Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 51 "Chapter 15; part 3"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
79 total reviews
Comment from Nicnac
Fabulous!
I'm a little sad that the story is over, but I'm pleased that it ended with a bang (pun intended). Carlos and his men got what they deserved and Steven and Leya got a new chance at life and love.
Suggestions:
I need to warn Steven. Silly, there's no way to warn them, (there's no way to warn him)
They only needed to worry about what was on the inside. (about who was on the inside)
I just love a happy ending.
The imagery of Steven fooling with the hospital gown is fun.
I enjoyed this story, Barbara. I enjoyed Steven. I'm going to miss him.
Nic
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2010
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Fabulous!
I'm a little sad that the story is over, but I'm pleased that it ended with a bang (pun intended). Carlos and his men got what they deserved and Steven and Leya got a new chance at life and love.
Suggestions:
I need to warn Steven. Silly, there's no way to warn them, (there's no way to warn him)
They only needed to worry about what was on the inside. (about who was on the inside)
I just love a happy ending.
The imagery of Steven fooling with the hospital gown is fun.
I enjoyed this story, Barbara. I enjoyed Steven. I'm going to miss him.
Nic
Comment Written 09-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2010
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In each of my stories we still learn about how former heros are doing. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from nora arjuna
Hi Barb, congrats on finishing your novel. So Leya' safe and everyone's happy at the end. Nothing to critic here. Noted you started a new book. Sorry I haven't been reading lately. Too busy with work and other personal matters.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2010
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Hi Barb, congrats on finishing your novel. So Leya' safe and everyone's happy at the end. Nothing to critic here. Noted you started a new book. Sorry I haven't been reading lately. Too busy with work and other personal matters.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2010
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I have missed you. I hope things settle down so you are able to be around more.
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
to warn them[;/--] I'm in a chair tied up.
Matt stood on the left side of the wooden slated door -- Did you mean "slatted?"
The sounds of repetitious gunfire -- rapid?
Good job! Good book!
Here's to your bestseller!
Roberta
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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to warn them[;/--] I'm in a chair tied up.
Matt stood on the left side of the wooden slated door -- Did you mean "slatted?"
The sounds of repetitious gunfire -- rapid?
Good job! Good book!
Here's to your bestseller!
Roberta
Comment Written 16-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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Thank you for reading and finding those errors. I am on them.
Comment from exponential
The organization of the last chapter is good, the action nature doesn't kill the story. I would have loved to hear more of the facial expressions and the heartbeats, the time doesn't pass so fast for someone caught waiting for a " miracle" of being resqued.
When leya thinks to herself how can she be so sure that it is Steven and his team to save her? wouldn't she be surprised if that would be the case?
But the story goes smoothly and a happy ending is a blessing:)
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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The organization of the last chapter is good, the action nature doesn't kill the story. I would have loved to hear more of the facial expressions and the heartbeats, the time doesn't pass so fast for someone caught waiting for a " miracle" of being resqued.
When leya thinks to herself how can she be so sure that it is Steven and his team to save her? wouldn't she be surprised if that would be the case?
But the story goes smoothly and a happy ending is a blessing:)
Comment Written 12-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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No she would no be surprised, because if you had followed the entire story you would know Leya would be shocked if Steven and the team weren't coming to rescue her. Thank you for the review.
Comment from ulster3
Hello Barbara.
Kudos for a fast paced and suspensful (all the way through) ending. I'm pleased it all ended on a happy note for Leya and Steven. The shootouts created terrific imagry, it was like watching television. Great job, and excellent writing.
Fondly, Rebecca
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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Hello Barbara.
Kudos for a fast paced and suspensful (all the way through) ending. I'm pleased it all ended on a happy note for Leya and Steven. The shootouts created terrific imagry, it was like watching television. Great job, and excellent writing.
Fondly, Rebecca
Comment Written 12-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Alpha Female
Sorry the first chapter I read was the last. This is a great story. Very suspenseful with plenty of mystery and intrigue. I wish I had gotten in sooner.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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Sorry the first chapter I read was the last. This is a great story. Very suspenseful with plenty of mystery and intrigue. I wish I had gotten in sooner.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from tjamesmoss_author
Engaging close! I've not yet read the previous chapters, but I like how you include characters from many cultures.
