Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "The sailor"A book of Poetry & Writing
72 total reviews
Comment from Bethany5121
The things you've seen the life you survived
Sometimes what you see on land is not that great either I can imagine what being at sea could possibly do to you but this part was my favorite I loved it please keep up the good work. You are truly an artist.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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The things you've seen the life you survived
Sometimes what you see on land is not that great either I can imagine what being at sea could possibly do to you but this part was my favorite I loved it please keep up the good work. You are truly an artist.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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thank you Bethany i can but try
Comment from animatqua
Poetry often provokes thought. Yours does a good job of that here. This was done, primarily, through some very good rhyme and rhytm. There were a couple of places that were off, though:
"You've lived the life of a sailor around the world you did sail
From ship to ship,and port to port as wars just come and go"
No rhyme there.
"You make a boat, console your life and go back to sailing the sea."
No rhyme here.
You did such an excellent job throughout the rest of the poem. I would like to see you go back and work these areas over to match that quality.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Poetry often provokes thought. Yours does a good job of that here. This was done, primarily, through some very good rhyme and rhytm. There were a couple of places that were off, though:
"You've lived the life of a sailor around the world you did sail
From ship to ship,and port to port as wars just come and go"
No rhyme there.
"You make a boat, console your life and go back to sailing the sea."
No rhyme here.
You did such an excellent job throughout the rest of the poem. I would like to see you go back and work these areas over to match that quality.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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thanks
Comment from Colin Douglas
Well done, and a good tribute to your father. I loved the first quatrain as well as...
"The smell, the rage, the power, the tears
That keeps drawing you back each year"
The changing rhyme scheme made it a bit difficult to read out loud. Free verse mixed with occasional rhyme can be effective, but when it appears to be all rhyme, but the pattern changes too much, it loses something.
Also, the poem changed from past tense to present tense near the middle.
"You've lived the life of a sailor around the world you did sail" a bit redundant (sailor/sail)
Otherwise, very well done. Keep writing.
Colin
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Well done, and a good tribute to your father. I loved the first quatrain as well as...
"The smell, the rage, the power, the tears
That keeps drawing you back each year"
The changing rhyme scheme made it a bit difficult to read out loud. Free verse mixed with occasional rhyme can be effective, but when it appears to be all rhyme, but the pattern changes too much, it loses something.
Also, the poem changed from past tense to present tense near the middle.
"You've lived the life of a sailor around the world you did sail" a bit redundant (sailor/sail)
Otherwise, very well done. Keep writing.
Colin
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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thanks
Comment from Valkarie
I like this because...This is a nice piece of writing about your Father which is most artistically written, concise and visual in its merit. A powerful piece that tells us a story, your story about your family which is creative and most intriguing to read. An inspiring read with an emotional touch, good piece.
Valkarie...
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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I like this because...This is a nice piece of writing about your Father which is most artistically written, concise and visual in its merit. A powerful piece that tells us a story, your story about your family which is creative and most intriguing to read. An inspiring read with an emotional touch, good piece.
Valkarie...
Comment Written 02-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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thank you Valkarie
Comment from Alexander E Poet
I thought this was a great dedication to your, father, sounded like an interesting man led interesting life of commitment and dedication to his family, I thought this was very well done very well said no errors no mistakes Alexander
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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I thought this was a great dedication to your, father, sounded like an interesting man led interesting life of commitment and dedication to his family, I thought this was very well done very well said no errors no mistakes Alexander
Comment Written 02-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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thank you QQ Alexander for your review and comment Gary
Comment from bhogg
A very good poem and wonderful tribute to your father and for all those military members who "isolated from their family", still press on. This work was made even more special by using an actual photograph of your father. Well done poet!
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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A very good poem and wonderful tribute to your father and for all those military members who "isolated from their family", still press on. This work was made even more special by using an actual photograph of your father. Well done poet!
Comment Written 02-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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thank you bhogg for the review Gary
Comment from vandawalker
This is the life of a sailor or any service man. They must always question what happened & why. This brings out that theme very clearly but leaves hope at the end in getting a life back together. Good work!
I think this "did you sail" should be you did sail, otherwise it sounds like a question.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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This is the life of a sailor or any service man. They must always question what happened & why. This brings out that theme very clearly but leaves hope at the end in getting a life back together. Good work!
I think this "did you sail" should be you did sail, otherwise it sounds like a question.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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thank you for the comment and review vandawalker
Comment from laren
This is a very nice poem honoring sailors but mainly your father. It tell us about the life and sacrifices of sailors.
I really enjoyed reading it!
Congratulations!
Laren
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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This is a very nice poem honoring sailors but mainly your father. It tell us about the life and sacrifices of sailors.
I really enjoyed reading it!
Congratulations!
Laren
Comment Written 02-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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thank you Laren for the review
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Thank you for sharing,
Laren
Comment from misscookie
What a handsome sailor photo
I pray for all the shrives people fighting oversea and home. For they are what keeps our country free.
God Bless America.
This is a good write.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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What a handsome sailor photo
I pray for all the shrives people fighting oversea and home. For they are what keeps our country free.
God Bless America.
This is a good write.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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thank you miss c
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you are very welcome, have a safe and blessed hoilday.
Comment from Aletheia
That's a great picture and I'm sure your father would be honored by the words you have written about him. It gives the reader a feel for the sacrifices this man made and the love and dedication that he had to his family as well. Good write. B
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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That's a great picture and I'm sure your father would be honored by the words you have written about him. It gives the reader a feel for the sacrifices this man made and the love and dedication that he had to his family as well. Good write. B
Comment Written 02-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Thank you B
