Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Chapter 2 Part One"Can love survive small town gossip?
71 total reviews
Comment from M.L. Gardner
As an author, I am always curious to know when my readers are "hooked" and that happened for me with this segment. I found myself wondering about your characters on the way home from work. I have everything printed so I can read throught out the day and comment when I am able to get online. Very nice job. Subtle, simple, but visual. If I were forced at gunpoint to say something of a critiquing nature, it would be that the phrase used a few times "moisture in her eyes" bugs me, in lieu of another phrase to show teary eyes. But that just may be me. A few sentences could use some ironing before it could go to print, but thats what copy-editors are for. I am enjoying this alot.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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As an author, I am always curious to know when my readers are "hooked" and that happened for me with this segment. I found myself wondering about your characters on the way home from work. I have everything printed so I can read throught out the day and comment when I am able to get online. Very nice job. Subtle, simple, but visual. If I were forced at gunpoint to say something of a critiquing nature, it would be that the phrase used a few times "moisture in her eyes" bugs me, in lieu of another phrase to show teary eyes. But that just may be me. A few sentences could use some ironing before it could go to print, but thats what copy-editors are for. I am enjoying this alot.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I will throw in a few teary eyes.
Comment from skychild27
Very well written as always. I like his perseverance with seeing her, but I almost wish he'd said something strong and stern to Kathy. But I'm probably looking for an argument! :) he's so gentle with her, and she's incredibly jaded (understandably) but they mesh very well together. I'm loving it so far~
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2010
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Very well written as always. I like his perseverance with seeing her, but I almost wish he'd said something strong and stern to Kathy. But I'm probably looking for an argument! :) he's so gentle with her, and she's incredibly jaded (understandably) but they mesh very well together. I'm loving it so far~
Comment Written 15-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate you going back and reading.
Comment from Summer Falls
Hi Barbara! I am so glad I had some time to finally read your latest creation. I must say, dear friend, you have a way of capturing a reader! I am intrigued! There is so much good about this story, the characters and the way it flows. I already like Joe, (though I think Galeron would not like to know I said that) and I think Sarah is adorable. Something about her taking a glance at her scuffed sneakers really made me feel for her. Oh, and hook about who the father of her daughter is was fantastic.
I have to go now, because I cannot wait to read the next chapter.
Love Summer
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Hi Barbara! I am so glad I had some time to finally read your latest creation. I must say, dear friend, you have a way of capturing a reader! I am intrigued! There is so much good about this story, the characters and the way it flows. I already like Joe, (though I think Galeron would not like to know I said that) and I think Sarah is adorable. Something about her taking a glance at her scuffed sneakers really made me feel for her. Oh, and hook about who the father of her daughter is was fantastic.
I have to go now, because I cannot wait to read the next chapter.
Love Summer
Comment Written 08-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Thank you Summer for taking time to read. I value your reviews, so please don't stay away.
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I wont stay away. HOw could I with Joe walking around?
Comment from Sarah_Goldwell
Another good chapter Sarah and Joe's relationship is developing nicely and it was good to get a bit of insight in to Joe's background with Matt and the girl. Good character development there as it told us volumes about Joe's personality
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
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Another good chapter Sarah and Joe's relationship is developing nicely and it was good to get a bit of insight in to Joe's background with Matt and the girl. Good character development there as it told us volumes about Joe's personality
Comment Written 10-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I see you had a ways to go to catch up.
Comment from Nicnac
I like the way these two are able to freely talk to each other... letting their guards down and being honest.
Joe is already feeling protective of Sara. That's a good sign. Ginger is a real busybody. I don't like her.
Suggestion:
she paused before she said,
He glanced at her, then said,
(It is a good idea to eliminate conversation tags whenever possible.)
Nic
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2010
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I like the way these two are able to freely talk to each other... letting their guards down and being honest.
Joe is already feeling protective of Sara. That's a good sign. Ginger is a real busybody. I don't like her.
Suggestion:
she paused before she said,
He glanced at her, then said,
(It is a good idea to eliminate conversation tags whenever possible.)
