Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 " Special forces soldier"A book of Poetry & Writing
60 total reviews
Comment from The Sonseeker
Never, never, never send us women to war! What in the world is this country thinking when they deck out a mother, daughter, or wife in cameo, give her a gun and send her into the line of fire??? I thought that was the men's job. Okay, I better stop there or I'm liable to get in trouble.
I really liked this writing, and how so very captivating is that picture. Good job.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2010
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Never, never, never send us women to war! What in the world is this country thinking when they deck out a mother, daughter, or wife in cameo, give her a gun and send her into the line of fire??? I thought that was the men's job. Okay, I better stop there or I'm liable to get in trouble.
I really liked this writing, and how so very captivating is that picture. Good job.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2010
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thank you sonseeker for your review and comments
Comment from CKLA
I read through this piece twice. I was unsure if I liked the style, but after reading it through again, I think it works well. Good job.
Collette
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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I read through this piece twice. I was unsure if I liked the style, but after reading it through again, I think it works well. Good job.
Collette
Comment Written 13-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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thank you for your review Collette i guess i just write the way i see it sometimes, Gary
Comment from light
Deepwater,
This is remarkable writing. It is so real. I must say I do not want to see women on the front lines. My motto is, let the men bear arms and the women bear children. Thanks for sharing.
Elaine
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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Deepwater,
This is remarkable writing. It is so real. I must say I do not want to see women on the front lines. My motto is, let the men bear arms and the women bear children. Thanks for sharing.
Elaine
Comment Written 13-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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thank you Elaine for your welcome comments and the review Gary
Comment from wierdgrace
As a woman, I could not do this, but some women are strong and believe they can, I give them an applaud, but yes it is hard, I have friends who do this in the special service. well written, and enjoyed your information
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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As a woman, I could not do this, but some women are strong and believe they can, I give them an applaud, but yes it is hard, I have friends who do this in the special service. well written, and enjoyed your information
Comment Written 13-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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thank you wierdgrace for your review, I was special service
Comment from Amina Ahmed
beautifully portrayed feeling of how a soldier leads his life and how he reaches his end. i love the end 'You are told to talk or you will be next, name, rank and number is all that comes, '
beautiful in one word. keep it up and take care
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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beautifully portrayed feeling of how a soldier leads his life and how he reaches his end. i love the end 'You are told to talk or you will be next, name, rank and number is all that comes, '
beautiful in one word. keep it up and take care
Comment Written 13-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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thank you Amina for your comments and the review
Comment from animatqua
I really like the technique you used to present this work. The short, staccato delivery suited the subject matter well. The flashes of information were almost like the flash of gun fire and fit beautifully into the theme.
Good job!
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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I really like the technique you used to present this work. The short, staccato delivery suited the subject matter well. The flashes of information were almost like the flash of gun fire and fit beautifully into the theme.
Good job!
Comment Written 13-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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thank you for the review animatqua
Comment from E.P. Thomas
Gary,
For me, the style you have chosen for yourself doesn't work, especially when it's applied to every piece of prose that you write. It's too disjointed and difficult to read.
Your lack of punctuation forces me to mentally punctuate this piece, or else my mind can't make sense of it as easily as it shd be able to. Writing shd make a reader feel they are experiencing the story, not reading it. What you have is bascially one run-on sentence after another when you omit punctuation. When you do add comas, they are not always used where they shd be used.
There is also a lack of variety in sentence length. You tend to write sentences that are roughly the same length, which makes the pace of writing very methodical.
Lack of paragraphing also makes this difficult to read, especially when it's combined with repetitive sentence length and structure, and a near complete absence of punctuation.
I'm also not certain whether this can be considered a short story in the technical sense. There are no established characters, no protagionist, no specific setting, which there shd be in a narrative piece this brief. There is, however, conflict in a general sense, and there is certainly resolution. A very specific and sad one.
I like what you have to say, Gary, but you're making it difficult for me, at least, to fully enjoy them because of the style you have chosen for yourself.
Please accept my comments with the good faith in which I am offering them. Take from them what you feel is right for you and ignore everything else.
g
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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Gary,
For me, the style you have chosen for yourself doesn't work, especially when it's applied to every piece of prose that you write. It's too disjointed and difficult to read.
Your lack of punctuation forces me to mentally punctuate this piece, or else my mind can't make sense of it as easily as it shd be able to. Writing shd make a reader feel they are experiencing the story, not reading it. What you have is bascially one run-on sentence after another when you omit punctuation. When you do add comas, they are not always used where they shd be used.
There is also a lack of variety in sentence length. You tend to write sentences that are roughly the same length, which makes the pace of writing very methodical.
Lack of paragraphing also makes this difficult to read, especially when it's combined with repetitive sentence length and structure, and a near complete absence of punctuation.
I'm also not certain whether this can be considered a short story in the technical sense. There are no established characters, no protagionist, no specific setting, which there shd be in a narrative piece this brief. There is, however, conflict in a general sense, and there is certainly resolution. A very specific and sad one.
I like what you have to say, Gary, but you're making it difficult for me, at least, to fully enjoy them because of the style you have chosen for yourself.
Please accept my comments with the good faith in which I am offering them. Take from them what you feel is right for you and ignore everything else.
g
Comment Written 13-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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thanks G no issues with your comments its my style and some do like and some don't and i have no issue with that
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If it seems right to you, then stay with it.
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I will have a good day
Comment from FredCollingwood
I'm all for woman's rights, but something like this is different. I'm against it because of my respect for women. The enemy is often barely human.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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I'm all for woman's rights, but something like this is different. I'm against it because of my respect for women. The enemy is often barely human.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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you know after being in a war or two Frid yes it is different and i'm for Brithers and Sisters in the Army just not fighting
thanks for the comments and review Gary
Comment from patwannabe
Gary, this is very, very powerful.
I understand the way you put this together and why. It doesn't need to be complete sentences, with proper punctuation. It was not meant to be a story but an outline of a special type of person. It would certainly take a special type of person to do this kind of task. God bless them. pat
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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Gary, this is very, very powerful.
I understand the way you put this together and why. It doesn't need to be complete sentences, with proper punctuation. It was not meant to be a story but an outline of a special type of person. It would certainly take a special type of person to do this kind of task. God bless them. pat
Comment Written 13-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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you got it Pat thank you for your welcome review and comments Gary
Comment from rmdelta
deepwater,
this was powerful stuff, my friend. This government has been corrupted into doing all kinds of things today. Your writing hits me just right and it certainly backs up my feelings well. Thanks for putting this out there.
REggie
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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deepwater,
this was powerful stuff, my friend. This government has been corrupted into doing all kinds of things today. Your writing hits me just right and it certainly backs up my feelings well. Thanks for putting this out there.
REggie
Comment Written 13-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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thanks for your review rmdelta and the comments Gary
