see if you go where I am going. I have some twists, we'll see if we agree. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from rama devi
Second review
Not sure how to explain it---but will try by giving a list of some the details that do not directly contribute to the build up of plot or characters. Using a few specific details are good---but not when there are so many.
It is good to make a reference to food, especially in a scene involving a meal. however, i think you refer to the food and dishes way too often in this chapter.
Here a list of most of those references---I feel it should be cut in half. Dear friend, i am not an expert, but this was my honest impression of this chapter. Also, as I mentioned in first review, there is not enough balance between dialog and narrative.
"I think Mom planned spaghetti and a salad."
He set some ground beef on the counter and found a skillet. "Why don't you make the salad and I'll make the sauce and cook the spaghetti?"
Joe set a large bowl of spaghetti on the table. "Hi."
Sara sat at the table. Cassie passed her the bowl of spaghetti, and she dished some onto her plate. She took a bite, hesitated, then another bite. "Cassie, you didn't make this sauce, did you?"
"I brought dessert. You ladies need to be a little more patient," he said over his shoulder as he walked into the kitchen.
He returned with three bowls, spoons, and a half-gallon of ice cream. "Ready for ice cream?"
"Umm, butter pecan, my favorite. How did you know?" She glanced at her mom. "Did you tell him?"
"No, I didn't. It's my favorite too. How did you know?"
"I called Dani and asked what I should bring for dessert. She suggested butter pecan ice cream. It's also her favorite."
"But, you said you'd do them later." Cassie accepted a bowl of ice cream from Joe.
"Please don't." He hesitated, wondering how to make her feel better. "Let's finish our ice cream, then I'll help with the dishes." He put his hand against the small of her back and led her into the dining room.
"Everything's fine. I forgot to fill your mom in on some important information." He lifted a spoon of ice cream to his mouth.
HOpe that helps. Love, rd
FIRST review (THREE stars)
Dear sister---I am going to be totally honest because I know you trust I mean well--And since you ask,I'll answer: This doesn't work. Too much dialog, too much irrelevant detail in the dialog and not enough depth of POV (insight into the characters.) Not enough plot or action development. The chapter needs stronger substance.
ON the plus side...
---I did not notice any spags or typos~
---You did well with flow and avoiding overuse of speech tags, passive voicing or adverbs...you've really developed in these aspects from when I first started reading you.
I think you need to keep some of the detail but trim it down significantly. Add in narrative and maybe a simile or metaphor too.
Hope you find this helpful...it is meant to be constructive, as you I believe know.
HUGS and blessings,
rd
PS---the picture does fit, I think! (wink)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2010
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Second review
Not sure how to explain it---but will try by giving a list of some the details that do not directly contribute to the build up of plot or characters. Using a few specific details are good---but not when there are so many.
It is good to make a reference to food, especially in a scene involving a meal. however, i think you refer to the food and dishes way too often in this chapter.
Here a list of most of those references---I feel it should be cut in half. Dear friend, i am not an expert, but this was my honest impression of this chapter. Also, as I mentioned in first review, there is not enough balance between dialog and narrative.
"I think Mom planned spaghetti and a salad."
He set some ground beef on the counter and found a skillet. "Why don't you make the salad and I'll make the sauce and cook the spaghetti?"
Joe set a large bowl of spaghetti on the table. "Hi."
Sara sat at the table. Cassie passed her the bowl of spaghetti, and she dished some onto her plate. She took a bite, hesitated, then another bite. "Cassie, you didn't make this sauce, did you?"
"I brought dessert. You ladies need to be a little more patient," he said over his shoulder as he walked into the kitchen.
He returned with three bowls, spoons, and a half-gallon of ice cream. "Ready for ice cream?"
"Umm, butter pecan, my favorite. How did you know?" She glanced at her mom. "Did you tell him?"
"No, I didn't. It's my favorite too. How did you know?"
"I called Dani and asked what I should bring for dessert. She suggested butter pecan ice cream. It's also her favorite."
"But, you said you'd do them later." Cassie accepted a bowl of ice cream from Joe.
"Please don't." He hesitated, wondering how to make her feel better. "Let's finish our ice cream, then I'll help with the dishes." He put his hand against the small of her back and led her into the dining room.
"Everything's fine. I forgot to fill your mom in on some important information." He lifted a spoon of ice cream to his mouth.
HOpe that helps. Love, rd
FIRST review (THREE stars)
Dear sister---I am going to be totally honest because I know you trust I mean well--And since you ask,I'll answer: This doesn't work. Too much dialog, too much irrelevant detail in the dialog and not enough depth of POV (insight into the characters.) Not enough plot or action development. The chapter needs stronger substance.
ON the plus side...
---I did not notice any spags or typos~
---You did well with flow and avoiding overuse of speech tags, passive voicing or adverbs...you've really developed in these aspects from when I first started reading you.
I think you need to keep some of the detail but trim it down significantly. Add in narrative and maybe a simile or metaphor too.
Hope you find this helpful...it is meant to be constructive, as you I believe know.
HUGS and blessings,
rd
PS---the picture does fit, I think! (wink)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2010
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too much irrelevant detail, I am struggling with the irrelevant detail because I don't feel I put anything in this post that won't be needed in a future post. Can you please give me an example so I can fully understand what you mean?
Comment from lola29
It's easy to see why any woman would like Joe--he's charming, considerate, and oh so sexy. I'm glad Sara's getting a chance for some positive interaction.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2010
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It's easy to see why any woman would like Joe--he's charming, considerate, and oh so sexy. I'm glad Sara's getting a chance for some positive interaction.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
