Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Chapter 2 Part One"Can love survive small town gossip?
71 total reviews
Comment from gerry26
There are two things that really stand out to me.
The dialog is so real. I feel like I am standing next to them.
The body motions are very good. You insert them at just the right place and they add to the story.
You are really showing us about your characters and their feelings and hurt.
Honestly, I enjoyed this and see nothing wrong.
ger
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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There are two things that really stand out to me.
The dialog is so real. I feel like I am standing next to them.
The body motions are very good. You insert them at just the right place and they add to the story.
You are really showing us about your characters and their feelings and hurt.
Honestly, I enjoyed this and see nothing wrong.
ger
Comment Written 02-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I want to put my readers in the story, so they can feel it.
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you did
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Barbara,
I think this rates as the best chapter I've read so far in this book. Very good dialogue, excellent description of the scene in the Burger joint and a great response from Joe.
No spag spotted.
Patrick
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Hi Barbara,
I think this rates as the best chapter I've read so far in this book. Very good dialogue, excellent description of the scene in the Burger joint and a great response from Joe.
No spag spotted.
Patrick
Comment Written 02-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate your continued support.
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
I love the stage of romance where the parties are finding out about each other.
I loved Joe's confession, and can certainly imagine why it would be very embarrassing.
I wonder if she is a little 'too' on the defensive in relation to her daughter's conception and birth.
Juliette
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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I love the stage of romance where the parties are finding out about each other.
I loved Joe's confession, and can certainly imagine why it would be very embarrassing.
I wonder if she is a little 'too' on the defensive in relation to her daughter's conception and birth.
Juliette
Comment Written 02-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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She had been put down by the town since she was pregnant, almost an outcast. We'll see how this developes in the story. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from fictionwriter
What a wonderful little scene. I enjoyed the fact that Joe devulged something about him being human too, something she could relate to. Great job.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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What a wonderful little scene. I enjoyed the fact that Joe devulged something about him being human too, something she could relate to. Great job.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
This flow so naturally,
Barbara - the actions and
dialogue, excellent.
An enjoyable read.
became pregnant (during) her senior year
Margaret
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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This flow so naturally,
Barbara - the actions and
dialogue, excellent.
An enjoyable read.
became pregnant (during) her senior year
Margaret
Comment Written 02-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and I will get on that error.
Comment from rama devi
Hello dear friend.
this flows well and is easy to read, as discussed before, romance is not my thing and I also do not know how to review it. So, as requested, i did read this for spag and nits... Just a couple noted below--
*"Get. I guess I can spare you for a few minutes. It doesn't look like we're too busy."
Get? Not sure if that is a typo?
*"It wasn't a test. One thing just led to another, but...," she paused and then continued, "I'm more comfortable knowing you aren't perfect."
Odd punctuaiton in above, and also the action tag is superfluous as the ellipses shows the pause automatically.
Humble suggestion:
"It wasn't a test. One thing just led to another, but...I'm more comfortable knowing you aren't perfect."
Lots of love,
rd
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Hello dear friend.
this flows well and is easy to read, as discussed before, romance is not my thing and I also do not know how to review it. So, as requested, i did read this for spag and nits... Just a couple noted below--
*"Get. I guess I can spare you for a few minutes. It doesn't look like we're too busy."
Get? Not sure if that is a typo?
*"It wasn't a test. One thing just led to another, but...," she paused and then continued, "I'm more comfortable knowing you aren't perfect."
Odd punctuaiton in above, and also the action tag is superfluous as the ellipses shows the pause automatically.
Humble suggestion:
"It wasn't a test. One thing just led to another, but...I'm more comfortable knowing you aren't perfect."
Lots of love,
rd
Comment Written 02-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Thank you for catching the 'nits'. I wasn't sure how to handle that last sentence. Glad you cleared it up for me. I appreciate your review.
Comment from jmdg1954
I'm glad you made the name change, because I found myself going back at certain points to clarify who in fact was in the discussion. I confuse easily. Your story line is developing nicely, getting them into town together with the small town gossip allows you to take the story in many directions. Glad I started from chapter 1. John
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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I'm glad you made the name change, because I found myself going back at certain points to clarify who in fact was in the discussion. I confuse easily. Your story line is developing nicely, getting them into town together with the small town gossip allows you to take the story in many directions. Glad I started from chapter 1. John
Comment Written 02-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I do listen to my reviewers.
Comment from bhogg
Well written and well edited like all your work. This is turning in to a very nice story. You've done a great job in building the characters. Even creating a little tension on not knowing who Cassie's father is. I'm looking forward to the next post!
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Well written and well edited like all your work. This is turning in to a very nice story. You've done a great job in building the characters. Even creating a little tension on not knowing who Cassie's father is. I'm looking forward to the next post!
Comment Written 02-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and support. I appreciate both.
Comment from Begin Again
Barbara,
Loved the connection between the two...Each learning that the other isn't perfect in our unperfect world. Just the blush of a romance...Excellent!
Carol
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Barbara,
Loved the connection between the two...Each learning that the other isn't perfect in our unperfect world. Just the blush of a romance...Excellent!
Carol
Comment Written 02-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and support.
Comment from honeytree
I enjoyed reading these words and found them very interesting to read. I found the words flowed well and the art work is great.
I guess these two will be friends again?
Honey tree
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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I enjoyed reading these words and found them very interesting to read. I found the words flowed well and the art work is great.
I guess these two will be friends again?
Honey tree
Comment Written 02-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your review. I have made the corrections.
