Performance Problems- My Life! LOL
Viewing comments for Chapter 54 "Hell and Rapture On Earth!"A halarious adventure with misery, but always joy!
4 total reviews
Comment from dpn78
WOW a brilliant,beautiful moving story. The pain and despair is encapsulated brilliantly, especially the battle between Lou and Grandma to take care of June. Both for the benefit of June and a case of oneup manship.Great chapter.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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WOW a brilliant,beautiful moving story. The pain and despair is encapsulated brilliantly, especially the battle between Lou and Grandma to take care of June. Both for the benefit of June and a case of oneup manship.Great chapter.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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Custody situations happen so frequently, yet seldom in this vain, yet someone who understands and takes the hits, can get it to work out. I thank you very much for the compliments and this review. Mike
Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas
HI
Your diction to convey your sentences is brilliant. For example, "abate" in first sentence of this chapter. It is good write.
However, I am not that much impressed with the theme/topic other than family. You kicked off things with, your mother's getting better and more aggressive toward your dad and you and then your sister's problematic behavior to your dad.. To me, three or four paragraphs are utilized for this. Being a reader, i was bored. There should be interesting elements/scenes/situation etc.
Some issues.
Add to it all, my mother was ..[[ Awkward sentence. Should be {and} or In addition to ..]]
You used "Dad" and "dad" in paragraphs, which is confusing. You should stick to one word...
On the whole, good one.
best wishes
K
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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HI
Your diction to convey your sentences is brilliant. For example, "abate" in first sentence of this chapter. It is good write.
However, I am not that much impressed with the theme/topic other than family. You kicked off things with, your mother's getting better and more aggressive toward your dad and you and then your sister's problematic behavior to your dad.. To me, three or four paragraphs are utilized for this. Being a reader, i was bored. There should be interesting elements/scenes/situation etc.
Some issues.
Add to it all, my mother was ..[[ Awkward sentence. Should be {and} or In addition to ..]]
You used "Dad" and "dad" in paragraphs, which is confusing. You should stick to one word...
On the whole, good one.
best wishes
K
Comment Written 06-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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There was a chapter before this, where Mom was actually getting better then the hospitals said, and the relationship with her father was going well. While it's still has a certificate, I wouldn't mind if you take a look at the chapter before, as it has the Pakistani word, "Myfals," the name of a Pakistani restaurant meaning, my friends. I had to write it from memory. Fixed Dad too.
I thank you for this review. Mike
Comment from chita
You have a very good story line with this writing. I can only imagine how hard it was for you and your father and grandmother to deal with your mother. You have given good description and detail and I can feel the emotion that you have had all through the story. This must have been therapeutic for you to write this story. I think that it would have been better if you would have made 2 chapters however I enjoyed the story and have seen people endure simular circumstances--a very good read!!!
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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You have a very good story line with this writing. I can only imagine how hard it was for you and your father and grandmother to deal with your mother. You have given good description and detail and I can feel the emotion that you have had all through the story. This must have been therapeutic for you to write this story. I think that it would have been better if you would have made 2 chapters however I enjoyed the story and have seen people endure simular circumstances--a very good read!!!
Comment Written 06-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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I thank you very much for your compliments and this review. Mike
Comment from Siddhartha Jatana
Wow!
It was a lovely read...
The piece is sensitive,clever,enchanting and interesting...
commendable usage of words...
crisp and lucid presentation...
wonderful imagery!
good job...
well done!
keep it up!
sid
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2010
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Wow!
It was a lovely read...
The piece is sensitive,clever,enchanting and interesting...
commendable usage of words...
crisp and lucid presentation...
wonderful imagery!
good job...
well done!
keep it up!
sid
Comment Written 06-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2010
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Well, if this review didn't come from from the heavens. While the actual experiences are powerful and stark, it takes a lot to be able to to convey what one has learned. I thank you for your compliments. Mike
