Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Chapter 1 Part Two"Can love survive small town gossip?
67 total reviews
Comment from patmedium
Barbara. This is, again, very well done. I could see, hear and feel all you intended to transmit and I am coming away from this section fired up and hopeful for the next one. Thank you. Pat. xx
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2010
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Barbara. This is, again, very well done. I could see, hear and feel all you intended to transmit and I am coming away from this section fired up and hopeful for the next one. Thank you. Pat. xx
Comment Written 30-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2010
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Thank you for the kind review, especially when I know Romance isn't your area.
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I am beginning to suspect that 'romance' may well have changed just a wee bit since I stopped reading it forty years ago!!!!
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I hope so. Soon, I will have some action in it. I will have to cement their relationship before the action begins so I can put it in danger.
Comment from reshwity
should mention why he changes the subject to who she married.
The direct speech should be peppered with expressions and reactions. longer paragraphs as the short paragraphs imply quick action.Give more description to the action even the everyday things because it can relate to the auidence by seeing something similiar in themselves. there are some sublte jokes in here but could be brought out more.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2010
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should mention why he changes the subject to who she married.
The direct speech should be peppered with expressions and reactions. longer paragraphs as the short paragraphs imply quick action.Give more description to the action even the everyday things because it can relate to the auidence by seeing something similiar in themselves. there are some sublte jokes in here but could be brought out more.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2010
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If you put in all that description the novel would be 100,000 words. I honestly believe there is enough descriptions. As for the longer chapters, according to the research I have don't on writing romance novels you should vary the length of your paragraphs and sentences. White spaces left on the page is called 'eye candy'. They attract readers. Thank you for your review.
Comment from ulster3
Hello barbara.
This picture is perfect for the small town atmosphere of your story. I am feeling some tension as Sara embarks on a friendship with this well meaning man. I hope she doesn't get hurt more. This is an excellent write that draws the reader right into thr character's lives.
Fondly, Rebecca
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2010
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Hello barbara.
This picture is perfect for the small town atmosphere of your story. I am feeling some tension as Sara embarks on a friendship with this well meaning man. I hope she doesn't get hurt more. This is an excellent write that draws the reader right into thr character's lives.
Fondly, Rebecca
Comment Written 29-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Jonez08
Hi Barbara, enjoyable chapter, I especially enjoyed the ending with Joe and Sara. The ease of your characters being together came over well. Look forward to the next
Can you refrain from degrading yourself, at least when we're together? I've never judged you and never will."
(great character building)
Cassandra
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2010
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Hi Barbara, enjoyable chapter, I especially enjoyed the ending with Joe and Sara. The ease of your characters being together came over well. Look forward to the next
Can you refrain from degrading yourself, at least when we're together? I've never judged you and never will."
(great character building)
Cassandra
Comment Written 29-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2010
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Thank you for the kind review and the continued support. I enjoy hearing from you.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Barbara,
I love this chapter. It is perfect for a hopeless romantic like me! You imagery and descriptions of Joe and Sara are both very well done. I grew up in a small town and while I loved it there the gossip can be hard to bear. Excellent chapter...blessings, chey
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2010
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Hi Barbara,
I love this chapter. It is perfect for a hopeless romantic like me! You imagery and descriptions of Joe and Sara are both very well done. I grew up in a small town and while I loved it there the gossip can be hard to bear. Excellent chapter...blessings, chey
Comment Written 29-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from gramalot8
Barbara, I really like the way you are building up your characters. Their personalities are really developing well. I hope Joe can help her realize that the town is full of snobby people, who, I hope, unearth some of their own skeletons. Good job. Keep writing.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2010
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Barbara, I really like the way you are building up your characters. Their personalities are really developing well. I hope Joe can help her realize that the town is full of snobby people, who, I hope, unearth some of their own skeletons. Good job. Keep writing.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2010
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We will have some skeletons unearthed. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi barbara,
Good follow on from your first in this story and the descriptions of your characters are coming on nicely, certainly Joe's personality is coming through very well and so is Sara's.
Patrick
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2010
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Hi barbara,
Good follow on from your first in this story and the descriptions of your characters are coming on nicely, certainly Joe's personality is coming through very well and so is Sara's.
Patrick
Comment Written 29-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and continued support.
Comment from skye
Love the messages inside this chapter, the acceptance, the kindness, the unconditional friendship being offered.
Your dialogue works so well... makes the story move faster.
Intriguing and well done.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2010
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Love the messages inside this chapter, the acceptance, the kindness, the unconditional friendship being offered.
Your dialogue works so well... makes the story move faster.
Intriguing and well done.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from eliz100
This was a good read from beginning to end. Your characters are evolving as you tell us about them. There is one part that is a little confusing, when Sandy Moore stopped by the question was asked what did she want. The response was she married one of the Moore boys. There was a disconnect there for me.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2010
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This was a good read from beginning to end. Your characters are evolving as you tell us about them. There is one part that is a little confusing, when Sandy Moore stopped by the question was asked what did she want. The response was she married one of the Moore boys. There was a disconnect there for me.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2010
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I will recheck that area. I see what you mean. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from plyweed
Wow, this is coming along well. I like the mysterious elements that are coming into the story. I get the feeling that there is much more to the story.
Your descriptions are vivid and really paint a picture for your reader.
I would like to hear more details about some of the filler parts ie: Joe was frustrated and wanted to go golfing, is that what he does to relieve the stress he might be feeling. What exactly was he stressed about?
I'd love to see more of the shopping scene. Maybe they ran into someone who made her experience of buying a fancy dress awkward...
And of course, I'd love to hear about the two dresses she had to choose from!
Thanks for sharing, I look forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2010
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Wow, this is coming along well. I like the mysterious elements that are coming into the story. I get the feeling that there is much more to the story.
Your descriptions are vivid and really paint a picture for your reader.
I would like to hear more details about some of the filler parts ie: Joe was frustrated and wanted to go golfing, is that what he does to relieve the stress he might be feeling. What exactly was he stressed about?
I'd love to see more of the shopping scene. Maybe they ran into someone who made her experience of buying a fancy dress awkward...
And of course, I'd love to hear about the two dresses she had to choose from!
Thanks for sharing, I look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2010
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I have already taken criticism for going into too much detail. I am afraid those ideas would really get me into trouble. Thank you for your kind review.