Nic
Comment Written 09-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2010
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I will change those. I took a hit a while back because they said I wasn't using enough speech tags, so I added some.
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Really? I've never heard of not using enough speech tags. lol
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Really? I've never heard of not using enough speech tags. lol
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
I only spotted this one thing.
No comma before "before she sat in the yellow Porsche."
Are small towns still this bad
? I am so used to single moms with kids that it's hard to believe there's still someplace so unforgiving, especially when she's been good since. Will there be something more behind this vitriol?
Ronerta
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2010
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I only spotted this one thing.
No comma before "before she sat in the yellow Porsche."
Are small towns still this bad
? I am so used to single moms with kids that it's hard to believe there's still someplace so unforgiving, especially when she's been good since. Will there be something more behind this vitriol?
Ronerta
Comment Written 08-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2010
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Yes, there will be a lot behind this and I promise we will get to it. Thank you for your review.
Comment from dmjones
I've been busy so I read this late. Anyway I'm glad I did this is a good chapter. Small town gossip is a real hurting thing and it shows in the beginning here.
One thing there's a word missing below:
I didn't wait (until or for) marriage to have sex."
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2010
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I've been busy so I read this late. Anyway I'm glad I did this is a good chapter. Small town gossip is a real hurting thing and it shows in the beginning here.
One thing there's a word missing below:
I didn't wait (until or for) marriage to have sex."
Comment Written 06-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2010
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I swear I have edited that sentence a 100 times and I still didn't get it right.... UHG,... Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate the support.
Comment from idnami
Great flow and characterization in the dialogue. I am finding Joe really likeable and I am interested to see where this story is going. Having been the victim of small town rumourmongering I can relate strongly.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2010
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Great flow and characterization in the dialogue. I am finding Joe really likeable and I am interested to see where this story is going. Having been the victim of small town rumourmongering I can relate strongly.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I was raised in a small town myself.
Comment from zoocq
Thank you for the next chapter. As usual your writing is so realistic...not strained at the dialog...I envy your apparent ease with conversing in a story.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2010
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Thank you for the next chapter. As usual your writing is so realistic...not strained at the dialog...I envy your apparent ease with conversing in a story.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Ash Madox
Hi, Barabara. I thought I would return the respect of reading your work, and glad I did. I'm surprised. I don't enjoy romance novels as a rule, but this is good. Your characters are very personable, the plot is smooth and easy reading, and the writing is tops. This is a great example of a strong stand alone chapter too, just as every chapter in a book should be. Really well done. I came across this for you:
"To answer your earlier question, no, (I didn't waited marriage) to have sex."
Just the kind of thing I leave in without realising after many edit runs. I love the fresh eyes of others when my brain reads instead of my eyes. Also, I'm not sure if you're bothered, but thought I'd mention it in case. I have the same problem when I cut'n'paste italics into Fan and they come out smaller than they should. I fix it by backspacing over the italics once in Fan edit, click italics, then write the words again. That brings them into line with the rest of the font size. Thanks for the read, it's very well done. Cheers. Ash.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2010
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Hi, Barabara. I thought I would return the respect of reading your work, and glad I did. I'm surprised. I don't enjoy romance novels as a rule, but this is good. Your characters are very personable, the plot is smooth and easy reading, and the writing is tops. This is a great example of a strong stand alone chapter too, just as every chapter in a book should be. Really well done. I came across this for you:
"To answer your earlier question, no, (I didn't waited marriage) to have sex."
Just the kind of thing I leave in without realising after many edit runs. I love the fresh eyes of others when my brain reads instead of my eyes. Also, I'm not sure if you're bothered, but thought I'd mention it in case. I have the same problem when I cut'n'paste italics into Fan and they come out smaller than they should. I fix it by backspacing over the italics once in Fan edit, click italics, then write the words again. That brings them into line with the rest of the font size. Thanks for the read, it's very well done. Cheers. Ash.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2010
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Thank you for catching that error. I had edited that sentence recently and read it over three time to make sure I had it right and still missed it. DARN!!!! I hate whent that happens. I often wonder if I will ever get all the errors out. Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate your eagle eye.