Also, you seem to have quite an understanding of artillery, but you didn't overwhelm people like me (who have little to know understanding). The story is still enjoyable and the action is easy to follow.
Thank you for the sniper characters. They are so comical, and their arrogance is relieving in the process of the standoff.
I only found one adjustment needed at this line: Michael spoke through is headset. "It's over."
I know you were in a rush, but I read the previous line and figured this line should say "Michael spoke through his headset. "It's over." Since this is a basic edit, I didn't see a reason to award less than a five.
Thanks for sharing. Are you gonna publish this novel or series? Am I reading correctly when I see Chapter 51?
TJM
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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Engaging close! I've not yet read the previous chapters, but I like how you include characters from many cultures.
Also, you seem to have quite an understanding of artillery, but you didn't overwhelm people like me (who have little to know understanding). The story is still enjoyable and the action is easy to follow.
Thank you for the sniper characters. They are so comical, and their arrogance is relieving in the process of the standoff.
I only found one adjustment needed at this line: Michael spoke through is headset. "It's over."
I know you were in a rush, but I read the previous line and figured this line should say "Michael spoke through his headset. "It's over." Since this is a basic edit, I didn't see a reason to award less than a five.
Thanks for sharing. Are you gonna publish this novel or series? Am I reading correctly when I see Chapter 51?
TJM
Comment Written 12-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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I thought I had fixed that error. Thank you for bringing to my attention.
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And thank you for the author sacrifice. I see that you were on your way to the hospital. I pray that all is well with you, and I hope that you are at peace and enjoying success!!!
Comment from Donald O. Cassidy
Barb, you certainly had the live works in this chapter. In good fiction tecnnique, your dramatic action was great, your dialogue, and your narration fitting.
It's sad that Leya still fights any feeling for Steven, despite his repeated embraces and kisses. One suspects she likes him better than her pretensions.
She may have been only playing a game when saying she liked neither Steven nor Carlos. That game may have been to protect Steven.
In any case, you play up the romance between Steven and Leya. You seem to be romantic at heart.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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Barb, you certainly had the live works in this chapter. In good fiction tecnnique, your dramatic action was great, your dialogue, and your narration fitting.
It's sad that Leya still fights any feeling for Steven, despite his repeated embraces and kisses. One suspects she likes him better than her pretensions.
She may have been only playing a game when saying she liked neither Steven nor Carlos. That game may have been to protect Steven.
In any case, you play up the romance between Steven and Leya. You seem to be romantic at heart.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from dragonqueen1983
it good to see that this story is still going strong. i love all the characters and find the story really interesting. well done
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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it good to see that this story is still going strong. i love all the characters and find the story really interesting. well done
Comment Written 12-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Joan E.
It is always bittersweet coming to the end of a well-told story. However, I am certain, there will be many more from your pen. I did not know you were rushing to finish before an externally imposed deadline of surgery. I hope it goes smoothly and your recovery is speedy. I liked your portrayal of Leya's conflicting thoughts as she regains consciousness. Your capturing the snipers just doing their business was quite effective as well. (It was a little unclear if Carlos "fired into the wall, just missing Steven" [meaning he was a terrible marksman, which is unlikely] or that he had been shot by the sniper a split second before, deflecting his bullet.) I am glad the couple will "live happily ever after." Again, best wishes with the hospital stay. -Joan
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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It is always bittersweet coming to the end of a well-told story. However, I am certain, there will be many more from your pen. I did not know you were rushing to finish before an externally imposed deadline of surgery. I hope it goes smoothly and your recovery is speedy. I liked your portrayal of Leya's conflicting thoughts as she regains consciousness. Your capturing the snipers just doing their business was quite effective as well. (It was a little unclear if Carlos "fired into the wall, just missing Steven" [meaning he was a terrible marksman, which is unlikely] or that he had been shot by the sniper a split second before, deflecting his bullet.) I am glad the couple will "live happily ever after." Again, best wishes with the hospital stay. -Joan
Comment Written 12-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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Carlos was shot at the same time he fired at Steven. i better make that clearer. Thank you for your kind review.
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I thought so--the uncertainty might just have come from my faulty reading of the scene. Many thanks for your speedy response. -Joan
